Voice

[loungelizard]

Good afternoon Lunatia! ♪

[Hopefully you were sitting when you opened this audio message, because the brunt of this undiluted cheerfulness would've knocked you on your ass.]

Since I've found my hands... preoccupied, and there's nothing that interesting on TV... I have a question for anyone who wants to talk:

What's the craziest thing that has happened to you before, after, or during sex?

Comments

[loungelizard]

Meh. It wouldn't be a bad schtick if they were a bounty hunter who liked to mix business with pleasure.

[...which is to say that Larry is picking up on the subtext here but not actively thinking about it.]

[meteorman]

Oh, I've had run-ins with those too. They didn't generally let me leave after. That's how you can tell the difference. Even after sex no one's stupid enough to let a payday that big walk away.

[It's not even subtext at this point. He doesn't see any reason to pretend he doesn't have wanted posters across half the known universe. Frankly he's a little surprised they haven't made it as far as this universe, but it was nice to show up here and not immediately get arrested.]

[loungelizard]

"That big"? ...How big is the price on your head, anyway?

ink aggressively avoiding pronouns like neo in the matrix

[meteorman]

[Haaahaha. Hm.]

That depends on who you'd be turning me over to, the authorities or my ex.

... Though now that my ex is dead I imagine no one's going to be coming to collect on that one. That makes things easier.

it how you do

[loungelizard]

Is that so? That's bringing a whole new meaning to "want you back"!

[meteorman]

My head, specifically. On a platter.

It was a bad breakup.

1/2

[loungelizard]

...oh.

[loungelizard]

I know I've left a few broken hearts in my wake, but none that would be willing to pay someone to kill me!

What happened?

[meteorman]

[... Yeah, he kind of invited the question, didn't he.]

It's an incredibly long story. To put it simply: don't date demons. We didn't see eye to eye on things like whether my universe was due for an apocalypse or not. Once I made it clear I was opposed, I became an obstacle to be removed.

[That's the cliffnotes of the cliffnotes, but forgive him if he's not interested in going into the whole shitty story just yet.]

[loungelizard]

Huh.

I'm surprised that kind of thing doesn't come up on the first date!

[Is this a joke or not? It's hard to tell...]