video; un: nanpa_hunter

[offshoots]

[the video starts with someone (in a lot of green) too close to the screen. just the bottom half of his face is visible and his mouth moves as he mumbles something to himself. eventually, he leans back. some of you might recognize him as the Green Man who introduces himself as Robin. after a moment, he lifts his hand in a greeting.]

Hey there, folks. [that same hand rubs at the back of his neck.]

I'll make this short and sweet. [the recording turns around and focuses on a couple of these guys, brightly colored and lazily swimming around in a large fishing bowl on a windowsill. one headbutts the side of the bowl gently.

there's a sigh.]

Anybody in the market for a couple of rainbow fish? I don't want anything for 'em other than getting the responsibility out of my hands. Don't really care what you do with them, either.

[but he's out here

looking for a home for them.]

It'll be first-come, first-serve. Early bird gets the worm and all that... or fish, in this case.

Comments

[offshoots]

They raised their weapons first. I'd prefer to go about my day without any violence on my part if I can help it, thanks.

[and at a little girl, no less.]

Look, lady, when I came to on this crazy planet some person directed me to this apartment for answers and gave me a key. With no other leads, I decided to check it out. I didn't find anything but these fish, a ton of plants, and 'lo! Some alcohol about. Since that's out, there's no reason to come back here anymore. That's it.

[menphina]

Then it is yours.
Or a you that was here before.
That happens a lot, you know. Might as well go through things and see if you find anything familiar.
If you're tossing out plants, I'll take those!

[offshoots]

[not his! but, fine yes, whatever him that was here before. it sounds stupid, in his opinion, but not impossible.]

I'm taking whatever's useful, not familiar. [the headaches he can do without.

actually, the plants might be useful. he did find a journal with some notes in it about them in the bedroom.... in his handwriting... it was wild. definitely not impossible.]

Sorry, no can do. Those I'll be keeping and doing something with. A journal I found has made them worth studying.

[menphina]

Don't be greedy!! You don't need them as much as I do!
At least I'd put them to use!
What sort are they, anyroad?

[ She'll fite. ]

[offshoots]

Yeah? What do you need them for? Putting them in your hair?

They're a healthy sort not for you.

[he'll snark.]

[menphina]

[ She's flipping him the bird, he just can't see it. ]

I happen to be a healer, you wanker—
I'd use it for something far healthier than you shoving them up your arse.

[offshoots]

Really? Seemed to me like you were just some violent hag. Aren't healers supposed to be compassionate and nice to people? Maybe you should get a job. A different one.

[menphina]

Of course I'm a violent hag to swiving smelly shites that don't know what they're talking about.
At least I heal people. You don't need to be compassionate and nice to do what's right.
What the hells would you use the plants for, anyroad?

[offshoots]

[something in there strikes him hard. that he rereads it a few times.

it's not being called a swiving smelly shite.]

Mostly keeping them away from you because I feel like it.

[menphina]

I know where you are.
Won't be too hard to track you down.
Better watch your back, Carrot Stick.

[ She won't bother, and she doesn't know (even though she feels like she does for some reason) but she's threatening it.

Even if the name makes her pause. Carrot stick... ]

[offshoots]

[reading the message at first had given him a small headache but he can't parse why.]

I beg to differ. You couldn't track me even if I was under your nose.

[menphina]

Wanna bet?

[ She remembers his scent clearly and she doesn't get why she knows it this well. ]

Hide wherever you'd like. Don't complain when I win.

[offshoots]

[he is not above using his Noble Phantasm, Faceless King, that hides not only his body but his scent and any trace of him.

as such.]

Sure. If you wanna be proven wrong so badly, who I am to stop you? What's your bet, lady?

[menphina]

A date! Winner gets treated to the biggest, most scrumptious meal by the loser! No chroma spared.
And no cheating. You can't use special abilities to hide, if you've any, or the game's off.
If I can't track you the way I know how, I'll assume you did and you'll be a stinkbug.

[offshoots]

A date?
Seriously?

[HE'S ALREADY USING IT HE DOESN'T CARE IF HE'S A STINKBUG???

dating a violent, demanding, and temperamental woman like her sounds like a bad time for him. even if he did get free food out of it from winning.]

That's a funny rule you made up just now, though. It's almost like you know something or you've done your share of gambling with cheaters.

[menphina]

Why else would I have that rule?
Men like you usually don't care about honour!
Well, you're the one losing out if you cheat.
If the game's off, you don't get a big, delicious meal with the cutest Matriarch ever. ♥

Not that I'd mind losing.
You did save someone important to me.

[offshoots]

[he still doesn't. nor does he know what he's missing out on if he cheats.]

Yeah but you're also violent and I told you to remind me to stay away, remember?

If you're talking about the girl, I just happened to be there. Those goons attacked me first. It was self-defense. If you're telling her I saved her, don't.

[menphina]

Only violent when it counts.
Unless that's something you're into.
Seen far too many men wanting to be stepped on around here.

And I didn't say anything.
She's the one who said you did.
What are you so ashamed of? Trying to keep up some sort of "bad boy" image?

[offshoots]

[what the fuck]

If you're offering to step on me, hard pass.

[so the girl is saying it. something feels heavier in his chest, briefly, but he shakes it off.]

Don't you know? Girls go for the handsome bad boy.

[menphina]

[ Coward. Like she needs anyone's permission to step on them. ]

You've no sense of adventure, do you?
All I see a handsome soft boy here.
I suppose that makes you kid friendly, though.

[ Now why does that seem... familiar? ]

Strange. Feels like you'd do well with kids. Ever worked as a bodyguard?

[offshoots]

[CONSENT IS IMPORTANT!!!!!]

Nope. Especially not with being abused, k?

[kid friendly? did she ignore the crossbow and the fact that he killed those guys without hesitation? he's at least PG13.]

And definitely not. I dunno where your perception comes from, either. Stop listening to the girl.

[menphina]

[ EXCUSE DID HE FORGET WHO HE'S TALKING TO SHE'S QUEEN CONSENT FOR WHAT NEEDS CONSENT--

Oh wait he did forget carry on. ]

Little ones are a lot more perceptive than adults, you know.
And don't tell me what to do, you wanker.
She made something for you as thanks.
And I'm not going to have her heart broken, so come by and take it.

[offshoots]

[is it perceptive or brutally honest? he's going for the latter.]

I'll stop telling you what to do when you stop telling me what to do, little doctor.

[he doesn't want it. well, he DOES but he doesn't. it's complicated. at the very least, he wants to know what it is so,]

What is it?

[menphina]

Can't tell you.
Just come and get it.
I'm not going to spoil her surprise.
A lady deserves her mystery!
Meet us at the kindergarten at the second afternoon bell.

[ She means two in the afternoon, but. ]

Don't be late.