001 | ( VIDEO + TEXT. ) | APRIL 25TH

[herocomplex]

_{[ Behold, the device reveals.. a familiar and arrogant face that hasn't been here for awhile! He's been here before, and with his confidence, it seems like he's remembering quite a few things. That's kind of a relief, right? ]}

WASSUP ALL YOU COOL CATS AND DOGS!! _{Hahaha, get it? 'Cause this is like.. furry planet.} Nobody even bothered to give me a welcome commitee for coming back to this place 'cause you're all shy? Hahaha, _{fuck you too!}
Oh, also! If you don't know me, my name's America! If that doesn't make sense to you, well, get the eff over it, man. I'm sure you've met the rest of my colleagues here and if you haven't.. well. Good thing you get to meet me first! I typically try to keep this on the d-low, but since everyone else is just throwing out their code name all willy-nilly, guess I will too! How about that, boss?! BOOYA.

ANYWAY, MY DUDES!! I just wanted to say what is up and also.. what you think about those BTSBoys? Maaaaan, they're far out. I've already had their songs on like.. repeat over and over. Anyone else feeling it? Did anyone else get a ticket for their concert already?

TEXT TO HETALIA CAST — UN: FUCKYEAH
ring a ling ding ding!! GUESS WHO BITCHES... did any of yall fuck up anything since i haven't been here and SOMEONE (looking @ u, germany) has been taking up leadership???

lol JK

UNLESS...

TEXT TO IIDA TENYA — UN: FUCKYEAH
oh my goddddd THANK GODDDD ur still here..
i was SO WORRIED about my business

_{[ But not Iida, apparently. ]}

Comments

[amant]

...wait.

Are you speaking in code?

[ WHAT CRISIS? SHOULD HE BE WORRIED? DID WE JUST HAVE A WHOOSH MOMENT? ]

I manage to sleep at night if that's what you are concerned about?

[herocomplex]

idk like
weird french crisis

what do y'all crisis over anyway???
baguette shortages.....
a strike on strikes........
somebody peeing in the french dish...

[amant]

I tend to go on a grander scale.

The accent you use when even trying to speak my language, as an example. It's horrible.

That and your ample use of Axe and Old Spice. I cannot tell if you are trying to smell like a desperate teenager about to go to prom or an octogenarian!

There are no baguette shortages when you are the one baking the baguette, America.

[A strike on strike just sounds like a good Tuesday night. That's DOUBLE the strike. Strike-ception. Let him get out the magical girl costume and he'll meet you in ten. ]

[herocomplex]

nobody wants ur baguettes, france....... that's why there is no shortage

_{[ I.. what.
RUDE?? ]}

some of ur other food tho...
if u ever feel like cooking for someone and need someone to eat it all just hit me up ok

[amant]

[ DO NOT MAKE HIM DISOWN YOU, AMERICA. ]

I'm two seconds from seeing how far I can shove one into that disrespectful mouth of yours!

[ W...ow. Kinky. Food kinky. ]

Is that all I am good for to you? You own a restaurant. Cook for yourself.

[ Empty threats, really. ]

[herocomplex]

you'd never get anything of yours anywhere near my mouth!! TRUST ME!!

_{[ He's.. oblivious to his wording there. Sorry. ]}

no way, man!!! you're a lot more than that!!
trust me 😘😘

[amant]

Nothing of mine? Oh, that is problematic, America. My cuisine is as much a part of me as my pinky toe. I guess I am not going to cook for you after all!

[ What an absolute shit. ]

WHAT ARE THOSE EMOJIS FOR?!

[ It's weird, man. It's weird. ]

[herocomplex]

not FORCIBLY... i can eat all of it on my own i don't need ur help THAT'S WHAT I MEAN u dummy

it means...
ur my back up!!! that's what you're good for!!
and presents..!! giving me support!!

_{[ So. A sugar daddy. Sugar uncle. ]}

sometimes i wonder if the special relationship i had with england should have been with you

_{[ What is happening.. ]}

butt
can't undo what's been done
esp by ur bosses so

ur just francey pants to me
it's a compliment

[amant]

I've seen you at a crab boil when I visited Louisiana last. It was terrifying. Are you so sure that you can eat all on your own?

[ That visit had been of his own volition, so it's on him that he had to sit through that whole ordeal. He actually clucks disapprovingly from his end of the phone. ]

You and Vietnam both are very guilty of this, you know. She has the excuse of being a former French territory. You on the other hand...

[ He's always been a bit of a softie when it comes to the younger ones, and the following few texts don't help his case any. Yep, certainly reminded as to why this place is awkward. ]

Bosses come and go, as do the labels we feel are necessary in the present moment. I will take your compliment, though.

[herocomplex]

me and vietnam have a lot in common i guess!! tell her i'm a good person, ok?? she doesn't believe it from my mouth lololol

anyways.. you're the guy that likes to spoil us so it's really not our fault...
i'd rather have ur spoiling than england's anyway..
tehe

_{[ He says stiff like this cause he knows it's a way of him batting his lashes. But it's also true. America is ungrateful and doesn't really care for England's attention much. ]}

[amant]

[ There is the sigh to end all sighs at the compliments being sprinkled via text. He knows this game and yeeeeeet...]

May I suggest tape, or perhaps a nice gag for that problem you have? It is rather persistent.

[ He's so used to sassing that he presses send before he can think of the repercussions and a moment passes of him staring down at the 'received' icon unblinkingly before: ]

See, there it goes, trying to run and get in my favor. What do you want this time? ...I'm not buying you a gag. I already regret sending that last text.

[ It's not like France is speaking against his love of spoiling, because he does. He really does. That doesn't mean he won't pretend to make a fuss over it. ]

[herocomplex]

a gag?
why would i want that?

_{[ Sweet summer child. ]}

[amant]

What do you want me to cook for you then?

[ He's resorted to burying his head in shame. Good thing this isn't Face Time ]

[herocomplex]

_{[ He has no idea what is going on. ]}

hMMMMMMM
how about a
surprise me

:)

i'm sure it'll be good whatever it is