Voice

[loungelizard]

Good afternoon Lunatia! ♪

[Hopefully you were sitting when you opened this audio message, because the brunt of this undiluted cheerfulness would've knocked you on your ass.]

Since I've found my hands... preoccupied, and there's nothing that interesting on TV... I have a question for anyone who wants to talk:

What's the craziest thing that has happened to you before, after, or during sex?

Comments

[loungelizard]

[He's laughing, not expressing even the slightest grossed-out response to this. Hmm...]

Oh, now that is unfortunate! What happened--did he choke? Were both of you okay afterwards?

[teaserving]

ok so
first of all we were both trashed but i think he was more shitfaced than me
and also i dont think he expected my junk to be that big
so it was a double whammy of choking and him already prepared to projectile vomit

i mean we were fine but damn that was a sad shower i had

[loungelizard]

With the blow-er drunk enough to blow chunks and the blow-ee still under the whiskey dick limit, I'm betting your math on your relative booze levels checks out. [He titters...

...which turns into a long, awkward silence.]

Is it really that big? I-I mean, I guess the statistic average is probably big enough to choke anyone anyway...

N-not that I would know, heh...

[teaserving]

i mean if you want a dick pic i could do that but i'm a bit bigger than the average so im told

[loungelizard]

...You would really send pictures of your dick to whoever asks?

[teaserving]

what do you want from me, a screening process on dick pics?

[loungelizard]

Oh, no, I'm not judging. Just surprised!

[He giggles. He comes from a time where you had to do unsolicited dick pics the hard way:

in person.]

Let's see it then.

[Because this is one hundred percent something straight men do, ask to see someone else's dick. Platonic dick-seeing. Yep. That's what this is.]

[teaserving]

all right you got it man

[and he's not fucking around, he sends larry a dick pic. it's about the size one might expect of a man over six feet tall. lorge. and the curtains match the drapes, so to speak

at least he's nice enough to give a thumbs up in the picture]

[loungelizard]

[Wow. He really sure did follow through with that. Yep, that's one big dick. Like the kind of specimen you only find in porn big.]

Are you kidding? You'll shoot your eye out with that thing!

[Ha ha, seasonally appropriate references! This is an okay thing to say, right? This isn't, you know, weird? Right? He's trying so hard to play it off like it is.]

[teaserving]

im significantly more likely to poke someone else's eye out
not that im trying

[loungelizard]

You've already choked someone. It's only a matter of time before your crimes escalate!

[The lighthearted teasing in his voice is obvious.]