SEX ED PART 2 THE RECKONING | video; un: fantasma

[teaserving]

[Abbacchio is sitting in his apartment, looking cozy as hell while he's petting a chicken in his lap. Said chicken looks like she's just nested and not going to move for awhile yet. Sanguis is in effect, so he has horns and his hair is just a mass of wool.]

What's up, assholes. It's that time again to reveal my fountain of wisdom.

It's occurred to me that some of you are having a dilemma. A goddamn sexual crisis, if you will. To some of you, this probably makes no sense, so I'll summarize: in most human cultures, opposing genders getting married and popping out babies is considered the norm, and if you don't then old people piss themselves in rage. Or something like that. Everyone's got a difference experience and some people don't care. Fucking cool.

Anyway.

So you came to Lunatia and thought to yourself "nah I definitely like the other gender I'm straight as hell", but now you're confused. Someone of the same sex has bewitched your genitals and heart, and now you're thinking maybe it's not that simple and now you're having a freak out.

[He pauses to have a sip of tea, then goes back to petting Prince the chicken before she starts fretting.]

First off, calm the fuck down. You got a case of bisexual and it's not life ending. I get it, you're discovering new shit about yourself every day. Hell, I didn't think I'd be caught in furry cuddle moonland, but here we are. I promise you no one's gonna give a shit if you suddenly figure out that maybe tits are great after all or that the dick isn't so bad. Or maybe you just wanna hold hands and kiss a little, I don't fucking know. I don't know your life.

But I do know this: it's totally okay. So the question is, how do you figure this shit out? Well, sometimes you gotta experiment. Go on dates, see how it clicks for you. Watch some porn and see what turns you on, that kind of thing. At least, in my experience that's kind of the only way I figured out jack shit personally.

So if you're an alien or from some fantasy land where no one gives a shit about what gender you date, awesome. This doesn't apply to you and it's probably funny that some of us have to deal with this crap. The rest of you that this might apply to, feel free to ask your questions and I'll try to answer.

You're welcome.

Comments

[torsion]

Hmmm. Wonder why!
Glad to hear it, though it's hopefully not just with chicken cuddles.
Let me take you out some time.

[teaserving]

It's an absolute mystery. [it is not, in fact, a mystery]

Shit, for real? Where to?

[torsion]

[ EVEN SHE GETS IT, it's cute. She likes Avdol so she's glad he's got a cute catch. ]

I guess it'll just have to remain unsolved.
I was thinking spaghetti.
Just messing with you. ;)
You like steak? I'll treat you to a filet if you'd rather.

[teaserving]

Steak sounds fine to me. You mind waiting until after Sanguis? I have a bad track record of breaking shit during this time.

[torsion]

You and me both.
Unless you wanna spar it out?
Promise not to bite.
Although damned if these teeth aren't made for eating steak.

[teaserving]

Ha! You know, that might not be so bad, actually. [And hell, maybe Avdol would appreciate it if he got some aggression out.] We can do that in place of my usual workout, then get steaks after?

[torsion]

If you'd like.
Laying low in terms of work, don't want to get too pushy with customers.
Security jobs just aren't for Sanguis this time of month.

[teaserving]

Jill, I burned down the building of the last place I worked. Sanguis is shit for most jobs.

[torsion]

I work security and can already crush a skull with my thighs.
Kinda pans out awkwardly when you see an asshole hassling some girls.
You sure that was because of being Sanguis, though?
;)

[teaserving]

That's true. I guess "he had it coming" doesn't work out as a reason when you beat their asses, huh?

Okay, not entirely Sanguis, but it sure as shit didn't help!

[torsion]

I mean I wish it did.
Sometimes it works in my favor that way, but I'd rather not have to break anyone's jaw.

Heh.
Well, I'm sure they got a nice insurance payout for it.

[teaserving]

That's fair. Even if he'd deserve it.

Actually, they didn't get jack shit. Someone I know fixed the whole damned thing, and the business got shut down because of health code violations. No more Spaghetti Shack.

[torsion]

Maid cafes are serious business to some people.
Haven't even been opened that long but we've already got guys that show up maybe a little too often.

Guess all's well that ends well.
I don't really do pasta, anyway. Grains are only good for gains, ha ha!

[teaserving]

Ugh, gross.

Does that include pizza? Because I can't give up pizza.

[torsion]

Doesn't seem to bother anyone else and as long as they keep it above board I won't smash their faces in.
Win/win.

Pizzas are for cheat days.
Which I occasionally have.

[teaserving]

Can't argue with those rules.

See, you're a woman of fine taste. That's what I like to hear.

[torsion]

I'm glad we see eye-to-eye on that!

So, you're a wine guy, right?
Or do you do hard liquor? I'm amassing a small collection of bourbon (favorite) and whiskey already (second favorite), but I'm always down for just
Leaving the bottle open. Heh.