text; un: xiaoxingchen

[mingyues]

[ xiao xingchen is not someone who feels the urge to ask questions often. not of others, and even less so of strangers. for this, however, he'll make an exception, even if the words are hard to parse. ]

I have been thinking
The people that we are in this place, the people we become —
Is there a chance in this world for those who are destined to commit evil?
Or is it futile to expect that anything will change when we return to our worlds?

And if it is futile then... does anything we do here matter?

Comments

private

[mingyues]

It has never been mine, but Zichen's. The light you describe.

private

[ze_uwu_jun]

Both of you, Daozhang. He is steadfast and solid, fixed in what he believes in and his concepts of right or wrong. A pillar of strength, and shelter for those who are weak and helpless, the way that winter snow shelters the seeds against the winter cold.

You are the guide, the moonlight letting the beauty of the world matter more than the misery in it.

If you have lost your way, if you have been misled, that does not make you less what you are.

I know right now you might not see any of it. Especially in yourself. But it is still truth.

private, voice;

[mingyues]

[ his reply is a single, wet laugh. not mocking, it is as if the hurt from the future has slowly seeped into his bones, his voice, his mind and flesh and all the liminal spaces between. ]

I see why Zichen is so fond of your, Sect Leader Lan. [ no bite of envy in those words, just understanding laced with a thread of warmth. ] I wish - I wish he had not told me. But that is the hopes of a selfish person and I...

I truly do not blame Zichen for his decision. What a terrible burden it must have been to him, seeing me live with Xue Yang. I did not know.

private, voice;

[ze_uwu_jun]

[ Oh. Xichen swallows hard. I wish he had not told me... It takes the wind from his sails, but then again. Xichen himself had denied the knowledge at first. ]

It is not selfish to wish for pain to not have been inflicted, Daozhang. For the words to not have been said or, even more, for the words to not be true.

But... if you put aside your wishes or his.

Do you think something can be built on a foundation of deception?

private, voice;

[mingyues]

There is no going back to what was before, that I understand. I wish to provide and protect my family but I cannot.

I... do not know if I belong by their side any more either. [ he takes a deep breath. ] But in the end, even if I wish he had not told me, I understand I had to be told.

I still wish he had not, but I do understand. But if we... if we take our wishes aside.

Nothing can be built on a foundation of deception. Nothing worthwhile. Right now I just feel foolish, to have been the only one who did not know.