Un: deadoralive; audio [forward dated to 12-22]

[chronicgambler]

I got a question I'm gonna ask for a friend, and I need serious fucking answers because I'm a helpful guy and I--I mean he can't fuck this up.

[Here goes. Asking for a friend. Just listen to the confidence in his tone because he is doing somebody a solid here. And not talking about himself. Not at all.

Y'all he might also be drunk.]

This guy's pretty with it and cool but he got a hot boyfriend all of a sudden and we got important couples-related holidays coming up in the next few months that he's never done before. That shit takes planning. So... what I'm askin' is how do Valentine's Day and White Day work for two dudes? I--my friend doesn't have anybody else to ask about this, so he asked me, and I'm asking you guys.

Keep your sarcasm and smartass comments outta this! I'm trying to help a guy out here.

...[Yep.] Thanks.

Comments

[chronicgambler]

Yeah! You don't know about 'em? Guess they don't have the same shit everywhere huh...

[Get ready for a shit explanation.]

On Valentine's Day, girls usually give stuff to important guys in their life, like a boyfriend or something. Chocolate and stuff. And then a month later on White Day, if you got a girl who gave you something or a girlfriend or whatever, you give her something real nice back. It's fucking commercial as hell but I'm not fucking this up so I'm doing it.

[unhappy]

So if I get both my boyfriends something, I get one day they have to both spoil me...

[ ...not that they wouldn't both spoil her anyway if she wanted. ]

When are they?

[chronicgambler]

Pretty much works that way. Guys'll settle for even shitty handmade chocolate, we're easy as fuck.

Valentine's Day is the 14th of the second month. White Day is 14th of the third month. We got a while, but it pays to get a jump on it.

[unhappy]

Oh. Yeah that's really a while...

[ They haven't even finished this year yet... she supposes if someone wanted to scheme a scheme they might need this long. ]

You must be planning something really big.

[chronicgambler]

I might do something big, I dunno. I'm more of a spur of the moment kinda guy, actually, but I gotta figure the whole process out first.

[Hold on.]

Uh, I mean, my friend is... that kinda guy. Yeah!

[unhappy]

In that case, anything you plan out this time would be a grand romantic gesture, right? So maybe you should since you have plenty of time to convince your friend to try it.

[chronicgambler]

Plenty of time... you got a point. All right, so me and, uh, my friend, we got plenty of time to discuss this and figure out somethin'. I'm thinkin'... maybe I could cook somethin'? He'd never see that comin'.

[unhappy]

If it's that big of a surprise that you cooked, you might want to get some test subjects first.

[chronicgambler]

Yeah... I hate to admit it, but you got a point. I ain't cooked since I was a kid. Maybe I can come up with somethin' easy... Is there somethin' better than cooking?

[unhappy]

You could do something super gross like sprinkle petals of their favorite flowers across the floor all the way to the bedroom, where all of their favorite things are waiting along with coupons for foot rubs or chores or whatever. Or take them to some place meaningful to them maybe..? Like if they're into art museums or if they're into action you could get a construction foreman to let them hit the switch for explosives on a building scheduled to be taken down maybe?

[chronicgambler]

Holy shit I'm takin' notes. The flowers sounds real nice, like some kinda movie or somethin'... He's like that! He's into sappy stuff sometimes.

Maybe not into blowing shit up, but I'd be into that so maybe I'll do it anyway.

What else? Maybe somethin' like... Well, he's a writer, so maybe he needs a massage from sittin' at a desk all day?

[unhappy]

I don't know anything about writers. Does he have enemy novelists? You could always take them down for him if he does.

[ ... Right, she should add: ] If he's not against you getting in trouble.

[ That makes the suggestion better, right... ]