video; un: ningen

[ningen]

[A red-clad man appears in the video, clearing his throat. He looks... well, he's smiling? It's a really kind of trumped-up fake smile, but it's there.]

Greetings, fellow Moonblessed! Dazai here. It's been brought to my attention that I don't have any friends! While I don't think this is a problem, because I am a self-sufficient man who has no time for things like entertaining others or not being destroyed by my own self doubt, I'm sure other people would be very sad if I remained absolutely, positively bored out of my mind because I have no one to talk to or drink with.

[Ahem.]

Not that that bothers me, like I said! It's fine! But if anyone were to, say, be interested in literature, or fashion, or fine decor... Or stiff drinks... If you're a writer or an aspiring one... If you're really in the mood to let an upstanding and not-at-all-lonely person sleep on your couch... Well, I'm definitely a match! Why, if you're a writer, we could start a salon of sorts... think about that!

I must go back to very important writing, because I'm an author, and that's what we do, you know, we don't just wait around for inspiration while we're wallowing. But I'll check back here now and then.

Ah, I'm also accepting fans, too. You can find some of my work linked below! Thank you. This has been Dazai Osamu.

[He bows. And end. And sure enough, there's some literature linked! It's short stories he hammered out, and they're a bit self-indulgent and autobiographical and maybe a little depressing, but they're expertly written, at least.

But for the love of god help this man.]

Comments

[tigerpoet]

Your work is amazing as always.

[ningen]

This is far from my best work, but I...

[Thought it might get him some positive attention.]

...got a little antsy about holding it back!

[tigerpoet]

It's hard to find a good editor on short notice. I think these are plenty impressive.

[ningen]

Ahaha, who needs an editor these days? Not me!

[We publish first drafts like men.]

[tigerpoet]

I don't think I'll ever be brave enough to publish without one...

[ningen]

I don't know any, and I didn't have time to find one!

[tigerpoet]

You know, I could get a red couch if it's that important to you?

[ningen]

No need! I'll find someone who already has one. You can save up that precious chroma for something else.

[tigerpoet]

Are you sure...? I'll still worry about you.

[ningen]

Mmm... Why?

[Dazai speak for PLEASE WORRY ABOUT ME.]

[tigerpoet]

...I'm trying to think of a polite way to put this besides 'because you're Dazai', give me a minute...

[ningen]

Nnnn..... Maybe that's... a little valid... Sometimes...

[AHEM.]

[tigerpoet]

Sorry. You - well, the best authors usually have troubled lives, right? So it's only natural for a writer of your caliber to have a few problems now and then.

[ningen]

Right! Perfectly normal...

[Not that he actually likes being depressed and kinda... weird. It's just that that's how he is, and he might be a little incapable of changing. A conundrum, when nothing around you stops for you, and you have to drag yourself forward even when you're not ready. Dazai always wanted to be at the front of the crowd, not lagging behind, and yet...]

I'm mad.

[tigerpoet]

I'm sorry.

['I'm mad' means 'I'm mad at you', right?]

[ningen]

Why're you sorry?

[Dazai, it's because you have to use the right words to explain things and not just the words you think are sufficient because everyone else finds you inscrutable.]

[tigerpoet]

Be...cause I made you mad?

[ningen]

No, no, no... I'm not mad at you!

[tigerpoet]

Oh. [Well now he feels silly.] Then, why are you mad?

[ningen]

.....Mmmmmm.

[Huff.]

I'm mad something random and weird messed everything up, so I'm all turned around and I have to start over! I'm mad that I left you alone! I mean, okay, so you've got friends, whatever, but... I mean, without me, your life was twenty times more boring and you probably wore mismatched socks or something.

[And part of him is furious that this place didn't stop the world for him. That people carried on and had lives and forgot him. But that part he's keeping to himself.]

[tigerpoet]

It was lonely when you left...

[Even if he invited Ranpo to live with him to fill the void both of them felt with their missing roommates - Dazai's still the only person who's ever come here from Atsushi's world. He makes Atsushi feel less wrong.]

But there's not much we can do about who comes and goes.

[ningen]

I know.

[Doesn't mean he likes it, dammit.]

I can't even do what I want to do, which is tell you that I'm sad I can't live with you anymore because maybe I misjudged you a little bit back home and maybe I was too narrow-minded and now that I got to know you a little bit you're actually... A good guy. And maybe a little cooler than I gave you credit for.

[tigerpoet]

Dazai... If you want to move back in - Ranpo barely uses his own bed, I'm sure we could find some arrangement where you get to stay with us.

[Even if Dazai didn't say all these nice things about him, Atsushi would still make the offer.]

[ningen]

[He shakes his head.]

Two people can't share a closet! Those things are tiny!

[Oh my god is that what this is about.]

[tigerpoet]

Oh, you're right, I don't think we'd have room for all your clothes...

[w o o p s]