text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

[doreimi]

...I guess that's sort of what mine are, too. Punctures. Mine are on my back, though, and I don't think I could chalk it up to wasps.

I didn't get mine healed, either. I, um...y'know. Died from them.

[machizumo]

Oh.

[ Well, FUCK. ]

Sorry. That sucks.

[ Yeah, that's... great save. Great recovery. Good job, man. ]

[doreimi]

Yeah, it's pretty rotten! Being a ghost is really boring, there's no one to talk to or anything. I'd definitely recommend avoiding it.

That's what I am, by the way. A ghost! At your service.

[machizumo]

Well you're the most pleasant ghost I've ever dealt with if that helps anything. They're usually mega-creepy! Or just a pain in the ass!

Is that how it works here? Ghosts?

[doreimi]

Well, thank you very much! A lot of people assume that, you know. It gets pretty tiring to have somebody assume the worst about you just because you happen to be a ghost! You can be perfectly nice and pleasant and then as soon as they find that out, people act like you're going to try to hurt them or something! Honestly.

And it's more like that's how it works back home! ...Sort of. I don't actually know why I ended up a ghost, really, except that I had some stuff I still had to take care of before I could move on, so I just stayed around.

[machizumo]

I think 'unfinished business' is the usual shtick yeah. A lot of times it's revenge or longing so maybe that's why you get that cold air and the chill down your spine and the low whispers.

I guess happy people don't typically avoid the reaper when she comes for em.

[doreimi]

...Wait, she? There's an actual grim reaper AND it's a girl?

[machizumo]

Yeah! Botan!

I mean I think there are others too but I never met em. I don't know if it's my region or what.
There's like a whole bureaucratic system for this shit apparently.

[doreimi]

Oh! What a cute name! Well, if a girl shows up to take me to heaven when I get back home, I'll definitely make sure to ask if that's her name!

...A bureaucracy? You mean...wait, so I'm not going to just...go to heaven? I have to wait in a line or something?

[machizumo]

If it helps, she's really bubbly with a blue ponytail and a pink kimono. And a big oar.

The rest... I don't really know how it works. Koenma complains that he has paperwork waiting practically every time I've seen him. I don't know if people gotta wait but there's some kind of process.

[doreimi]

...What about hell, then? That one, you must just go straight there, right?

[machizumo]

I think you get funneled through the same place. You go to Spirit World and then they figure out which direction to send you in.

Maybe they figure it out beforehand though and you go straight to wherever. I had a friend who died and they apparently knew he wasn't supposed to die just then.

Kinda freaky that they're keeping track of that actually. How the hell's that work??

[doreimi]

...Oh. Oh, I don't like that thought at all, the idea that there's a point when you're "supposed" to die and somebody else already knows it...

Oooh, that gives me the creeps! What a terrible thing to have to live with.

[machizumo]

Yeah I don't know how that works. I mean they aren't out here telling everybody their life spans but like

They sent us to do a lot of really dangerous shit! High stakes stuff! How's that factor into everything?!?!

[doreimi]

Wait, so you work for the heaven bureaucracy? Are you like an angel or something?

...An angel who has gym class??

[machizumo]

Haha no. I'm just Kuwabara.

That friend who died at the wrong time, Urameshi, got brought back to life. In return he had to work for em. Spirit Detective.

I just figured I'd help him out.

[doreimi]

A spirit detective, huh...what a really neat idea! Like a guy whose job it is just to investigate ghosts and stuff? Boy, I wish you guys had been around all those years I was waiting for somebody to find me!! I could've used a detective right about then.

Hey, you know who'd be really interested in those stories, I bet? A friend of mine draws manga and it's about detectives and the supernatural, too. I bet he'd really like to talk to you, if you're up for it!

[machizumo]

Oh I might've already talked to him. Unless there's more than one manga guy.

They guy with all the cat pictures!

[doreimi]

Oh, gosh, he showed you pictures of the cats? Haha, yeah, that's him, all right! Small world, huh?

[machizumo]

Pics were available on request and I requested and now I have to visit these cats.

[doreimi]

Well, if you need directions, I can give them to you pretty easily! Since I own the cafe he was talking about, and all.

[machizumo]

Oh very cool!

Yeah when I get a spare couple of hugs or whatever I'm gonna come and check it out! I didn't get to bring my cat so somebody's gotta get the scritches I got on deck.