text; un: xiaoxingchen

[mingyues]

[ xiao xingchen is not someone who feels the urge to ask questions often. not of others, and even less so of strangers. for this, however, he'll make an exception, even if the words are hard to parse. ]

I have been thinking
The people that we are in this place, the people we become —
Is there a chance in this world for those who are destined to commit evil?
Or is it futile to expect that anything will change when we return to our worlds?

And if it is futile then... does anything we do here matter?

Comments

[mingyues]

And who saved you, Zewu-jun?

I cannot see anyone who could save me. Who should save me. I do not feel deserving of it. I wish my Zichen were here so that I could ask for forgiveness, to make amends to him. To do anything.

And yet... I know how selfish this is.

[ze_uwu_jun]

Several people. The one who was hurt by what I wield, by the choice of another - he was the first who refused to let me sink in my own guilt. And as part of my guilt was that I had thought my judgment sounder than his, I could not afford to make the same mistake again. His... certainty was the first reason I found to stop fighting those who were trying to save me. Even so, that was months after I learned the truth and took action according to that truth.

There are people who want to save you, and should, Daozhang, even without your Song Daozhang, though I do hope he does return to you. He spent years looking for you - is it selfish when your wish and his are the same?

Daozhang

While he was here, do you think he wanted atonement from you different from your staying alive, and safe, and as much as possible happy?

[mingyues]

I do not know.
Right now, I am not sure of anything I am supposed to know or have known. Everything is.
I just feel safe where I am right now.
In the quiet, in the darkness and safety of this place.

[ who knew that living with a ghost king could be so...peaceful? maybe he was better off with the dead as companions than the living. ]