SEX ED PART 2 THE RECKONING | video; un: fantasma

[teaserving]

[Abbacchio is sitting in his apartment, looking cozy as hell while he's petting a chicken in his lap. Said chicken looks like she's just nested and not going to move for awhile yet. Sanguis is in effect, so he has horns and his hair is just a mass of wool.]

What's up, assholes. It's that time again to reveal my fountain of wisdom.

It's occurred to me that some of you are having a dilemma. A goddamn sexual crisis, if you will. To some of you, this probably makes no sense, so I'll summarize: in most human cultures, opposing genders getting married and popping out babies is considered the norm, and if you don't then old people piss themselves in rage. Or something like that. Everyone's got a difference experience and some people don't care. Fucking cool.

Anyway.

So you came to Lunatia and thought to yourself "nah I definitely like the other gender I'm straight as hell", but now you're confused. Someone of the same sex has bewitched your genitals and heart, and now you're thinking maybe it's not that simple and now you're having a freak out.

[He pauses to have a sip of tea, then goes back to petting Prince the chicken before she starts fretting.]

First off, calm the fuck down. You got a case of bisexual and it's not life ending. I get it, you're discovering new shit about yourself every day. Hell, I didn't think I'd be caught in furry cuddle moonland, but here we are. I promise you no one's gonna give a shit if you suddenly figure out that maybe tits are great after all or that the dick isn't so bad. Or maybe you just wanna hold hands and kiss a little, I don't fucking know. I don't know your life.

But I do know this: it's totally okay. So the question is, how do you figure this shit out? Well, sometimes you gotta experiment. Go on dates, see how it clicks for you. Watch some porn and see what turns you on, that kind of thing. At least, in my experience that's kind of the only way I figured out jack shit personally.

So if you're an alien or from some fantasy land where no one gives a shit about what gender you date, awesome. This doesn't apply to you and it's probably funny that some of us have to deal with this crap. The rest of you that this might apply to, feel free to ask your questions and I'll try to answer.

You're welcome.

Comments

[teaserving]

Wow, not all of us are a cool vampire from the dark ages, asshole.

[goneforawalk]

[ he laughs. ]

All I'm saying is, sometimes a guy in a cassock and cross has a great ass and wields a holy sword with his teeth and you think alright, I am bisexual, and that's that.

[ that is not when he realized he was bisexual he just wants to be horny about anderson, who isn't here and can't complain. ]

[teaserving]

Can't speak from experience on that one. Not a whole lot of holy sword wielding hot guys in my era. My gay awakening happened primarily in high school, personally. Which you never had to worry about.

[goneforawalk]

Oh, I fought that guy in 1999. A lucky night. I was fine sleeping with anyone that appealed before that, though.

I have heard some things about high school.

[teaserving]

Sounds like a danger boner to me, anyway. Wouldn't that holy shit fuck you up?

All things you've heard are probably true.

[goneforawalk]

He's the most dangerous human alive and that's in part why he's so attractive. So yes, it's definitely a danger boner that gets me going. I'm immune to consecration and such things now though, that's--a side effect of my time in the basement. Seventy years of experimentation and all. I just think if anyone can kill me, he can. He can definitely match me.

[ a beat. ]

That seems horrible.

[teaserving]

...Yeah a little bit, Vlad.

I mean, I think I sort of know where you're coming from. Even if it's a way more extreme version. But you got way more baggage than I do too.

[goneforawalk]

Oh, I meant high school.

But I can see what you mean. I'm just old and tired, it's not like I'm going anywhere.

[teaserving]

That too.

That might be true, but I think it says something about your mentality. I'm not the best person to give advice about that though. I'm already fucked up as it is.

[goneforawalk]

Ah, well, I'm set in my ways.

[ BRIGHTLY: ]

Well, I like your company. Also, I really like this look. The horns suit you.

[teaserving]

Thanks. I didn't pick 'em, but I'm getting used to having them. And I like your company too, Vlad.