text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

[suspecteverything]

That's what most people are thinking about when the world as they knew it ends. Something that in hindsight sounds ridiculous and mundane. It's what makes it so painful.

You won't. Not for a while. It takes years, if it happens at all. From personal experience though, there is a way back to seeing those "silly and normal" moments again. Maybe not quite the same way and not all the time, because those bad experiences will keep rearing their ugly heads even once they're mostly under control, but you will be able to live again. In fact, your experience may even let you appreciate all the small things you took for granted before. The things that nobody sees as anything special until they're ripped away and lost.

[doreimi]

That's the part I hate the most, you know. That I can't just get rid of that monster forever. So long as I've got these scars, he's a part of me forever, now.

[suspecteverything]

No, he's not. Not unless you choose to make him a part of you. Yes, they might always partly remind you of him, but that doesn't have to be the only thing they remind you of. They can be a visual reminder to live your life without regrets and that you have the strength to get past even what was meant to destroy you.

As much as I hate to say it, they can also remind you not to be as trusting. It's a nasty lesson that a lot of us learn, and it's not one you soon forget.

He might have taken your first life, but he certainly doesn't deserve to take your happiness. Don't let him.

[doreimi]

Trust didn't have a whole lot to do with what happened to me. What he did...that was on him. I didn't have anything to do with it.

It's mostly just that I'm mad I'll never know about that first life, you know? How it would've gone. What it would've been. Sure, I have this one, but it's not quite the same.

[suspecteverything]

People start new lives all the time, even without being killed. Usually it's not a choice either. Trying to think about what might have been if this or that hadn't happened, it's not worth it. All that will get you is pain.