prismatica | [Video] U/N: teacupprincess

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[Video] U/N: teacupprincess

[Perne is situated at a cosy-looking table in the Azure cafe. Chin in the palm of her hand, she tucks dark hair behind the shell of an ear.

Last time, she asked about a cathedral and couldn't recall getting a direct answer. She has, since then, assumed such a thing doesn't exist. But it did beckon some very interesting religious theory conversation.

This time, she has something different she is hunting for.]

I have found mineself with an alarming amount of free time and wish to invest it somewhere other than excessive and possibly unnecessary thought. I thought I had once heard rumour of a theatre house here in Lunatia. Is that true? I am aware we have other exhibitions of art, but mayhaps something musically or stagecraft inclined could be of benefit to many of us with such interests.

I acted as patron and worked within an opera house back where I hail from. I should like to reprise the role.

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I suppose that is true. I never really thought of it that way. Perhaps because I had not yet been afflicted. You not so recently arrived and you have already gone through much more than I have. Either fortunate for me, or simply unfortunate for you.

[Her head dips thoughtfully.]

Some of us do not need the extra encouragement. In truth, it is not such an unpleasant thing. I think I just prefer have the ability to make that decision on mine own. I feel like it is mine right to choose when and whom and how. At least, I feel more comfortable when I can do that. Otherwise, there is a lack of control and... Well. There is a certain amount of trust needed for me to surrender that.

[ It can be both -- fortunate for her, and unfortunate for him. But he doesn't comment on that. He just listens to the rest of what she has to say, which is more important. And it's familiar to him, because it's something he'd talked about with estinien. He stirs his tea (and the birch syrup in it) while he considers how he wants to respond.

Finally: ]

There are times that I wish to blame my behavior on this place. That were it not for the sanguis moon, I would never had given into these sorts of desires. For so long, I had gone without. In the Holy See, I was content. [ You know, back when he was still a virgin before he showed up here. ] But, I confess, that never quite sits right with me. It feels like an attempt to escape mine own guilt and with it the accountability I should have.

Guilt should not feel like such a old friend. And I don't say it to suggest that you should feel the same. What I think is that each person has to confront these questions in their own way. To me, it feels more correct to believe they are always my choice. Not just for a sense of agency, though I wish I could tell you that were the reason. But because I, as all of us from Ishgard, was taught to repent for my sins. It is, for better or worse, almost a creature comfort at this point. But for you...if viewing it that way -- as a question of surrendering yourself to it -- is what makes the most sense, then perhaps the answer is to find someone you can trust enough to catch you when you are ready to fall.

[Perne simply holds her tea between her hands, finding in them in those moments, a strange ease and familiarity. There have been many moments, many times that she has sat precisely the way she is now. Chin tipped up, her attention poised intently on company, and ears hanging onto every word given.

It is a moment that she can easily acknowledge she feels content in. One that she realises she... would not hate more moments like that. Every time she begins to admit that she doesn't hate absolutely everything, she finds herself pausing and reassessing. Are these feelings the true ones?

She thinks on his words. Mulls over them. Turns them over. Analyses them. Scrutinises them. Just speaking with him about it brings to light concepts she has fretted about in private. Perne has kept so much locked up for so long and whilst she is only now beginning to slowly unravel, she has come to understand just how much she has carried. How much she continues to.

There's actually quite a lot to unpack. It will not all come out now or even soon, but in these moments, the ones where she feels she can so perfectly find her reflection in his gaze, she... feels closer to him. In a way she's needed to be.]

I made an accord upon coming here, thinking I could survive by simply doing that. I thought I could absolve mineself of any guilt I felt if I said I was only doing it to survive. Whether that was mine attempt to fool mineself into a charade, I could hardly say. I also thought that if I felt guilt, I deserved to. I deserved every moment of condemning mineself and admonishing mineself.

But...
The thing is...

[Her gaze drops uncertainly and she traces her fingertip nervously around the rim of her cup.]

No one should have to feel that way. No one should have to feel shame because they take comfort in the presence of another person. Not you. Not me. Not anyone here. Not anyone in Ishgard either. We deserve our comforts when we may find them. Our joys. I thought I could be here and just... survive on the bare minimum. Instead, I am finding I am not that stalwart. It is possible that I have already surrendered.

...Even sitting here with you like this, I feel... Well. I feel. I was almost certain I had stopped feeling anything at all. But when I am with you, I feel both longing and a bittersweet... I do not know. Something. I feel something. For all that I argue with you and snap and bite as if I am some ferocious little beast, and mayhaps I am, that is not all of me. I suppose I want you to be able to see all of me. Perhaps so that I can find a form of surrender in you.

[ Perne has a lot of thoughts on the matter. It's surprising, but good, to hear her speak her mind so. Perhaps a little ironic, after what they were talking about earlier. But he's glad that she comes to the revelation anyway. Some people just needed to figure it out for themselves rather than hearing it from others. Perne was very clearly one of those people.

And, of course, it is rather flattering that she wants to be able to show him more about herself.

There's a lot he could get into -- about shame, and about deserving. About the excess to which he had enjoyed things lately. But those are particulars that don't matter as much as the important parts here. ]

I would like to see more of you.

