text; un: anonymous;

[grilletto]

okay so i have some questions for the general public
which is you guys

first: if you sent someone to jail on their birthday but they probably forgave you should you be worried that they or a family member is gonna
i don't know
come after you
or something like that
not that it happened
but hypothetically i guess

second: anyone have any thoughts on being called "puppy"?
is it a compliment?
an insult?
i kind of need some outside opinions here

uhhh
yeah that's it
thanks

[ all replies will be anonymous unless stated otherwise ]

Comments

[roseblooms]

A bit of a narrow interpretation, though, isn't it? I've no objection to exclusive monogamy, but I wouldn't hold it up as the only possible form of attachment. Sometimes different arrangements simply suit better.

Besides, are you really a homewrecker if the other party encouraged and solicited your interest? That sounds to me as though, if any home were wrecked, they did it from inside the figurative house, themselves.

[grilletto]

what do you mean different arrangements?
because that just sounds like friends with benefits or something
and it kind of seems to me if someone is living together and says their together is off limits

my friend was married for a little bit but he lost him
so that kind of stuff is straightforward

anyway it doesn’t matter i guess
not when the initiation was or is weird
or that it happened at all
just because someone makes a move doesn’t mean you have to
and i had control before or a least a little of it and now
it’s kind of just like you want to kiss? yeah okay let’s kiss
but me getting a kiss or attention or something
ultimately it’s not as important as someone i care about being happy

i didn’t mean to unload or anything
sorry about that

[roseblooms]

Well, for example. There's one person here that I consider to be..."mine", on a particular level. We go back a long way, and we share a rather distinct attachment to each other. I have every confidence that anytime I were to seek intimacy with this person, I would be given it, and it would be mutually satisfying.

I'm also aware that this person has had partners other than me. This person is under no obligation to tell me about them or ask my permission to be intimate with them; quite frankly, permission isn't mine to give, to begin with. The commitment I want from this particular person isn't inherently a sexual one, so I don't feel threatened by the prospect of this person having partners other than me. What I want from this person is exclusivity in one highly specific way, and I have it. If this person were to betray that commitment, I would certainly feel scorned, and hurt, and angry.

We live together, and to the degree that I've described, we're committed to each other. But in this circumstance, I wouldn't call either of us strictly "off-limits" — save for in that one particular way.

[grilletto]

oh
that sounds weirdly complicated
and also not

maybe that works for you guys
but people would have to know what’s up otherwise they will think it’s off-limits right?

i probably shouldn’t get attached to anyone anyway
not here
save everyone a lot of grief

[roseblooms]

"Weirdly complicated" is an apt descriptor of our lives, so I suppose it's only natural that would carry over into our relationships.

Regardless. It sounds as though you're in the market for something exclusive, so let me ask you this: what part of it, exactly, do you feel needs to be exclusive? What's the thing you want to keep to yourself and share with no one else?

[grilletto]

huh? not really
i’m not really trying to get into anything
it’s just
look i don’t really know how to explain it
back home i didn’t have a lot of time for dating or relationships or anything
and then here that’s the focus
and i kind of want that but also kind of don’t

i’m a little stuck still just trying to figure out what i want
or even what i like
maybe someday i’ll have something like you see in the movies

if it were something to happen i’d be okay with it
but i’m not looking for it if that makes sense
i’d want something where they don’t freak out if i’m a little overprotective
and something that makes them feel special
and me too
without it just being like...another fling or something

[roseblooms]

I see. And I understand where you're coming from, of course.

What about the other person? What do you imagine them being like?

[grilletto]

i don’t think i’ve really thought that much about it
really what’s important is that they’re a good person?
not like 100% good but you know
honest and sweet
good with kissing and maybe other stuff but kissing first
someone who would be okay calling me on my bullshit or whatever
like not afraid to tell me i’m wrong or out of control or something
someone i’d be okay dying for maybe
i don’t know

[roseblooms]

Is that your criteria to love someone?

Considering them worth dying for?

[grilletto]

well not just that
like some of the other stuff up there
maybe some other things that i haven't done or felt yet
but kind of
yeah that's part of it

[roseblooms]

"Live for them, instead. If they love you, they wouldn't want to see you die, regardless of whether it was for them or not." A human told me that once. Not in so many words, but — still, I've never forgotten it.

I think I understand, though. The type of person you'd like to find.

[grilletto]

well living would be preferable if i'm being honest
but if it meant that someone i cared about was safe i wouldn't think twice about it

you do, though?
like...you mean you just get it or do you know that feeling?
i don't want to really pry or anything

and maybe i guess i just never really thought about it this much
it's more been man this sucks everyone else has something or someone
and usually i talk to a friend about this kind of stuff
but i don't want to bother him since he's still kind of dealing with things
i didn't think talking to a stranger would be this
i don't know, useful i guess?

[roseblooms]

Oh, I've met someone like that. Almost to a tee, really — perhaps not quite honest and not altogether sweet, but good. Noble. The sort of person who believes in people whose sins don't warrant even a fraction of such faith. The sort of person who speaks their mind, and holds to their convictions, and makes the people around them better just for having known them.

And I've also met the person who the person I'm describing is going to marry, almost beyond a shadow of a doubt. So.

[grilletto]

huh wild
that's pretty cool
i think if we're talking about sins and whether they deserve this level of loyalty that's probably more situational
you know? so if you can see something there
something that tells you who they are at the core or whatever
then that's what matters
i don't always think it's what someone's done in the past if that makes sense?
it matters what they do with the present, yeah?

[roseblooms]

I'd like to believe so. There is, after all, no changing the past — only moving forward into the future.

Still, perhaps some things are too egregious to ever be forgiven. I wouldn't know.

[grilletto]

yeah that's true
hey
thanks by the way
you don't even know me and you still let me keep talking
you didn't have to do that
you could have blocked me or something

[roseblooms]

Consider it paying a favor forward, really. I'm no stranger to the notion of...simply wanting someone to talk to.

[grilletto]

yeah i get that too
i mean obviously
i'd tell you that you could talk to me whenever you want
but then i'd have to tell you who i am
which i can do just privately
i've already been called out once and so far i haven't made any mistakes this time by logging in