SEX ED PART 2 THE RECKONING | video; un: fantasma

[teaserving]

[Abbacchio is sitting in his apartment, looking cozy as hell while he's petting a chicken in his lap. Said chicken looks like she's just nested and not going to move for awhile yet. Sanguis is in effect, so he has horns and his hair is just a mass of wool.]

What's up, assholes. It's that time again to reveal my fountain of wisdom.

It's occurred to me that some of you are having a dilemma. A goddamn sexual crisis, if you will. To some of you, this probably makes no sense, so I'll summarize: in most human cultures, opposing genders getting married and popping out babies is considered the norm, and if you don't then old people piss themselves in rage. Or something like that. Everyone's got a difference experience and some people don't care. Fucking cool.

Anyway.

So you came to Lunatia and thought to yourself "nah I definitely like the other gender I'm straight as hell", but now you're confused. Someone of the same sex has bewitched your genitals and heart, and now you're thinking maybe it's not that simple and now you're having a freak out.

[He pauses to have a sip of tea, then goes back to petting Prince the chicken before she starts fretting.]

First off, calm the fuck down. You got a case of bisexual and it's not life ending. I get it, you're discovering new shit about yourself every day. Hell, I didn't think I'd be caught in furry cuddle moonland, but here we are. I promise you no one's gonna give a shit if you suddenly figure out that maybe tits are great after all or that the dick isn't so bad. Or maybe you just wanna hold hands and kiss a little, I don't fucking know. I don't know your life.

But I do know this: it's totally okay. So the question is, how do you figure this shit out? Well, sometimes you gotta experiment. Go on dates, see how it clicks for you. Watch some porn and see what turns you on, that kind of thing. At least, in my experience that's kind of the only way I figured out jack shit personally.

So if you're an alien or from some fantasy land where no one gives a shit about what gender you date, awesome. This doesn't apply to you and it's probably funny that some of us have to deal with this crap. The rest of you that this might apply to, feel free to ask your questions and I'll try to answer.

You're welcome.

Comments

( video )

[affectueux]

[ serge cannot resist taking the bait. text is not fully communicating his frustrations here, and he doesn’t want to look like a coward in a fight. putting himself on video does reveal that he’s just like, a teenager, though. ]

First of all, you don’t need to resort to name-calling. [ he even holds up fingers to enumerate his points. ] Second of all, I don’t understand what’s wrong with a little prudence. I know that not everyone believes the same things I do, but that doesn’t make my beliefs wrong!

[teaserving]

[JOKE'S ON YOU he'll pick fights with teenagers!!]

I can do whatever the fuck I want, brat. You literally told me what I should or should not be doing, so don't talk to me about what beliefs are wrong. Maybe do some self-examination first.

[affectueux]

I have done plenty of self-examination. [ CONDESCENDING FINGER WAG. ] I was trying to be polite because I could see that this was supposed to be helpful, but it seems I’ve misunderstood you entirely!

[ a deep breath. he’s not done, but he mostly sounds like a hall monitor on a tirade about the importance of curfews. ]

All I asked for was some thoughtfulness. Is that so difficult? Is it really so difficult to be sympathetic?

[teaserving]

Damn right you have, idiot. You're just being a real pain in the ass.

Here's my thoughtfulness: don't get your panties in a bunch if a bunch of teens wanna hold hands in public.

[affectueux]

I will apologize for assuming the worst of your suggestions. [ reluctantly, but he does settle down in his chair a little. he looks less like he’s going to try to wring abbacchio’s neck through the phone. ] I don’t… I don’t care if people experiment. Things are different here than they were in my world, and I know that better than I wish I did.

[ oh? he blushes, but it might be residual anger. ]

I just don’t think it’s appropriate to be so cavalier towards sex. That is all.

[teaserving]

Like it or not, it's pretty different for all of us. For me, it's generally for the better.

Cool, that's not my problem. You can do what you want and I'd never insist that someone loosen up if they aren't ready, but don't shove your ideas onto others is all. Got it?

[affectueux]

You have such a terrible attitude.

[ …he’s embarrassed now to have gotten so steamed, though. ]

I’ll try to do better in the future. I think you could benefit from a little bit of the same, Monsieur.

[teaserving]

Golly, I've never been told that before. I'll think about it for a second.

[affectueux]

Your second is up! What conclusion have you come to?

[ the recovery! ]

[teaserving]

Conclusion: nah, I'm good.

[affectueux]

I thought you might say that. I suggest you give a better answer, because not only am I a prude, I’ve been told I’m annoyingly stubborn.

[teaserving]

Yeah, I'm seriously starting to get that vibe from you. Anyway, my answer's not changing. I'm just as stubborn, you little shit.

[affectueux]

You are certainly not more stubborn than my boyfr— [ ahem ] —than my roommate, and I always win with him.

[ pretend that slip didn’t happen and it’s smoooooth sailing. ]

But I don’t need to hear your answer now. Honest reflection takes time. I’ll check in with you a week from now and see if you’re ready to admit that we were both wrong.

[teaserving]

[bitch he caught that??]

Are you seriously going to check in a week.

[affectueux]

[ well DON’T ]

Oui. I do not make promises I can’t keep.

[teaserving]

Yeah, we'll see about that.

you done goofed it now

[affectueux]

I look forward to speaking with you again.