prismatica | Text - Anonymous

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Text - Anonymous

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.

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Shut up!!!!

I really wish it was that way for me.

But, actually, I do feel a bit better having actually talked about it. Even if it did have to be anon.

y?

ur the one tellin very specific stories n cmon u didnt have to omit the part where i didnt kno u guys couldnt back outta the pageant

i still dont think u shoulda pushed partner and kanji in w me either they didnt deserve it

ALSO trust me im NOT the reason teddie is the way he is im honestly not sure how it happened its weird??? so dont go tellin ppl its my fault when u dont know the whole story dude

I forgot about that part ok it's been months mostly I just remembered feeling like a side of beef and not in a good way that's why we pushed them at the stream the way all u boys were all looking at us made us feel bad not just u.

Look u knew Teddie before me and u still spend the most time with him and I guess I just assumed it was ur fault because ur always the one who gets weird about girls.

dude partners got the best poker face i doubt he was look at u like that!! but ok ok im sry prolly shoulda said that alot earlier anyways

i mean... ok ya i guess i can see how but i rly didnt do anything! he reads like... tons of shoujo and watches romcoms w mom all the time so idk where else he coulda got all that--

(￣ヘ￣)

im not WEIRD! i just... look i didnt kno how to act ok but im tryin! u dont need 2 tell random ppl about stupid stuff i did almost a yr ago

I see...

He sounds like someone who hasn't had to face the consequences of his actions, and there's no one who is willing to stand up to him-

Or is able to.

I'm sorry you've had to bear that, though. I can see why it'd make you feel like a place like this would be difficult to be in.

They aren't a random person they're one of the few people I've met here who feels weird and awkward a lot here too ok ok u don't know what it's like for me ok ok trust me u don't.

Edited 2019-08-23 03:47 (UTC)

You could always go there with a mask on or a fake identity...but I understand.

The more Shido talked about the great nation of Japan, the worst it seemed to be at times.

Everyone who's tried has turned into another victim.

Can you also see why I'm afraid of what might happen if I actually embrace my sex drive?

I can, but I also don't think you have much to worry about.

You're aware of the evil of your father's actions, and that will make you less likely to be that way.

That's a good thing, isn't it?

[There's a bit of a lull and maybe Chie thinks he just dropped the convo. But then:]

"i guess maybe it helps no one would want me"

u rly think i dont know how that feels?

[He switches the chat to private at this point and he drops the text speak.]

It's what my Shadow talked about, actually. That and some other stuff, but that was part of it. And I know my... weirdness and stuff means you think I'm actually all for this place but I'm NOT. It's... it's weird. It's really weird and awkward. I've hooked up with a couple people but it's not like we're dating and like that makes me feel like a sleezeball even though I know the others were okay with it and have these open relationships but like...

Well, yeah. So, I get it. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like you were alone in this or something.

It is, it just makes it hard to...I guess to trust myself.

I've seen a lot of scum in important positions in Japan. There are a lot of things that should just be burned to the ground and replaced outright. The one thing he was right about is that the country is a fucking disaster, even if all he's ever done is make it worse.

You can't fix it by burning it to the ground either.

It might not be a perfect system, but Sae asked me to believe in it...and people can change. Did I tell you that she quit her job to become a defence attorney?

[Yeah, she's dropping the anon now. He knows it's her anyway. And maybe she'll make some more visible effort at not doing so many run-on sentences and not shortening the word 'you.']

Oh.

It really is weird and awkward and I don't know how people do it, Yosuke, I don't know how anyone here just hooks up with people, especially strangers. I've only been with Souji and Hifumi and I've been in love with Souji for most of a YEAR and even with Hifumi I'd been good friends since I got here. We ended up finding each other when we were lost on the moon and we got picked up by the Prismals together and she's just been really important to me. And I still didn't kiss her until she turned into a really pretty dragon.

But then you hear about other people having crazy moons where they're just banging everyone they meet and they don't seem to have the problem and then you have to wonder if maybe you're the big prudish weirdo.

