Video. un: Lord Explosion Murder

[hot_handed]

[Sitting precariously on some indistinguishable balcony outside is a teenager with wild, spiky blonde hair and even wilder red eyes. He scowls into the camera before getting right to it.]

Let me make this brief. I can't stand this shitty place, especially those shitty Moon Knights who act like they're so much fucking better than everyone else just because they swore some oath and they got the right to murder people because of it. Those extras ain't the best! You know who is the best?

I AM!!!

[He stands up on the edge, declaring his statement at the top of his lungs-

"Please sit down, you're endangering yourself and others!"

It turns out he's at some sort of cafe. Katsuki grumbles something about not being told what to do and sits back down, biting into the straw of his frappe before continuing.]

Listen up you extras, and followers of extras, and single celled organisms. I'm going to murder that exam for joining the Moon Knights, and then I'm going to murder all the villains, and I'm going to show all the whiny losers who think we're to be feared who they should be really fearing, because it sure as hell ain't the rest of you.

JUST WATCH YOUR NEW LORD EXPLOSION MURDER RISE UP TO THE RANKS AND OWN THIS SHITTY PLANET, EXTRAS, AND FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS IF YOU GOT THE GUTS!!!

["I need to ask you to leave."]

Fuck!

Comments

[whitehairedprettyboy]

It's a figure of speech, you lunatic.

[ He doesn't know where you live, he can't hurt you - ]

Big man, aren't you, threatening a person with no powers. I'm sure your Moon Knights would be thrilled to know this is how you treat the average civilian.

[hot_handed]

It's a stupid figure of speech.

Funny. You're perfectly fine to stew in your own shit actin' proud just because you got the money to pay off other people to murder teenagers for you, but as soon as one of those teens fights back you're the victim.

Give me your weapon.

[whitehairedprettyboy]

Oh, now he's a master of rhetoric, too. Where do your talents end.

[ The accusation scandalizes him, though, and he leans in closer, brandishing a finger at the screen. ]

I'm sorry?! You have victimized me, you juvenile psychopath! Look at what you did to my hair! My hair!

[ If Bakugou gets up real close to his communicator and squints, he might be able to make out a singed pixel or two.

At Bakugou's last command, Valmont leans back petulantly and crosses his arms. ]

Shan't.

[hot_handed]

If havin' enough common sense to trace a line from point A to point B is called being a master of rhetoric now, sure.

[He just rolls his eyes. He's disappointed murder over the network isn't actually possible, or else he would be resorting to that right about now. But he squints and then just...shrugs.]

It looks as shitty as it always has.

[whitehairedprettyboy]

[ GASP ]

You take that back.

[hot_handed]

And what are you going to do if I don't? Hit me with your glowstick?

[whitehairedprettyboy]

It's a sword, and -

[ Pause. Deep breath. Got to watch that blood pressure. ]

If this is some attempt to provoke me into fighting you again, it won't work. I've got no desire to be target practice for a mentally unbalanced preadolescent.

[hot_handed]

[His eye starts twitching.]

You're scared. And learn basic biology, asshole!

[whitehairedprettyboy]

[ He makes no comment on being scared, because he isn't, obviously. Just... rightfully wary, that's all. ]

Oh, did I misjudge your age? I do apologize; I was going by your mental maturity.

[hot_handed]

THAT'S FUNNY, COMING FROM THE GERIATRIC BASTARD WHO SCREAMED LIKE A BABY BECAUSE OF A LITTLE FIRE!!!

[whitehairedprettyboy]

[ Now that touches a nerve. ]

Geriatric?! I am thirty-seven, you little twerp!

[hot_handed]

Could've fooled me. I've met sixty year olds who look younger than you.

[Katsuki All Might and Enji ARE NOT SIXTY.]

[whitehairedprettyboy]

My hair color is genetic, you tosser.

[hot_handed]

Wasn't talking about the hair.

[whitehairedprettyboy]

Well, I know you weren't talking about my face.

[ his face is Beautiful ]

[hot_handed]

I wasn't talking about your broad shoulders and spry agility.

[Yes he was talking about his face because he knows it will probably set him off.]

[whitehairedprettyboy]

[ He is 1000% right, and Valmont straight-up growls into the communicator. ]

You think you're invincible just because you've got some bloody power, don't you?!

[hot_handed]

I don't think I'm invincible. But I know I could beat you, easy, if you didn't turn tail and run first.

[whitehairedprettyboy]

Right. Right! Next time we meet, we'll just see who beats whom!

[ This continues to be an extremely ill-advised notion, but it's possible he might have a plan up his sleeve. ]

[hot_handed]

Any time, Fiber Bars. Ain't no waste of my time with how quickly it would end.

[whitehairedprettyboy]

Then it is, as they say, on.

[ Ha ha nope he didn't have any kind of plan at all and now he's stuck. Time to try to get some magic powers, he guesses? ]