SEX ED PART 2 THE RECKONING | video; un: fantasma

[teaserving]

[Abbacchio is sitting in his apartment, looking cozy as hell while he's petting a chicken in his lap. Said chicken looks like she's just nested and not going to move for awhile yet. Sanguis is in effect, so he has horns and his hair is just a mass of wool.]

What's up, assholes. It's that time again to reveal my fountain of wisdom.

It's occurred to me that some of you are having a dilemma. A goddamn sexual crisis, if you will. To some of you, this probably makes no sense, so I'll summarize: in most human cultures, opposing genders getting married and popping out babies is considered the norm, and if you don't then old people piss themselves in rage. Or something like that. Everyone's got a difference experience and some people don't care. Fucking cool.

Anyway.

So you came to Lunatia and thought to yourself "nah I definitely like the other gender I'm straight as hell", but now you're confused. Someone of the same sex has bewitched your genitals and heart, and now you're thinking maybe it's not that simple and now you're having a freak out.

[He pauses to have a sip of tea, then goes back to petting Prince the chicken before she starts fretting.]

First off, calm the fuck down. You got a case of bisexual and it's not life ending. I get it, you're discovering new shit about yourself every day. Hell, I didn't think I'd be caught in furry cuddle moonland, but here we are. I promise you no one's gonna give a shit if you suddenly figure out that maybe tits are great after all or that the dick isn't so bad. Or maybe you just wanna hold hands and kiss a little, I don't fucking know. I don't know your life.

But I do know this: it's totally okay. So the question is, how do you figure this shit out? Well, sometimes you gotta experiment. Go on dates, see how it clicks for you. Watch some porn and see what turns you on, that kind of thing. At least, in my experience that's kind of the only way I figured out jack shit personally.

So if you're an alien or from some fantasy land where no one gives a shit about what gender you date, awesome. This doesn't apply to you and it's probably funny that some of us have to deal with this crap. The rest of you that this might apply to, feel free to ask your questions and I'll try to answer.

You're welcome.

Comments

[wingstosee]

[ he wants to talk about anatomy? he wants to talk about fucking anatomy with her? there's a deep, flooding feeling coiling in the bottom of her stomach, one that takes her a moment to identify:

fucking anger.

it's a nice feeling. she wants to scoop it out and hold it in her palms. she wants to feel it writhing beneath her fingertips. the thought occurs to her that she should stop now; that she's getting mad, she's doing things she shouldn't do, she's acting disgustingly. good! she's the devil. the devil can be a disgusting piece of shit if it wants to. ]

sorry. you're right! i should just shut up about myself.
besides, you're way more interesting. you know?
hey, what's your boyfriend like?
i bet he's a good person. he has to be, right? :)

[teaserving]

Listen here you passive-aggressive bitch. You're being clear as fuck all with what you're talking about, it's a pain in the ass, and I don't fucking want to hear about what you find physically gross about guys without actually explaining herself probably.

So go cry to somebody else. Boo-hoo I like dick but I don't like boys. Great, I'm sure you can fucking figure it out without being shitty about it. Piss off.

[wingstosee]

why would i explain myself? you told me to stop trying. twice.
you're the one putting words in my mouth. you've been doing it this whole time.
but that's okay, right? since i'm just a stupid, passive-aggressive bitch. right?

i don't want to piss off. i WANT you to say what you want. i want to hear it.
what's next? do you want to skip to appearances?
i could flip on the camera and REALLY give you something to hate. :)

[teaserving]

If I'm putting words in your mouth, it's because you apparently can't say what the fuck you mean and you're a fucking pain about it.

Yeah, that's right. You're just a stupid passive-aggressive bitch and you're fucking obnoxious and quickly becoming not my problem.

Why the hell would I care about how you look?

[wingstosee]

there we go. see?
at least that's something i can actually do something about
just man up. say what you mean. stop pussyfooting around. haha. like i haven't heard that before

because you're the first person i've met since i got kidnapped that makes me feel like you'd call me a freak
and it doesn't even feel like you'd do it because you believed it
and that makes it a hundred times worse.
is that enough of an explanation?
should i keep going?

[teaserving]

At least one of us can fucking accomplish a direct conversation.

Why, do you get off on that shit? I don't care what you look like. I care that you're a goddamn pain in the ass. I goddamn boned a Nightmare and Flame God and Dracula; appearances don't mean shit, idiot.

Your soul's ugly, that's enough for me. Should've expected that from Satan.

i thought this would be like 8 lines and then it just. kept. going LMFAO

[wingstosee]

that's what i'm talking about you
stupid
dense
asshole!!
ugly souls and bad people and all that shit
THAT'S what i keep waiting for you to say
because there's no reason you wouldn't! you're such a freaking. good person

ugh!! fine
you want direct?? fine by me!
i woke up with fangs, no legs, and two dicks this morning
which is TWICE as many as usual and two more than i ever wanted in the first place!
it took me an hour to get down the staircase
i'm trying not to yell and scream at everyone on the street
which is what i grew up my whole life being told i was SUPPOSED to do
and now i'm being told by some gross. TURD on the only thing i can do right now
that i need to man up and grow some hair on my chest
but ALSO that if i don't think his boyfriend and his chest hair SPECIFICALLY is beautiful, i'm an asshole
fine! sure! i'm an asshole!!
i've never even SEEN him! but i guess that doesn't matter!
after all, according to you, i only care about dicks, right??
never mind that that's the exact problem!

i don't give a shit about how big someone's dick is!
what, do you think i just stare at dicks all day?
i got enough of that in the locker room!
i just like that when i'm with a guy, they treat me like a LADY instead of some screwed up, fragile boy with tits that'll break if they touch too hard!

wow!! cool!! doesn't that feel better!! i feel great!!
glad we worked that out!!!!!!
what else do you want that's direct?
do i need to explain anything in there even MORE??
just ask! i'll tell you already!
no time like the present!

[teaserving]

God I don't care.

[wingstosee]

THEN WHY DID YOU SAY TO

never mind
you're right. i'm a stupid bitch.
sorry about all of this.
bye.

[ brb, venus is hiding her phone and just. going to go scream herself hoarse in the shower. or what she can fit of herself into it, at least. ]