text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

text; un: pewpewsp;

[grilletto]

first i wanna say
i'm so fucking proud of you for being able to talk about this
this is good
so good
like you're good

i never really thought about scars much when i had them i guess
i'd have a ton if it weren't for giorno
there was one that's gone that i'm kind of sad about
but only because it was closed with staples and some tape
it felt pretty badass

[doreimi]

Haha, I'm doing my best! It's kind of nervewracking, but...I mean, let's be honest, you guys would've known it was me in an instant, right?

...Staples and tape? You mean like getting stitches?

[grilletto]

yeah probably
most of us anyway

not like stitches though
more like
just a stapler and package tape
i was worried it was gonna get an infection or something at first
but then when i looked at it i thought it was pretty cool

[doreimi]

...

You just...stapled yourself back together?? You just got a stapler and...and...

Didn't that HURT???

[grilletto]

nah, it wasn't me that did it
it was some of the other guys
if i'm gonna be honest it was shocking or something
not any worse than taking the bullet though

[doreimi]

You had to staple together a BULLET WOUND?? from when you GOT SHOT?????

[grilletto]

yeah
it's not like we had anything else
i could show you where it was the next time i see you

[doreimi]

...

I'd like that, but you don't need to come up with an excuse to take your shirt off around me. You can just do it. Trust me, I won't mind.

[grilletto]

hey i know i don't need an excuse
i'll take it off any time you want me to
it would've been on my stomach so either way
you know i'm good for it

[doreimi]

Haha, I figured as much! You wouldn't have offered to show me if it'd been anywhere embarrassing, so that kind of narrowed it down.

You guys really had to make some crazy choices back in Italy, though, huh?

[grilletto]

well i guess if i'm being honest
if it were somewhere embarrassing i'd probably still show you if you asked
maybe
i mean only if you asked
because i'm not gonna assume you wanna see everything

but when things go crazy, you have to be able to improvise
sometimes that included a stapler and some tape

[doreimi]

Well, you've seen my scars before anyway, so it's only fair that I get to see yours too. Looks like the shirt will just have to go!

It's plenty hot enough for it, anyway. I'm so mad that I can't wear all the cute light shirts that the other girls are wearing without my back showing.

[grilletto]

yeah it'll have to go
you won't see anything left though
i hope that's not a dealbreaker or anything for you

and i know it's not the same
but if you ever have anything you wanna wear
and you're not comfortable you can always come over
we can hang out on the balcony or something