video | un:jinzixun

[amidstsnow]

[look at this finely dressed deer in the headlights. this is the face of a man who's clearly trying hard at something. and while he's still new to much of the technology here, that isn't the problem. (even if the typo in his own name might suggest otherwise.)

he looks like he might turn this off after all, and maybe he's regretting that he didn't go with the texted word, but then he takes a breath and pushes forward.]

I would like to address those out there who are fathers. Or anyone who might have experience with raising a child. Sons, especially.

[a long pause...a man with as much pride as jin zixuan surely finds it hard to ask for help. but he reminds himself of his sole reason, and suddenly it all rushes out.]

How does one...form bonds with them? What activities do they enjoy? What should you talk about? Do you try to be their friend?

How do you inquire about their [his expression twists.] chroma?

Any advice would be appreciated.

[please make him father of the year, it would mean so much.]

Comments

[amidstsnow]

I don't remember being at that age.

[unless being a bitch to his fiancee counts, never sure if it was his own feelings that he was straining against, or this path that was chosen for him.

he also sort of had the world handed to him on a silver platter. that might've made it a little easier to be a "good son".]

If I ask him, he could reject me. A-Yao, you were there for him, weren't you?

[firebranding]

You grew up quite differently from most sons, young master.

[he’s not bitter he’s nOT BITTER]

One has to get used to rejection sometimes, young master. He might reject you or yell, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care or love you. You simply have to let him know you’re there. Think of it like coaxing a hurt animal by leaving out food. Eventually he will trust you.

[A pause.] I did help raise him though, yes.

[amidstsnow]

So time is also the answer.

[and he should have had that with him. seventeen years by now, and no, he's also not bitter, having his son compared to a wounded animal all because he wasn't there for him.

even here, zixuan doesn't know how much time he has, only that there's none to waste.]

I'm grateful for that. Your return...it should've happened much sooner.

[firebranding]

It often is. Very few things can be solved quickly and easily, and trust can take much of it. Time, and work.

[He pauses at that, though, not sure how to take it. His mind whirls, searching immediately for the mockery and offense that can’t be truly found.]

My... return? [he echoes slowly, carefully, as if to make sure he’d heard correctly.] To Lanling?

[amidstsnow]

You...have been nothing but good to our family since.

[even after his death, and in the one way that matters most to him.]

[firebranding]

[Oh boy. What an idiot. It’s not like Zixuan knows it all—he’s only seen what Guangyao has allowed any of them to see, but he can’t help but think it stupid for any of them to let a viper into their midsts like this, unknowingly or not.

Guangyao isn’t sure what to do with himself in response to that, feeling a darkness clench right within his chest, a festering anger that forces him to take a deep breath to calm it.]

...Our father always cared too much about the details, I suppose. It’s no surprise things got overlooked. I only did my best; I don’t need— ...I don’t need the recognition. [But it’d certainly be nice to get some of that validation.]

I will step back here, of course, to let you be the father you should have been. I will not overstep you’re authority. You... You deserve to have this. [Jin Ling deserves to have this.]

He grew up well. I...[He smiles sheepishly] Believe we may have spoiled him somewhat.

[amidstsnow]

Not needing it is not the same as not being deserving of it. You always were.

[zixuan was given much, but also earned recognition. he was never overlooked. what their father did to guangyao was deliberate, and wrong. he knows that, and if he'd spoken up more, maybe he'd actually have a brother.

somehow jin ling still had an uncle, and he'll never stop being grateful for that.]

That's to be expected. [it would be hard not to spoil a child in jin ling's circumstances.] I still need your help, A-Yao. With him. The best thing I can do for A-Ling is to strengthen our bond as well.

[firebranding]

[He feels--strange. Dizzy. He's not sure if he likes or dislikes this new resolve of Zixuan's and knows that one day he'll have to explain the truth to him too.

Dammit. Sometimes he sort of wishes he was still dead. Things were just easier that way, you know?]

Young Master... I don't know what to say. [He smiles though, because it's his default reaction to pretty much anything. Smile and lower his gaze and be demure as he thinks. It might be easier for him to strengthen the bond between father and child this way, because surely they will need the support of each other when Guangyao's indiscretions come to light.]

Of course I will help. We... never had much of a chance to form any sort of relationship back home, after all. [Beyond that of master and glorified secretary, perhaps, since Guangshan didn't seem fit to let Zixuan in on all the dirty work he was letting Guangyao stain his hands with so Zixuan's would remain more or less clean.]