✨ Video ☆ UN: Mr. Swift ✨

[bombvault]

[It’s a rough world to be in for someone who is unfamiliar with the technology and is lacking the attention span to keep at it. But he's nothing if not determined! As a result some of those tuning into this network post might notice how scripted the attached video sounds. All due to the fact that it's been recorded then trashed several times until a good take was captured.]

[As for the man caught on film he looks so old-timey circus it ought to be a parody. But it isn't.]

It’s my birthday today! 'Why is that important' you may ask? Because you don’t know me and certainly I don’t know you. Well, let me tell you!

[The video pans away from the smiley individual to a cake that looks quite like this and then back. If Mike hadn't been raised in the circus he might've been destined to be a chef.]

Now I’ve gone ahead and baked this cake. But I've only recently arrived so I don’t have enough people here that I can share it with. Now isn’t that just something? It’s a real problem I have on my hands. So, I need some volunteers.

[The perspective settles on the counter so he can point directly at the camera. You, yes you, imaginary audience member.]

But there’s a catch! You’ve got to introduce yourself and let me know what you lot do around here for fun. It’s a fair trade, I think.

Comments

[saezuru]

[ Doumeki's schedule when he's not guarding his boss consists of working out and not much else, so he's certainly not busy by the time Mike shows up.

He's kept an ear out for cake, though, so he makes it to the door, all 6'2" of him, and answers with his usual deadpan. ]

Swift-san?

[ Yeah, all he got was the username, sorry. ]

[bombvault]

Woah! You're tall.

[Mike has to crane his head in order to beam up at Doumeki. He's oh so tempted to peak around the man just to snoop into the business of a mafia member. It being rude is the only reason Mike resists doing it. Although the way his eyes are flickering back and forth isn't exactly subtle.]

That's me! You can call me Mr. Swift if you want but it's a stage name, don't you know? So a simple Mike is fine too! Either way I hope you're hungry because here's your cake.

[He shoves it into Doumeki's hands. Apparently not worried about giving his actual name to someone in the mafia. It's fine.]

[saezuru]

[ Oh, don't worry. Doumeki's apartment is bare-bones. In fact, you'd barely be able to tell he lives there. He just doesn't have a lot of personal effects. ]

I get that a lot.

[ He is very tall. And very stoic. He doesn't mind Mike's energy at all, though. In fact, he'll let him in if he likes. For a mafia guy, Doumeki's very chill. ]

Thank you, Mike-san. [ He takes the cake. It's cool. ] You can come in if you like.

[bombvault]

No thanks required! But since I walked all this way-! Don't mind if I do.

[Mike's agile as he slips past the wall of a man to go sit crossed legged on the nearest piece of furniture]
[Then he looks at Doumeki expectantly. Is he just as deadpan in real life as he is online? Inquiring minds got to know.]

So?

[saezuru]

[ He is, he very much is. He stands there, cake in hand, staring at Mike with the same blank expression. ]

So?

[ You're going to have to ask, he's not very good with company, he was just saying that to say it. ]

[bombvault]

So!

[He chirps. Bet Doumeki didn't anticipate that he was going to get a pep talk when he let Mike in.]

You've got your one friend- or your boss at least. But you should tell me about other people you've met so far. Because the more friends you make the more fun you can have later!

[saezuru]

[ He definitely did not think this through. Maybe Doumeki will start to take the cake to the kitchen while this Mike-san goes on about his life. ]

Why?

[ Quite the talker, this one. ]

[bombvault]

[Mike isn't phased by this. But it's a good thing that he's got the gift of the gab.]

Because you wished me happy birthday so maybe I want to help you out in return. Really- that's all there is to it! What's so wrong about a little tête-à-tête?

[saezuru]

Oh.

[ What a strange person. The exact kind of person that Doumeki gravitates towards, so he doesn't seem to mind his strange logic.

And he did give him free cake. ]

I have met several people. I don't know that I could call any of them my friends...

[ He pauses. He's only talked to a few people more than once. Who stands out...? ]

Maybe Tsutsujimori-san?

[bombvault]

[Look at that: progress! Mike grabs hold of his crossed over ankles so he can lean forward without losing his balance.]

That's a start! You don't have to call anyone a friend right away. Actually, hmmm, doing that is sort of weird.

[Mike tilts his head and smiles.]

Anyways~ back on track! What about this Tsutsujimori-san stands out to you?

[saezuru]

I think so too.

[ Come to think of it, does Doumeki even have friends at home? Probably not. His relationship with his boss isn't what you'd call friendly... ]

He seems like a good person. We exchanged advice about people who we are close to, and I aided him in gaining chroma by holding his hand.

[bombvault]

[So he likes 'good people'! That leaves a good impression on Mike. With his little rosy cheeks and all.]

Sounds a lot like what you two had was reciprocated generosity. That's really lovely! Oh, look at you, you totally do know how to make friends.

[So what's stopping Doumeki from keeping them?]

Say, are there people that you hate? Oh oh, what do you hate about them? That's important too!

[saezuru]

[ Well, he considers Yashiro to be a good person, so maybe his perspective is a little warped. But Rosho is probably a good person... ]

I suppose.

[ Well, there was the whole jail stint, that certainly ended any friendships he might have had before, back home ]

I hate people who hurt my boss. [ He clenches his fists. Just thinking about that makes him frustrated. ] I hate them because they use him like he doesn't matter to anyone.

[bombvault]

Mm, I don't blame you! It's really hard to see people you care about get hurt.

[He watches Doumeki tense up with a far-off look.]

But does that happen often?

[saezuru]

Not a lot. Not here.

[ It's lucky, maybe, that the other families were so far away. Even still... ]

People who take advantage of others. Because they're weak or kind. I hate them.

[bombvault]

I couldn't agree with you more. But that kind of rude and violent person can be found just about anywhere. It's really unfortunate!

[Excuse him as he over-emotes his lamentation.]

But here I thought maybe I could escape some of them by getting kidnapped? But it turns out that isn't the case at all.

[saezuru]

They are bad people.

[ Somebody's gotta emote around here and it's not gonna be Doumeki. ]

There will always be people like that.