prismatica | 003✖; (audio @hot.damn)

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003✖; (audio @hot.damn)

Important question: How do you tell if someone's your friend?

Is it something that people just... know or do they have a conversation about it?

[How does friendship work and more importantly, can you eat it?]

The whole concept of friendship always seemed strange, honestly. People just decide "Hey, this person isn't a complete piece of shit"? Weird. [Well, now she might just be projecting onto herself.

[So, wait. Does this mean that she has friends? Does anyone have friends? How annoying.]

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It's just cuddling at that point.

[At least she has the self-awareness to acknowledge that.

[There's an awkward pause on her end now.]

Well, there was... someone, a while ago. Think it was only easier then because she was... tied up, at the time. Didn't have to stress over being touched-- [She stops, remembering how sketchy that sounds on its own.] Consensual tying, of course. She's into that shit.

You find cuddling a little strange too, then?

[Granted, the lacing part of it felt nice, but that's honestly the only reason she'd even partake in it when there was still that part of her mind that worried that she might accidentally hurt somebody through it if it went on too long.

While the next response does give her a bit of a pause, LB supposed she wasn't going to fault one for having different kinks.]

I'm not here to judge, hahaha! But I don't know... if it's the touching part that bothers you, surely it shouldn't be hard to find someone that would accommodate you for that much?

Sometimes it's... all right.

[Rey's cuddled, a few times before and a couple times here, enough to have noticed the differences and feel conflicted about it.]

Am sure there are. It just... [Ugh, words man. How do they work.] Fuck, don't know. Just feels like there're forces in this place that's constantly trying to push certain boundaries. Or maybe that's how things usually are when you're not fighting every second not to die yet.

It is nice sometimes, but I wonder how much of the lacing aspect makes me tolerate it more too. But I guess either way, I can't complain too much.

I guess the forces can be a little convenient sometimes, but uh... I guess in your case it'd be really not so great at all. But... I hear you on the last part too, ahaha... I think there's circumstances that I wouldn't be able to tolerate with any amount of outside forces because of my own situation.

And lacing is a whole other thing. Would any of the shit happening here be okay if there wasn't some... chemical or magical reaction fucking with our brains?

[Rey's definitely felt it, and that's always been the nerve-wracking part to her. The part that makes her want to jump out of windows and run before getting too cozy with someone in their bed. The thought alone makes her ill, wondering how much of it she would allow otherwise.]

I... I guess I don't actually know?

[While LB is pretty down to fuck, the whole dragon mating season thing made her question if the other party was down for it too.]

It's hard to ignore when it feels so nice, though.

[Particularly when alcohol and drugs didn't do anything for her.]

[Rey at least has that much going for her -- she still needs copious amounts of alcohol and the magical kind tends to hit her even harder, but she can always drown herself at the bottom of a bottle when things get to be a bit Too Much to deal with. Not the most healthy way of dealing with your problems, but hey. She's hardly the picture perfect symbol of healthy coping mechanisms.

[She snorts.]

Feeling nice is exactly what makes it so difficult to just disregard.

[Especially when you're her and not used to feeling nice in general.]

Yeah, ahaha... but still. As questionable as it might be... I don't think we need to deprive ourselves of it either.

[a long pause]

Why is that? How is it that you feel you're... deserving of that kind of thing when you've taken so much from others?

[It's not something Rey would be comfortable bringing up with most around here, particularly those who've never experienced war. Thus, given what she knows about LB, the question comes out easier. Maybe she's making assumptions about the other woman's past -- but judging from her nervous tics and mannerisms, Rey's pretty sure she isn't off the mark by much. She knows trauma when she sees it.]

Ahahaha... I guess I don't know if I actually deserve it, to be honest.

[And it is something that weighs on her mind pretty often, as much as she tries to push it back.]

But it... it helps other people, right? And I guess if nothing else, it's a better way to release some stress than other methods.

[Mainly in killing the shit out of people. She's trying to move away from that!]

That's...

[Rey pauses, mulling it over. Would be easier if it was over text, but in her pause she considers just how much of herself she had given for others. Not because of some need to become a better person, but to make up for all the things she had taken from them. For how much she had made their lives hell.

[Finally:] That's a... good reason.

[Progress?]

Ah, you think so?

[The surprise should be evident from her tone, but she is happy that Rey thought so. If she were perfectly honest, LB wondered if she was being a little selfish in letting herself indulge in some lacing, from time to time, but she at least felt a little validated now.]

But I guess it's something to consider at least, hahaha!

[It's a similar deal for Rey. She can't help but feel guilty, even if what she is doing is of benefit to others -- to this whole planet even, crazy as that sounds.]

Mn. Hadn't really thought of it like that, is all. But, it makes sense, in a way. Even if it still feels like they picked the wrong person for this kind of shit.

I'm not so certain I'm the best choice for it either, eheheh!

[Especially with one particular touch-based power of hers... but at least she learned she could control it. So she wouldn't have to kill people to get Chroma.]

But... I guess I have to deal with the cards given to me. All in all, I don't really mind it too much. I really do hope that it gets easier for you, though.

Been working on it, anyway. Hard to... connect with anyone, on that level. Or at least go further than -- what'd they used to call it? -- "second base", one time?

[sigh]

Work in progress.

I think it's fine if you move at your own pace, eheheh... most people aren't going to fault you for that. And if they do, uh... well, then they're probably not worth it anyway.

[She snorts a laugh of her own.]

Fair. Haven't run into any assholes who'd take issue with it, at least. Not that there's a long line of interested parties. [On that, she has only herself to blame.]

How, ah... How's it been for you? Sounds like you've taken to, since coming here.

I haven't been doing too bad, really. [At least after doing enough experimenting around to figure that she wouldn't kill anyone by accident - that much had to be done on purpose.] Though I've mostly been getting by with platonic moonlacing until, uh. Recently.

[And that much actually wasn't by choice - it was other people being more prudish than her. And she didn't want to push it!]

Eheheh... let's just say that dragon mating season really did a number on a lot of us.

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003✖; (audio @hot.damn)

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