prismatica | text; un: TheHollowKnight

[ The Hollow Knight read over the response several times. It was like looking into a mirror; the reflection was identical to the... to the thoughts it had been having. Its purpose had been to bear the desire of its Father and His noble cause. It wasn't to exist for itself. It had to succeed, else all its siblings, all Hallownest, all its Parents' sacrifices, would have suffered for nothing.

But could it learn to want for itself? Admitting, even privately, to the likes of Zenyatta or its sibling, that it had a self had been so terrifying. What if She came back? It would need to seal Her again, so its sibling could kill Her once more. If it could not contain Her, then Lunatia - maybe even Prismatica itself - would be beholden to Her will.

Its hands shook on the communicator. It made itself steady. ]

How did you learn such a thing?
And how did you admit to it?

[ dextera waits patiently for the response. he’s been there, after all, and he hadn’t even had a person to discuss his emptiness with. all of it, all of it had been in painful reflection to and by himself, and if he can spare someone else even a fraction of that suffering, he wants to.

more than almost anything else, he feels called to do this. he’s never seen someone so like him before—a vessel, learning to be someone. ]

I failed so many times in trying to fill the void inside of me. Eventually, I found the thing that sounded right. It was no one else’s suggestion but my own, and that was the critical moment.

Once I discovered that, I couldn’t let anything stop me from grasping it. When you find what you want, you should follow that desire. Even if it’s hard. Even if it hurts.

[ even if it hurts others. one small act of selfishness, for someone with no self, is the foundation of everything. ]

[It seems an insurmountable thing to the Hollow Knight. What sounded right was succeeding, containing the Radiance and letting Hallownest flourish. It had failed in that task, and now it was a moot point, as its sibling had fixed its mistake.

And as for what it wanted...

A Pale Face, the eyes sad and full of loving, beneath a crown of immaculate white.

Dead now.

An equally pale face, the eyes empty, yet driven and focused, beneath horns as like to its as near enough.

Its sibling, free from the abyss, fulfilled and happy.

Yes... it could accept... something, that wanted that one to be whole. ]

Your void is not the Void of this vessel and its sibling.
Ours is a different emptiness.
It makes personhood an alien thing.
It is good yours was different, and could be filled.
It is a pleasing thing to hear, Dextera.

[ dextera remembers the knight talking about the void, and the connection of all those siblings through it. he wonders what it really means, but it somehow sounds—if not more comforting, less painful than his own emptiness. that’s a selfish thought, however, so he keeps it to himself. there’s no sense in pitting their pains against one another, when what he wants is to be understanding.

the hollow knight has a burden unlike his, but that doesn’t mean it’s an impossible one. ]

Thank you.

What I can tell you is that I was once a doll that carried nothing but guilt. I had no memories, no voice, no “self” to speak of. Personhood was so far from me that I couldn’t even conceive of it as a goal.

Things have changed. I think it can for you, too, if that’s what you want.

[ If that was what it wanted.

It didn't know. It had tried for so long not to be a person, not just because it had been told not to be one, but because it knew the price for being one. Striving to that goal had been so important. No mind to think, no will to break, no voice to cry suffering. And yet it had thought, thought so hard, about not being a person. It had willed, willed so hard, to be a perfect, empty shell. And when neither had worked and She had broke through with Her light, with Her love, it had cried out to the only one who could hear it.

The Hollow Knight lowered its head, and it answered truthfully. ]

It is too dizzying a prospect to consider fully.
Like looking over a vast precipice when one has only known a flat plain.
'Want' is such a daunting concept.
Was it so for you, also?
Or did you awaken, one day, and knew it had to be done?

[ a daunting concept—dextera would consider it so. for him, desire had overtaken everything else. it had overtaken reason and kindness and mere, neutral thought, and coming back from that had been hard. he feels like the hollow knight would probably be better at it. ]

I knew what I didn’t want first. In running away, I was lucky enough to find what I did want, instead.

The path I took was complex. I don’t know if I would recommend what I did to anyone else. But the results have saved me, and many others.

No cost too great.
A hard sacrifice.
But important choices were never easy ones.
The person you have become seems to be worth your journey.

Do you think so? That’s all I can hope for. I want to respect the life that I’ve made for myself, as much as I can.

It’s not always easy. Nothing about being “someone” is easy. But I’ve learned that it’s better than being no one at all.

May a question be asked?
It is more of a hypothetical to ponder.

Of course. I’ll answer as well as I can.

Imagine there was being that had taken over the minds of those around it.
It was defeated, and the minds of those it had enslaved were their own again.
They gave their love and worship to the one who defeated that being, but it was a choice, in that there were others who did not choose to worship that new being but were glad to be free of that influence.
Yet there came a time when the first being renewed its power, and began to enslave those minds again.
The one who defeated it before could not do so again.
Would it be better for another to renounce all personhood to contain that power, in order that the rest may still be themselves?
Would the emptiness of one be admissible for the richness of so many others?
Is this cost worth it?

Edited (I USED THE WRONG THERE/THEIR./THEY'RE) 2019-11-13 13:05 (UTC)

[ it’s an extraordinarily specific situation, and dextera wonders what pieces he might be missing. everyone who tells a story tells it from their perspective, and while he doesn’t think the hollow knight is in the habit of self-deprecating, the staunch neutrality can be a form of that without even realizing.

he mulls over the situation presented. the only answer, from an objective moral stance, is no. the many over the few, as ever. ]

It would be the “right” thing to do.

But in the world I come from, what is “right” isn’t always what is “good.” I’ve done terrible things for what’s right, and I’ve done good things for my selfish whims. No one else can decide the path that you - or this hypothetical entity - should take. No one can take the measure of a decision except the one who makes it.

That’s what I’ve learned.

Would you not consider it a great failing, then, if it could not repress a sense of self?
Even though so many others lost their selves because it could not refuse itself one?

Maybe I would. But I don’t think that means I didn’t deserve the self I obtained.

I told you I hurt people to become who and what I am. The circumstances you’re describing are a little different, but the question is the same, isn’t it?

You have given this Vessel much to consider.
It will give it due diligence.
Thank you.

I think that’s good. It’s not always an easy path, but if you’re thinking about it, that means you can reach your own conclusions.

Good luck.

text; un: TheHollowKnight

one day i'll write a tag where this character doesn't have a three paragraph existential crisis...

this is who it is!!!

it's true!!!

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