anonymous text | in a strange young world

[inuko]

Question: if you're having really vivid dreams that leave you waking up... messy, what are they and how do you make them stop?

[ when you skipped past puberty, don't know what to call a wet dream, and have no internet searching skills... you make the mistake of asking the internet. but seriously. how do you make them stop?! at least give him a term to research, please! ]

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[bailian]

[ He cannot possibly fathom what made this man who or what he is today, or the limitations and laws that his body abides by concerning such unknowns. But being created, in whatever way that he was, shouldn't mean he's so unlike others that his dreams are secret desires. Not when a youthful voice echos only apprehension at the thought. ]

You're still- [ A search for words yields the most obvious result. ] You, whether you were born like this or made to become who you are now.

[ Isn't that true for everyone, no matter the subject matter or person being discussed? Yes, it matters to the person on that journey of self-discovery, but not in ways that detract from the end result. ]

If what happens in those moments aren't things you want, then don't doubt your own feelings.

[ Defensiveness isn't something inborn within him, but learned like all his hardest lessons. So that knee-jerk instinct, the unwillingness to dole out revelations of his own weaknesses, rises to meet the question at hand.

It's doubtful that someone young enough to not know their own body could possibly conceive of using information concerning his abilities against him. And there seems little reason to suspect such a thing would be a relevant concern when Binghe hasn't made an enemy of this man.

Still, he's guarded enough to not lay out the full scope of it all. Vague notions are enough to maintain the honest exchange they've initiated. ]

Yes, some abilities don't work at all. Others only occasionally.

[ Xin Mo can no longer cleave through time and space, nor does the blood coursing through Shen Qingqiu's veins call to him without fail at it once did. Without reintroducing it into his master's system, or that of another soul, it's impossible to tell if the problem is person-specific or due to this world. Neither option is feasible when the mere proposition in his Sizun's direction is likely to dredge up memories he'd rather leave in the past. ]

[inuko]

[ His silence is longer this time, and when he speaks again, it's with a sort of half-sighed laugh that carries no humour at all. ]

Except when I was just human, I was a sick kid who was dressed like a girl because his parents desperately hoped it'd help fool fate into letting me see fifteen. If I said, "I wish you well," it was a nice sentiment, and something I was probably hoping could be true for me too, but knew wouldn't be. As I am now, I can say something like, "I wish you well," and that's not just words. It leads to people being kept alive, forced to live past their natural end and craving blood to sustain themselves, torn up because all they want to do is die, and all I've done without meaning to is force them to see the lies they've been living with to make life hurt less after they should already be dead.

[ Should he say this to someone he barely knows? Doesn't know at all, really, aside from a sort of almost shared heritage? Probably not.

But he's tired, this is something that honestly disturbs and frightens him, and he has no one to tell this to anyway. Which is almost worse. Murasame... Murasame has no advice on any of this.

He grants wishes. He doesn't consider if they should be granted or not. Shino is the moral compass, not his demon. ]

I could afford to be careless when I was just a sick child. I can't afford to be that way now, not when it isn't always conscious, these things that happen. I don't even know how I'd test that here, but... I don't want to find out after it's ruined someone else's existence because I didn't understand their point of view.

[ And with the people here, that's most everyone. ]