( VIDEO. ) | JAN.4TH | PEOPLE YOU MISS THE MOST SMELL THE WORST

[jumpfesta]

Hey, it's your favorite protagonist, Monkey D. Ichigo here.

_{[ What. He moves right along without blinking at eye at his own joke. ]}

It's come to my attention that there's people here who still need jobs. I'm a boss who is in need of help myself. I'm looking for two subordinates. Ah, could it be you..!? Could it be your lucky day..!?

Don't get too excited. I'm looking for specific qualifications. Replacing people ain't easy, especially when you have 77 volumes of memories with them. Moving right along..

First off is the straight man, the guy that really brings in all of the jokes. A virgin, a loser. 95% glasses, 3% water, 2% garbage. Your love life should be absolute trash and you idolize idols. Bowl cut is nice but not mandatory. Must answer to Pattsuan.

Second slot is for the cheap heroine. Most unladylike, flat-chested and graceless. Charming and cute in her own way, but could kick your ass. Having the appetite of a whole horse is required.

Ah, I almost forgot.. bonus points if you look anything like this.

_{[ Here, he holds up a drawing. Clearly, a masterpiece: ]}



Thanks for your time.

_{[ BUT.. HE NEVER DESCRIBES WHAT KIND OF WORK HE DOES?? ]}

Comments

[nipzips]

Maybe it's you I don't understand ... [ Why does he have an anime? Why are people drawing doujinshi of Gintoki and his teenage friend? Personally, Josuke doesn't see anything wrong with the age gap (seeing as there's a 40 year age gap between his mother and father), but the thought of people drawing a person in romantic situations with another person is downright creepy to him. ]

If she's 16 like you said, though, it's not that weird. Lots of girls that age are trying to get with guys. [ He would know, because the girls in is school keep trying to date him. ]

[penpoint]

You can with me for now.

[menphina]

I might be. How good are you with living plants?

[ She's serious. ]

With tentacles. Can't have you handling something like that unless I know you can be fully prepared.

[jumpfesta]

Living plants? You mean Pir*nha Plants? You might be asking the wrong plumber for advice on something like that.

_{[ He lifts a finger and starts picking at his ear. ]}

Tentacles.. I've dealt with that plenty of times.
It's not often you can have someone say something like that and mean it in a professional way and not a hentai way.

_{[ There's been plenty of aliens he's fought with tentacles.. just saying. ]}

[jumpfesta]

You're talking like someone like her would even have a chance for a successful love life.

_{[ wHY IS HE SO MEAN TO HIS NAKAMA??? ]}

The best kind of lover for her would be a six foot sukonbu and nothing more.

_{[ Gin-chan. Actually, he's just in denial with the fact Kagura is older now and, well, is probably more interested in that type of thing. ]}

Josuke-kun, you wouldn't understand since your family is so large. When you don't have a family, you start to see others that are bound by soul-- not by blood-- as your family.

[menphina]

I'm a healer. I need those tentacles and whatever they secrete for making medication. Could fight those creatures off myself, but then they get their juice over me and it's annoying to have to take care of it.

[ So, so professional. ]

So, I can pay someone else to do it. It'll cut down on production time. What do you say?

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Gintoki doesn't seem too bothered with this task, all things considered. However, like always, he has to make sure the price fits the task. ]}

Depends.
How much are you willing to pay me for this? And how often do you need it done? I'll even retrieve the secretions for you in nice, organized jars.

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Not the answer he wanted, but okay. ]}

.. For how much?

[jumpfesta]

They're taking long enough get here and I'm a busy person. I need subordinates ASAP.
_{[ Komaeda does bring up a good point. ]}

[jumpfesta]

So uh...
You should totally hook us up to hang out sometime, then.

_{[ Ginchan, stop being a fanboy. ]}

[menphina]

The tentacles have everything I need to get those secretions out. I need at least a whole monster's worth. Six of them. One monster is enough for plenty of batches, so I don't need more than that.

[ She blinks. ]

How much would you want for it?

[penpoint]

[ Listen man, it takes time to build new trust with publishers. ]

Hm, well. 50 Chroma. Until I get a publisher I trust well enough to use long term.

[burnt_offering]

Just text him. Tell him you're family and that's good enough.
It's not like he's hard to get ahold of.

[Suspicious! Again!

And then not. There's a lot of extenuating circumstances he thinks.] You're gonna owe me if I do this. Seriously. [He won't. Ace doesn't hold onto things like debts and what he's owed.]

[jumpfesta]

It sounds like it can be a sticky situation I find myself in, so.. for the trouble..

_{[ He names his price. Idk man. But it's something above average. ]}

How's that sound?

[jumpfesta]

I don't. I never have.

_{[ WELL. ]}

I mean, unless people didn't send me to work, then yeah, I'd take the day off. What's wrong with that?

[menphina]

Think that's a little too less for what I'm asking for.

[ She'll send him a higher amount ]

I'll pay that much. Six tentacles off a single plant-monster. I'll provide the jars. Don't break them.

[ And a wink. ]

Don't get the excretions on you. They have side effects.

[angelshot]

Nothing, actually. I was just curious.

[ And it's not like she can really go around pointing fingers being a legit lazyass herself. Whoops. ]

Can't really blame you for the creeper ad, I guess... sitting at home alone gets so fucking boring after a while.

[nipzips]

[ Why is Gintoki so mean to this poor girl? If she's 16, he can't see how she could be all that bad. Unless it's a situation where she's off her rocker and downright scary (like certain teenage girls he knows), he can't see this girl having a tough time with her love life at all. Of course, the more Gintoki elaborates, the more Josuke puts the pieces together on his own. It's true that he makes stupid decisions at times, but he's still quite a sharp kid. ]

So you see her as your family then. It must be one of those situations where you're acting mean to her because you secretly love her, huh? I was wondering why you were being so hard on this girl for no reason!

[despairing_hope]

Then just make new friends, with new personalities and quirks.

Or, in this situation I suppose hire people with the skills to do whatever it is you want of a subordinate.