prismatica | VIDEO; un: robotman

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VIDEO; un: robotman

There's some-- some easy solution to all of this, right? Surviving the cycle with your sanity intact? Something I'm overlooking? Am I too distracted?

[Dressed in a black tank top, Robotnik looks... well, stressed out, mostly. And weirdly translucent. And sweaty. Definitely moonblessing issues. His hair's a mess, his mustache isn't faring much better, and he's pacing back and forth judging by the movement of the screen. Of course, the obvious solution is staring him right in the face, but he's ignoring that right now.

He's not even sure why he's bothering with the network. He was intending to suffer in silence, get this over with, get back to what passes for normal around here. But he wants to talk to people. Since fucking when? People are the last thing he needs, ever, but especially now.

Iris, he's concluded over and over again, is indeed the worst.]

Barring the obvious, I mean. It's-- It's incredible. I thought-- I thought I could take it, thought I could handle it. Nothing stumps me like this. [He runs a hand through his hair.] Everything has been... inconclusive. Ridiculous! Inconclusive! Think about it! I can't figure it out! Me!

[He's babbling. But in his defense he's running through his first Iris cycle on the heels of having a serious fucking case of alien-mind-share-device-induced brain junk data. Shit's fucked.]

How the hell do you live like this?

[Yes, he's absolutely making way too big of a deal out of this but he doesn't care.

He'll care later, probably. He'll definitely care later. But not now.]

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[Sloooooow breath, heavy sigh, rubs his forehead with a hand.]

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

_{[ Your suffering fuels him. Do continue. ]}

I'm an exhibitionist, so I look forward to being spied on.

_{[ That's only true during Cordis cycle since he becomes sort of a slut, but. That's a small detail. ]}

Though, if I see you turning any cute little woodland creatures into robots, I might have to interfere.

[UGH WHAT EVEN IS THIS GUY'S DEAL.]

You have fun with that. I have far more important things to--

[Woah hold on, what the fuck?]

What the hell would I do that for? That sounds like a waste of time and resources.

_{[ OH HO. He's been caught giving away some information.
How interesting, though.. ]}

It's sort of what you do in my world. I mean, that's what it seems like in all of the games. Turn all the animals into robots for your robo-utopia.. and Sonic isn't having any of it.

He outwits you every time, by the way.

So, what, the blue rat has some friends in the game industry, made me the bad guy?

[That's the vibe he's getting from this, because, uh, what? How do you even turn an animal into a robot? Replacing parts, obviously, but the time that'd take instead of making something from scratch? ~~(or grounder)~~

It's fishy.]

I can assure you, I don't do that. That's physically impossible.

Guess you could say that.

_{[ Cause even Gintoki doesn't feel right saying "your existence is fictional" even though he's self aware of himself too. Some people's little hearts can't take it. ]}

Sounds like you're onboard for robot utopia, though.
_{[ Simply cause he didn't deny that. ]}

There's rings, too.. and emeralds.. a two tailed fox...

_{[ pops his lips together.. ]}

Anyway, he's plastered all over Akihabara. _{Sometimes I wonder if Mario is actually his real nemesis, especially when it comes to popularity polls.}

I wouldn't say no to robot utopia. I like robots, remember? But right now all I'm doing is improving my technology. I have no interest in inefficient methods of... animal replacement. That'd be ridiculous.

[The game sounds... pretty stupid, honestly. Although the mention of rings is familiar.]

Rings... those portal devices?

[He doesn't know what emeralds or a fox have to do with anything, but maybe the blue rat knows.]

Wonder if that's what I'm in for whenever I make it back. Creature-fueled propaganda about how I'm somehow terrible for doing my goddamn job.

Maybe. It's been awhile since I've played..I think I got to play a bonus round in another dimension if I had enough rings, so yeah.

_{[ One thing is certain, Gintoki isn't familiar with where this doctor comes from, but.. at least there's some correlations. ]}

Best takeaway from this is there's another world where everyone thinks you're a sham and a super easy boss to beat.
Also fat. Really fat.

It's thanks to one of those damn things that I'm here in the first place.

[At least that's what he still insists, no matter what anyone says. He went through one, then ended up here, so it's clearly the portal and all this moonblessing shit came as a result of that.

Aaaaaand wait a second.]

F-fat?

[He looks down at himself and-- nope, still skinny.]

Of all the unnecessary insults... why that?

_{[ Alright. He's gotten this far and he simply can't resist any longer. He's killing to know the reaction. ]}

Just a moment.

_{[ Gintoki is getting up from what seems to be a floor table and now it's Robotnik's turn to get a small gander at the inside of his apartment since he has a device propped up on a table. It looks old Japanese style and has a sliding door as he walks into another room, a dog creature following him.

He comes back with a piece of paper and starts drawing what he can remember of this Eggman, muttering to himself. ]}

Really bushy mustache, no hair, shaped like onigiri..

