text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

text; greenbean1

[wildsorcery]

I only... I only have two, and while one's hidden they're both, um, pretty big and worry people. I used to feel like... like I deserved them, then I hated them, but it's... getting better once I had people who accept all of me.

[doreimi]

Deserved them? What do you mean by that?

[wildsorcery]

I used to think I was a monster.

[doreimi]

Oh...

But something changed your mind, it sounds like?

[wildsorcery]

Yeah... I got out and I met new friends. Then I arrived here and I've been getting better about thinking like that. It's not always easy and the scars are kind of a reminder of how shitty things were, but they're growing on me as proof I survived instead.

[doreimi]

Did they come from...you know, someone else? Or just something that happened?

[wildsorcery]

[ It takes him a long time to type this. ]

One's from someone who tried to kill me. The other is from me trying to not be that monster.

[doreimi]

Oh.

Sorry, I — maybe I shouldn't have asked. I know that kind of thing isn't exactly easy to talk about.

[wildsorcery]

It's okay. I'm the one who talked about it. Sorry.

[doreimi]

You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault, or something to apologize for, anyway.

[wildsorcery]

I know. But still.

I hope this answered something for you, though.