text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

un: clearwater2000

[nojohnyouare]

Some people have seen mine. Difficult. But they haven't brought them up. As for how I feel... Unsure. I don't know what to think about what caused them, either. Maybe that's why.

text | un: druidic

[arrowroot]

Most of mine I feel are a part of me. Lessons learned the hard way, markers of my past and the struggles I've had.

There are two, though... both from the same incident. It's been years and I still get uncomfortable looking at them in a mirror, or letting more than a little bit of them show. I don't know if it's because they're so big, or because of what caused them.

text, un. angel

[schmisse]

It's not something I actively try to hide, but I do understand that it raises a lot of questions. The scars I have, no matter who may have seen them, aren't things friends ask about, though. I thought differently.

They're proof of who I am. I didn't like them at first, but I never hated myself for them.

text | un: konoha

[lumberlady]

sorry to hear of you 's trouble.

for i, is some time scary to remember how scars happen. but on normal day... is fine.

but i 's scar is most from work or animal attack. maybe is thinking different if cause is different.

text | un: tsukuyo

[tsukky]

I have 2 on my face that I couldn't hide even if I wanted to. I used to wonder if things would have been different for me if I didn't have them but now I've accepted them.

You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed.

Text; anon

[bolderfell]

[...Isn't this his boss? He didn't think someone like her would've ever... well, been hurt. Not like he was. But he's been proven wrong about that kind of thing over and over before.

Hmm.]

There are some I don't really care if people see. They don't mean anything. Whatever people assume about them is their own damn problem, and usually it works out in my favor, anyway. Only reason to keep them covered is to avoid drawing too much attention.

But there are others. Five, six years, and I still don't like to look at them myself.

Seems like it really depends on how you got them, doesn't it. On who or what hurt you, or what you were doing to put your skin on the line.

text; greenbean1

[wildsorcery]

I only... I only have two, and while one's hidden they're both, um, pretty big and worry people. I used to feel like... like I deserved them, then I hated them, but it's... getting better once I had people who accept all of me.

[suspecteverything]

That depends on a lot on you, mu tara, and the people around you. The right people will learn not to see the scars, which will help you notice them less over time. They will always be there, you will always be aware of them to some extent, and if there's pain behind how you received them that doesn't always fade much either. Physical damage heals much faster than mental damage. Unfortunately a lot of scars are inextricably linked with mental pain. That combination makes it all the worse.

Trust me. This is one thing I have significant experience in, particularly since I come from a culture that highly values pristine physical beauty.

Thanks to my wife, I don't view my scars as horribly as I used to. While I still keep them covered in public to avoid upsetting others, I've also come to accept that what I often initially view as disgust over them could actually be rooted in sympathy and pain for my hurts.

[doreimi]

Are they in kind of a visible place, your scars? Or can you cover them up pretty well?

[doreimi]

So there's something different about those two than about the others, then. Are they the biggest ones you have?

[doreimi]

Is it that your friends don't ask because they're too polite to, or something else?

I...hm. I guess mine are a little different. I don't want to think of them as being a part of who I am at all, even if I guess in a way they are.

[doreimi]

Yeah...I think the cause has a lot to do with it, probably.

Do you have a lot of them?

[doreimi]

I don't think ashamed is really the word for it, no. I guess maybe "uncomfortable" would be better?

Either way, I know for a fact that things would've been a lot different for me, without mine.

[doreimi]

Yeah...I think that's it exactly. Scars are more than just memories — they're proof of things that happened to you. So it depends a lot on what it was that happened, I think, that decides how you feel about the scars.

[doreimi]

Deserved them? What do you mean by that?

[doreimi]

I think that's part of it for me, too. What you said about how people react, I mean. And I know that it probably is sympathy, and I don't want to discount that, but...

I guess...when I got my scars, I sort of stopped being normal. And so now it's like I can't ever hope to be normal again, if they're there where people can see.

[nojohnyouare]

Easily covered. But people might ask if they saw. They haven't... Maybe they think it's personal business.

You said you cover yours. Difficult?

[bolderfell]

Looks like a lot of people are saying their scars are part of who they are. 'Proof' of what kind of person they've come to be.

For a long time, I tried to bury the fool who took those scars. I thought it was the only way to survive. Maybe that's why they still bother me. Even now, I still don't want to see myself like that - the way the person who gave them to me did.

[doreimi]

No, not really, I guess. It's only during Cordis that it gets kind of tough.

[doreimi]

Someone gave you yours, huh...

I'm guessing it's someone you can't forgive for it, either, right?

[bolderfell]

[The answer's a long time coming.]

Actually never really thought about it.

[doreimi]

Really? You never thought about it even once?

[nojohnyouare]

I see.

Sorry. That I don't have good advice. But your friends likely won't mind. The people here are nice. Most of them.

[bolderfell]

I should've seen it coming. That's what I told myself. It's what he told me, too.

I can't even fully disagree now.

[lumberlady]

if cause is scary or bad, i know can be painful to look. i is hoping you can feel less with time?

is growing amount. in i 's world only big scar is from wolf bite, but now has more from MAJESTAS time.