Voice

[loungelizard]

Good afternoon Lunatia! ♪

[Hopefully you were sitting when you opened this audio message, because the brunt of this undiluted cheerfulness would've knocked you on your ass.]

Since I've found my hands... preoccupied, and there's nothing that interesting on TV... I have a question for anyone who wants to talk:

What's the craziest thing that has happened to you before, after, or during sex?

Comments

text | j.valentine

[torsion]

Ask me something else.

Voice

[songbird_slayer]

Hello, Ser Larry.

Hmm... I'll go with a relatively recent one: Back home I'd taken a paladin to bed, only for the rest of the party to walk in wondering where I'd gone with the holy man. As it turns out, paladins don't swear an oath to celibacy! Lucky for me!

I used Dimension Door to teleport us to the roof to escape detection. Unfortunately the weather wasn't exactly... warm, and we weren't wearing anything.

So that's how I spent a chilly mid-morning on a rooftop in my nameday suit with a man of the church.

Audio | UN: oceangem

[riptidequeen]

What on e--Lunatia could you have your hands full with?

[SHE REFUSES TO ANSWER, Larry already knows the answer. Probably, maybe, most likely.]

text | un: fantasma

[teaserving]

a guy telling me he'd blow me but then he just puked on my dick
quickest way to ruin a boner

text.

[torsion]

Best friend application is removed.

text.

[teaserving]

im sorry you cant handle my wild sexual romps jill
it's come to this

[torsion]

I'm sorry, Leone.
It's killing me. I don't know how to deal with it.
All I can do is let you go.
Please forgive me.

[ This melodramatic liar!! ]

[teaserving]

i dont know how i'll ever get by
knowing you aren't there anymore
shit

[torsion]

I guess you just get puked on.
And I don't
fucking curbstomp the shitheads.

anonymous text

[nonehorse]

My stories aren't exactly hilarious, but I've discovered that I glow during sex with people I'm very much fond of! Which is on the stranger end of sex things as far as I've experienced them.

If we're talking the more painful end of crazy, I guess the time I set a girl's hijab on fire accidentally and then we both panicked because her parents would find out, so she just asked me to help her make a towel into a replacement and she left. I think that was a formative experience in my youth.

text; i will always break out this stupid headcanon

[meteorman]

If an alien is particularly quick to assure you that it's very normal for their genitalia to glow, don't take them at their word. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be apprehended by the interdimensional authorities because there's a bright blue homing beacon in your pants that you haven't figured out how to get rid of yet?

[teaserving]

ha!

ok but seriously "best friend" that kinda stands out to me

[torsion]

Well, that's just silly.
It's not you. I have plenty of friends, you know!

[ Jill does not. ]

[teaserving]

well you are pretty likable

[he'd believe it, jill's cool?!]

[torsion]

Well, shit.
Wasn't prepared for that counter-attack.
Guess I've got two whole friends, huh.

[teaserving]

wait seriously just two??
c'mon even i have more than that
and i'm an asshole

[torsion]

Well, yeah?
You and the guy who posted this thing.
Right?
Didn't think it was that weird...

1/2

[loungelizard]

Hmmmmmm...

2/2

[loungelizard]

No.

Now, don't get me wrong. On a normal day I'm more than happy to talk about what the ladies want to talk about!

But right now, we talk about what Larry Laffer wants to talk about. That's the rules for today.

[loungelizard]

Madhuuu~ri! ♥︎

I was expecting something more salacious from you, babe! So--what's the deal? Was the oath to celibacy some sort of stereotype or just a "different denominations" situation?

awkward public confession mmmm

[torsion]

I haven't had sex here.
I was a POW for almost four years prior.
There you go. There's your "rules".

[ Hey, he's the one that needed to know. There he goes. Enjoy that Suffering. ]

You wanna know how I hurt others?
Feel free to ask.

[loungelizard]

[Well, the good news is that if there's only one instance of it, it's simultaneously the craziest and the tamest...]

Why, crafting, of course!

[The distinct SNIP! SNIP! of a pair of shears is heard. They're a damn good pair, if the swish of the close and the crisp snap at the end is any indication.]

[riptidequeen]

[At least his answer wasn't something perverted, which Lapis' player realized could have been the answer!!]

... You do art then? Or do crafts count as something else?

[loungelizard]

[He's laughing, not expressing even the slightest grossed-out response to this. Hmm...]

Oh, now that is unfortunate! What happened--did he choke? Were both of you okay afterwards?

[teaserving]

it's kinda weird
but only because i think you're not a shitty person
and
you know