text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

[getting_better]

I'm sorry yours trouble you so, I know how disheartening it feels to look at them but I am told that they do fade along with the feelings you have attached to them.

I don't know if that's true, personally I've never experienced it but I know a lot of veterans who have nasty scars that faded well into nothingness, and I like to believe that it's because they changed for the better.

Though I also imagine it didn't happen over night.

[doreimi]

That's the problem with my feelings, sometimes. They never fade. Mine were strong enough to keep me around long after I was supposed to stay, just because I wouldn't let go of them.

But that's not the point, really.

I just don't like the memory, you know? The way that I got them is the only thing that a lot of people remember about me anymore, and I hate that. I don't want to be remembered just for something that a terrible person did.

[getting_better]

I see. That is terrible, I'm sorry. It's the usual sympathetic reaction people give towards scars, can't really fault them for that, but it doesn't make things any better either. It's also hard to convey that to people sometimes since it comes across like you're scolding them because they saw it or commented on it, when you'd rather they just understand.