text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

[doreimi]

...You know, that's actually a really good way of putting it? Like they put a flag on it and claimed it for themselves. Like there's still something of you that belongs to them, just because they took it.

Was it someone you knew? The person who did it to you, I mean. Did you know him before he did it?

[hierophany]

I did. I want to say it's complicated, but it really isn't. He's a horrible person, I was an idiot who eventually saw sense, we were trying to kill each other. I don't really resent him hurting me. I would have killed him if he didn't.

The thing is, I know he didn't hurt me. 'Hurt' requires that you see what you're hurting as a person. He broke a thing. A thing he thought was always his to break.