text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

[jaganshi]

I don't have any scars I would call trauma scars. [ Not physically, anyway... ] So take that for what you will. I am maybe not the best to speak on that. I do know a woman who has scars like that and she is proud of them in the way I am of mine.

She isn't here to ask her, though.

It's the mark that the deepest hellfire in demon world has accepted me as its wielder, in its own way.

The first time I attempted it, it injured that same arm so badly I thought it might be permanently useless, if not permanently weaker than my left.

[doreimi]

["The deepest hellfire in demon world has accepted me as its wielder" is the most chuuni thing she has heard in at least seventeen years, holy shit.]

She's proud of them, huh...? Mm. I kind of wish she was here, then. I'd definitely like to hear the perspective of someone like that.

What were you doing with the fire, sticking your arm in it?

[jaganshi]

If Mukuro ever appears here I'll direct her your way.

Though as a former king she can be... capricious, sometimes.

Channeling it in a fight, actually. That first time, it took my right arm as a price. It was later healed, and considering the tournament... it was needed again. And, anyway, it isn't my first time taking on another presence that doesn't necessarily want to be tamed.

[doreimi]

...Sorry, her name is "Corpse"? That's pretty morbid, no offense...what kind of awful parent would name a girl something like that?

Mm. Sounds like the sort of thing my friends would do, actually. They're so reckless sometimes! But they're real heroes, too.

[jaganshi]

We're demons. Things like that don't really factor. Who knows if that's even the name she was given or one she gave herself. I never asked.

Heroes, hm? Or lucky fools, like Urameshi?

[doreimi]

...Wait a minute, I just heard that name.

Urameshi? Is he a, um...

Oh, what was it. Spirit Detective?

[jaganshi]

Yes.

Kurama or Kuwabara?

[doreimi]

Um, Kuwabara. I don't think I know anybody named Kurama...

I'm guessing they're friends of yours, huh?

[jaganshi]

Friends I would use loosely. [ Lyin' ass - ]

I was put on the 'Team' in the course of my probation.

[doreimi]

Probation? You mean like criminal probation or like...drinking too much, or something?

[jaganshi]

Criminal.

A couple accomplices and I stole from Koenma's vault and I was pulled up for it. I was lucky to end up on probation, but it still pisses me off.

[doreimi]

Wait, he mentioned someone named Koenma, too. That's the guy who runs the heaven bureaucracy, or whatever.

You stole from Heaven???

[jaganshi]

I stole from the Spirit World.

If you'd like to call it Heaven, then it's Heaven.

I wouldn't choose it, but by the time I'm centuries old I doubt it will matter.