_{[ Then, he holds up his beautiful artwork. He's not the best artist: ]}

If you ask me, I think you're the luckier one here.
_{Oi, I didn't mean to make their hands so close together, but I guess that's a thing too.}

[He watches him draw with an eyebrow raised, curious to know just how they've slandered him wherever this guy comes from. And then he shows off the picture... and at first all Robotnik can do is stare.]

What. The fuck.

[Well, that's definitely the blue rat, alright, but the other one's supposed to be him??? SINCE WHEN?

Okay, maybe his mustache does do that when he doesn't take care of it properly but the rest??? What the fuck? What the fuck????]

Oh, someone really has it out for me. I don't look anything like that!!!

Well, yeah, I see that now.

_{[ He sets his artwork aside. Maybe he's a little proud of it and doesn't have the heart to throw it away. ]}

You gonna do something about this? Make everyone think you're cool and not a baldy, round loser?

_{[ Make Robotnik Great Again™ ]}

[He's gonna do something about it, alright.]

Oh, they'll wish they'd never thought to insult me, I can tell you that.

[...As soon as he gets out of here, anyway. Right now, he doesn't particularly feel like doing anything about it, what with other things on his mind. Good distraction, though.]

I just can't fucking believe...

[Grumble grumble grumble.]

That's the spirit.

You can start by mass producing Janet Jackson sexbots.

_{[ wHY IS HE BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN. ]}

Anyway. Like I said, think more about making your Iris-relief toy something more human-like. You might be pleasantly surprised.

_{[ You're apparently a bad guy, but Gintoki is a person that helps everyone. It's just his Thing. And he can obviously see Robotnik needs help. ]}

Maybe it'd encourage you to give humans a chance one day.

There will be absolutely zero Janet Jackson sexbots, I can assure you of that.

[Nope, he ain't doing it, and every time he hears about it, he'll be doing even less, so there. Have fun with negative Janet Jackson sexbots.]

But... I don't know. I'll see. I'm going to make sure to work on the functionality before I even bother with aesthetics. It doesn't matter what it looks like if it can't fuck me like I need it to.

[He thinks about what he said for a moment, then groans. He needs this shit to be over with, that's what he needs. He doesn't even say anything snarky about "giving humans a chance."]

...Ugh.

You'll figure it out.

_{[ Gintoki gives a thumbs up. ]}

After all, you're good at this.
At least, sounds like in your universe you might be.

_{[ I mean, maybe. It sounded like Sonic bamboozled him here somehow, but Gintoki has some respect for the man. After all, the franchise is a huge hit in his world. ]}

I'm good at anything I decide to be good at, universe or no.

[Which... means he's really committing to this project, apparently.

This is his life now.

At least until everything goes back to normal and he can regret his decisions again.]

It'll be easy.

Can't wait to buy Robonik's Brand: Sexbots.

Happy to help during these trying Iris times for you.
If robot-dick doesn't work, you might just have to bite the bullet and deal with humans.

_{[ He's really encouraging this cause it's so obvious this guy has some serious hang ups that he needs to get over. ]}

Sorry about that.

They'll need a better name than that. Sex...niks. Fuckniks. No. Nooooo.

[He groans dramatically.]

Gah, you can't translate badnik into something workable. I'll think of something! When I can think more clearly.

[While he's lamenting his lack of creative naming ideas, he narrows his eyes.]

Last resort. Last fucking resort.

Now is the perfect opportunity to use Robotnik’s Robuttniks, but that’s just me.

_{[ Man, he’s really stubborn when it comes to this. ]}

Oi, do I need to ask what horrible human did something horrible to you to make you feel that way?

_{[ Is there trauma or is this guy just really cranky? A mystery. ]}

Being a therapist is in my job description. You kind of need it.

I am not calling them Robuttniks. I'm not calling anything Robuttniks.

[He's stubborn too, dammit.

He glares down at the camera, though.]

I don't need a therapist and I don't know why you think it's any of your business.

[Nobody needs to be subjected to his giant collection of Issues.]

Humans are stupid and I have no need for them. That's it.

[That's not it.]

But you’re a human.. aren’t you?
_{[ OR IS HE.. ]}

If you are, wouldn’t that make you stupid?

Anyway, I couldn’t agree with you more on that statement, but that doesn’t mean I have no need for them.

_{[ A stark difference. Gintoki wouldn’t be where he is today without the people who worked their way into his life. ]}

I'm beyond that, [he says, like it means anything.] I've put such things so far behind me, they mean nothing.

[He's... not being particularly intimidating with how sweaty he is. Unfortunately, no matter how much he yells about this or that... the pesky heat won't go away.]

I only need machines. People only cause problems.

_{[ His eyebrows raise but his eyes remain dead and uninterested looking. Quickly, he pulls out a pair of glasses, a notepad and a pen, responding flatly: ]}

Oh, I see.. you're not human. You're something beyond that. A narcissist.

_{[ He's writing... something. ]}

How does that make you feel, Robotnik-san?

VIDEO; un: robotman

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