text; un: xiaoxingchen

[mingyues]

[ xiao xingchen is not someone who feels the urge to ask questions often. not of others, and even less so of strangers. for this, however, he'll make an exception, even if the words are hard to parse. ]

I have been thinking
The people that we are in this place, the people we become —
Is there a chance in this world for those who are destined to commit evil?
Or is it futile to expect that anything will change when we return to our worlds?

And if it is futile then... does anything we do here matter?

Comments

[mingyues]

Because the answer is not enough. None of this feels right.

We cannot die here, even if we wished to.

[scarcastically]

It sounds like you don't want an answer.

You just want to be punished.

[mingyues]

I want to fix this.

...No, but it would be deserved.

[scarcastically]

See you just contradicted yourself.

You want to fix it, but you want to be punished. You want to help, but you think you shouldn't.

That kind of thinking never gets anyone anywhere. It's a waste.

[mingyues]

[ he trusts erik enough to ramble like this, because he trusts the other to know better, to be smart and wiser and know the world that broke xiao xingchen. ]

Then how do I stop? How do I forget? How do I become sure of myself again?

[scarcastically]

You don't. That's something you live with your entire life. You can't stop or forget.

But you can only make change if you're alive.

[mingyues]

There is no choice but to live here and I made a promise to do so but..

Do you have hope?

[scarcastically]

Not for myself.

But for mankind, people? Sure. The world's what you make of it.

[mingyues]

[ not for myself.

well. that actually makes sense. ]

It is hard to think clearly without hope.

[scarcastically]

It is.

But you seem the type to have hope.

[mingyues]

I used to have it. Right now, I just feel lost.

[scarcastically]

That's normal.

[ a pause. ]

Being lost doesn't mean you can't be found.

[mingyues]

Have you been found?

[scarcastically]

No. And no one's going to.

But my case's unique.

[mingyues]

May I ask why?

[scarcastically]

Sorry. Don't really feel like going into it.

[mingyues]

May I one day ask why?

[scarcastically]

Sure, someday.

Just not on a public network.

[mingyues]

Over a drink then, perhaps?

On your own time, after all, we are friends.

[ YOU'RE NEVER GETTING RID OF THIS GREMLIN ]

[scarcastically]

[ sigh. ]

Yeah. We can do it over drinks.

[mingyues]

Thank you, Erik. I
I look forward to that.

[scarcastically]

You're a weird guy, you know that?

But let me know when you're free.

[mingyues]

No? Not really.

I will call you later.

[scarcastically]

Sure thing.