And sometimes I worry that Souji is going to... I dunno. Find people who're better than me. And spend more time with them. And I'll be lonely and left behind. I know he likes me back but there are a lot of really Special people here.

And we both know I'm not.

You hadn't. I guess she got sick of working in a position where she was expected to push for conviction even if it meant twisting the evidence.

Hey, don't talk like that.

You're special, and I'm NOT just saying that, okay?

But... yeah, I don't even have a girlfriend or anything to fall back on. It just... sort of happened and I mean, it was fun at the time. Obviously, no bones about that. But now that I'm really thinking about it, I just feel weird about it. Then yeah, I feel like some prudish weirdo. Especially because doing the whole PDA thing is already a bit too much for me. Just casually having sex? I don't know either.

But I can say this, Partner wouldn't just leave you. Not like that, anyway. He's with you because he likes you too, Chie. That much is obvious. But he is being a lot more uh... open about this than I expected and maybe it's something you should talk to him about since you're worried? I'd like to think I know him well enough to help you but even that threw me off guard. I can try and talk to him about it too, though. The whole... sleeping with other people a lot, if you want?

I don't know how people do it either, Chie. I'm not sure how I did it, aside from just... going with it, I guess. But now I feel odd about it since I've always just really wanted a relationship, you know? Not just a hook-up. But this place just makes everything all screwy and out of whack.

Have you spoken to the people you care for, about this?

If you feel this way, then it's likely they'll be the first to stop you if they find you behaving in a way you'd be upset by.

But I have a feeling you won't. So just keep strong, and don't be afraid, okay?

I talked to my first partner about it, before I even told him how I felt about him. He noticed how teasing me about how charming I can be and how easy it would make generating Chroma made me uncomfortable.

He did tell me he'd step in if he ever saw me crossing a line, but he's not always there.

Does he need to be, though? You've got enough awareness to know what not to do.

It wouldn't be fair to blame another person for something you could control, knowing that, right?

Maybe I am, but if I am it's not in a good way, like any of the other girls. It's because I'm a giant tomboy freak who isn't even cute.

When we talked about this stuff right before we did it, he said that he didn't date me when I first confessed back home because he wanted to be with all us girls and it wouldn't be fair to any of us? But I guess something changed since then. Besides him forgetting Marie.

Also I dunno if you've noticed but some of the people here were somewhere else that they wanted you to have sex all the time before they got here, only they were a lot more heavy-handed there. Like there's someone even talking about it in the anonymous post. And based on how he's been here + forgetting Marie I am PRETTY SURE that the something that changed was that Souji was probably one of them. He'd definitely had sex with people before me.

Edited 2019-08-23 04:38 (UTC)

So...you think I need to try trusting myself, instead of repressing because there's nobody else around to tell me I need to stop?

I think you're capable of more than you think- but while it's okay to rely on the people you care for, and you should- don't ever stop that-

You should believe in your own strength too. Because in the end, the only one who has any power over you is... you.

Does it hold you back at all? It can be frustrating, but... I'm trying to work as hard as I can to show I'm worth more than that! So, maybe that could work for you, too? They may only see the way you look at first, but then you can just impress their socks off with how amazing you are?

That can be tough... but if you have people around you that you don't feel you have to pretend with, that can be a big help.

Maybe you can use that to your advantage, though? Like you've seen what they're like, and you know you don't like it, so now you have a good example of how not to be. And if you feel yourself tipping too far, you or someone you trust can always pull you back.

For the record, though, I don't think having something in common with someone who's awful doesn't have to mean anything. As long as that thing isn't something bad, of course.

I actually originally got media exposure for my skills, but once I started doing interviews and shit, people went crazy about my looks. Now I can't even do work in public without people pestering me to gush or ask for a date. About the only good thing I get out of it is people being willing to let me bend the rules on paperwork, or fast track my requests.

In the case of the asshole I keep comparing myself to, we're related, so I do have reason to worry about what else we might have in common that I just can't see.

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