video | un: zeppeli

[casaposa]

[Somehow it all comes down to ole Sougo Okita being a bastard and the offer today is courtesy of Caesar hearing one too many times that his food is shit. Screw you, Sougo. His food's fine and he's going to get validation in the most roundabout way possible. Not that he needs it, but damn.]

We're offering free snacks if you visit the Roman Holiday today. It's a bath house, if you're unaware of it.

[There's a pause while he places a cigarette between his lips and raises the camera to show this fine establishment from the outside. Incredible. ]

That's all. Ciao.

[CHARMING.]

Comments

Text || UN: hijikata

[mayoninofukucho]

Save some for me. I'll come by after work.

un: zeppeli

[casaposa]

Sure.
Are you coming at your usual time?

[mayoninofukucho]

If nothing unexpected comes up over here, yes.

[And he'll bring his mayonnaise, Caesar. Are you ready for that?]

[casaposa]

[Absolutely NOT. He's gonna lose his mind.]

Good.
See you then.

[mayoninofukucho]

[Several hours later he turns up at the Roman Holiday, still in his Moon Knight uniform, and lifts a hand as he sees Caesar.]

I take it you had good success with the snacks! I just checked your post again, and it sure got many replies.

[He looks around... are the treats of offer here at the reception, or inside the bath? Honestly, chances are Caesar ran out already. Hijikata won't hold it against him.]

[casaposa]

Many enjoy free food, it seems.

[The beautiful women who answered were the best part of that discussion and he's already met a few today. This, in fact, was a great idea, even if it was an evil man that prompted it.

He motions over towards one of the tables-it's got scattered bits and pieces of crostini, taralli, meatballs in a tomato sauce and a cookie.]

Go ahead and take what you want.

[mayoninofukucho]

[Good going, Caesar!! But really, who doesn't like free food? Hijikata sure does, too.]

Thanks! Let's see here...

[He wanders along the table and fills his plate, then takes out his personal bottle of mayonnaise and squirts it all over the homemade Italian food. Now it's ready to eat!]

1/???????

[casaposa]

[Okay.]

[casaposa]

[OKAY.

He squints at the display. Squints at the the abomination in front of his eyes, like he isn't really seeing this.

Is he even awake??

It's a dream, probably. An actual nightmare, maybe. Because there's no way Hijikata came here with that gigantic thing of mayo and dishonored hundreds of years of Zeppeli ancestors by doing this.]

[casaposa]

[He strides closer to the man, arms crossed over his chest, and stares.

Because unfortunately he is awake.

And this is mayonnaise.

This is mayonnaise all over the food. A fucking cascading, torrential flood of white goop covering secret family recipes and seasoning and you know what-]

END

[casaposa]

[His hand darts beside him to grasp the fabric of Hijikata's shirt in his hands. He may or may not be preparing to punch him.]

What the hell are you doing?

RIP Caesar

[mayoninofukucho]

[That's right, Hijikata came into Caesar's bathhouse (well, the bathhouse where he works), on the day of his free snacks offering, and desecrated his food. He, of course, is completely remorseless and accordingly confused.]

What do you mean?

[He looks at his plate, then back at Caesar. Did he take too much? He picks up a mayo-laden tarallo and holds it out to him.]

Here.

[casaposa]

[This is offensive to both his senses and his ancestry. The fuck Hijikata?

Caesar slides the edge of his palm against the plate, as if the mere sight of the abomination offends him and clutches the fabric of his shirt tighter.]

Is this a joke? You can't possibly eat it that way.

[mayoninofukucho]

How else am I supposed to eat it? Dry? No way. And don't talk to me about ketchup! Mayonnaise is the superior condiment.

[He maintains eye contact with Caesar as he stuffs the tarallo into his mouth, chews and swallows, ignoring the fact that he's being held by the collar.]

Mmm. Delicious! These are good alright.