[It is, frequently, difficult to gauge Aymeric's responses to most things. For all that Perne observes him, he is incredibly hard to get to know or to understand. And it makes her wonder if that's generally how it's been for those trying to get into her own head a little.

His very simple response could be interpreted far weightier than it actually is. And considering the nature of the world they are in, it has other connotations that go with it and would not be implausible to consider.

She says nothing at first, simply eyes him from over her tea and the long drink she indulges in.]

Likewise. I find mineself reflected in those sentiments where you are concerned, Aymeric. You do not make it convenient to know you. Thus you present a challenge.

[A pause.]

I like challenges.

[ Aymeric is surprised at what she says and it shows. He's never meant to be a challenge to anyone. And certainly others have accused him of being too open. But then again, those were people who had grown close to him, people who had gotten to know him beyond his title and beyond his role in Ishgard. ]

If that is the case...perhaps it is simply because I have for too long had to act in a manner befitting to my position. It is not my intention to be difficult to understand.

I think you would be well within your rights to do so, if you ever chose to intentionally be as such.

[Considering his position, it would be pertinent that his safety was paramount. The nature and history of their people... Logically it would dictate that he take his companions with a great deal of care. In the world of politics, a flame can be extinguished quite simply if one fails to have adequate protection.

Perne seems to have found his nature to be rather deliberate. Or at least had prior to his contrarian response.]

I believe in time and circumstance these things about us shall change. At least minutely. Again, I find I may prefer it that way. I do not believe anything worth having is meant to be convenient. Not that all things must be complex, but rather that I like the idea of the effort that goes into the blossoming of relationships.

[Just. Like. Plants.]

[ Yes, just like plants -- as he was saying earlier with his metaphor about seeds earlier. At least she gets there now herself, even if she was offended when he brought it up before. ]

Each relationship is different and takes a different manner of cultivation, it's true. I do not doubt that you're capable of putting in the work.

Well, if mine relationship with flowers is any indication, no truer assessment of me has ever been made.

I wonder, are you implying you need to be watered and fertilised regularly?

[She grins. An actual grin. It appears that Perne is teasing him.]

[ Oh dear...Aymeric blushes and tries to look down at his tea and away from her gaze. Why does it sound so sexual, fury help him. Is it just because it's sanguis?? Is he just reading into this? That just makes him more embarrassed, if it's just him. ]

I... [ don't be weird, don't be weird, it's chill, it's fine ] I'm not sure it quite works that way.

Edited (that wasn't the icon i picked...) 2020-05-14 18:24 (UTC)

[Endearing.

Perne really has no way of knowing what's going through his head, but she can hazard a guess. If Aymeric was a plant...

Well. She'd take very good care of him, obviously.

She cannot help laughing and hides it into her teacup as she eventually composes herself.]

How absolutely flustered you get. That is rather adorable, you know.

[Yes. She very much prefers it when she's not the one being flustered. She had not intended to add such a tone to it, but somehow she is pleased that she's managed to, even inadvertently.]

So I've been told.

[ It's way worse when he has his dog traits, so thankfully with the dragon stuff it isn't as obvious. ]

You do not believe it then?

[She peers at him from over the top of her cup, trying to hide the smile in her features.]

Or you do not like being called that. It is one of the two.

Oh, I believe it. I just rather wish it weren't the case.

[ He wants to be cool and never get flustered!! that's the dream ]

[They can agree on that.]

I actually think your ability to get flustered makes you more attractive. To see an imperfection... I like that realism.

I assure you, I have several imperfections. I am quite real.

And I am saying I like the imperfections. Only be yourself, whoever that may be. Whoever you choose to be. You should not think too badly of flustered moments, is what I am trying to say. You may not like it, but it is quite charming.

That's kind of you to say. I hope you'll be able to allow that same kindness with yourself.

Are you trying to turn mine words around on me?

[She cocks an eyebrow, amused.] Again? [Because she is well aware that he has developed a habit of doing that. In a way, it's a compliment. It means she at least knows how to say the right thing.]

[ Aymeric laughs. ]

You do make it rather easy.

[His laughter is infectious. She cannot help reflecting the same.]

I cannot fault you there. If I have provided you with the ammunition, it seems a shame to let it go to waste. But just you wait. I will find a way to get you back. Killing you with kindness or something. Poor seduction techniques. You will either fall into bed with me or simply die laughing. I would consider both successes.

I have to say, I cannot complain about either.

[She laughs a little harder, ignoring the flush touching her cheeks. No matter how hard she pushes herself, she's not invincible to fluster. Wishful thinking.]

I think that is the most forward you have been with me since we have met. A reflection of mine own, I suspect. If I can be forward, then so can you too.

[Perne smiles, distinctly pleased. With his response. With her own. With the notion of having audacity.]

During the Sanguis moon, it is easier for me.

[ That sweet Sanguis power, Qih'sae knows it well. ]

Perhaps being here has made it easier still.

I think I can relate.

[Time. Patience. Circumstance. Perhaps Cordis is not so different in some ways as well.]

I... kind of like the forward. That is, 'tis unexpected. I admittedly like things that catch me a little off guard. A little spontaneity is nice. Gives me less time to build a defence for it.

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This became so much longer than I expected; I am sorry.

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