Video | UN: pumpaction

[angelshot]

Yo. What's up, my nerdlings?

[ Oh look, it's the resident pain in the ass, looking incredibly bored as usual minus some new Dragon-y qualities. Don't mind the horns or scales, it's perfectly mundane. What's a little less mundane is the massive pile of ladies underwear haphazardly dumped on her bed beside her, or the fact she's twirling an expensive looking red number around a finger. ]

So get this. Found a shop that was having a massive sale on top of the line puss purses, right? Like, "blowout bonanza everything must go" kind of thing. Probably a holiday cash grab.

Anyway.

Turns out they were full of shit, because these fucking suck. Check this out -

[ One twirl, two twirls, and -- SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER those classy panties are suddenly a gun!
Which is all well and good, except for when she goes to rack the slide back, there's an audible 'twang' and the thing more or less disintegrates into springs and screws and various gun parts in her hands. ]

- "quality lingerie", my ass!

[ Gun? Tossed somewhere behind her out of frame, complete with the comical metallic crashing of bits going everywhere. There must be a pretty sizable reject pile with that amount of noise.
One down, a billion to go. Panty reaches for another pair to run through the usual Backlace quality control checklist. ]

If you plan to buy your girlfriend some fancy bra and thong combo for Christmas, take my advice: don't. It'll be an even bigger disappointment than your performance in the sack.

Comments

[angelshot]

hell yeah you do dont settle for less

if they even let you return them you mean
so many shops just roll with a 'too bad bitch learn to live with it' policy you might have to break some skulls to get them to man up

[teaserving]

oh i'll fucking bust some skulls all right
i paid way too much for this shit for them to rip on me!!

[angelshot]

thats the spirit go get em tiger
remember to take pics after for the ultimate spite factor

[teaserving]

i will print them out and tape them to the front of the store

[nonehorse]

wait you bought what for yourself now

[teaserving]

well it WAS going to be a surprise but this shit is weak
god damn it

[nonehorse]

I

should






would you like for me to help you find some stronger stuff then or


only if you want

[teaserving]

you know what
hell yeah

sorry the surprise is ruined tho

[nonehorse]

I saw some nice-looking shops when I was looking for alternatives to moonlacing with others, before I met you, so

we can try those places




it's alright though! Surprise or not, I'm still an incredibly lucky man. Who needs to stop cluttering this poor woman's post up with my 'loving my boyfriend' comments haha!

[teaserving]

let's go there sometime
we'll pick a date just message me ok?

[nonehorse]

You're on. Prepare to do some thorough lingerie testing.

[teaserving]

ok but i need ur honest opinions ;)

[nonehorse]

Do you think I'd compromise my honesty? Give me credit; I am going to be 100% honest and accurate in my ratings of each piece.

We have to test the elastic too, of course.