Text - Anonymous

[foolishjustice]

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.

Comments

[hagrides]

As a constant traveler, culture shock is no longer much of an issue for me, though it did take some time to get used to the overwhelmingly human population here.

[Hardly any bugs at all.]

Often, there's nothing that can really be done except to wait. Time has a way of helping adjust to even the most extreme situations.

[foolishjustice]

Great. Any idea how to at least avoid uninstalling the communications apps and becoming a fucking shut-in until I get used to sex shit being everywhere?

I see people I know talking about it, and end up feeling like a creep who shouldn't be anywhere fucking near them because my mind went to the gutter. Except sometimes when my damn moon's up, but then I feel like shit later for the things I thought about them without making myself stop.

text || un: bluehendeslicht

[vielerfolg]

maybe you're over-thinking it? you can't change people if they're a certain way, but no one's asking you to engage with all that either. I've had no problem avoiding anything I don't want to engage with here.

[foolishjustice]

I don't want to make the people here change, they seem to be honestly enjoying themselves and it's not really hurting anyone. The problem is me. I can't keep my own damn mind out of the gutter, and then I get pissed off at myself over it.

un: 1stQadrMargaFan

[wearingguess]

Is there not anyone here you want to date?

[foolishjustice]

I'm in multiple relationships, that's not the problem.

The problem is, there are people I find attractive that I don't want to date.

...Well, okay, it's not completely not the problem. I do still worry about people judging me for fucking people I haven't been in an extended relationship with.

ALSO ANONYMOUS

[highsteaks]

No I get it too it's really weird and I feel super awkward sometimes???

It reminds me of when me and my friends got accidentally drunk and we played this party game and my best friend and this really cute girl we hung out with were draping themselves on the boy we all liked and I was just hanging back like an awkward weirdo.

[foolishjustice]

Part of my motivation to never fucking touch alcohol, honestly.

With how hard I have to fight to keep my mind clean, who knows what kind of filthy shit I'd say or do while drunk. I don't think I'd ever be able to show my face in public again.

text (sn: oceanqueen)

[freshtilapia]

While I could tell you to just lighten up, I think maybe you could use some time relaxing somewhere to... you know... acclimate yourself? But also, maybe a lot of people here are just having an easier time getting used to this place.

I got in a lot of trouble for being promiscuous in my world. So coming to this world, I was surprised they were encouraging about it. But I’m still keeping everything behind closed doors.

And for the record, Level 3 isn’t that filthy.

[foolishjustice]

I've been to some areas of Level 3 that were fine, but a festival in a fucking red light district? The only way I could enjoy it was by doing my damn best to tune out the scenery.

What do you mean by relaxing to acclimate myself, though? You mean something like trying to relax somewhere I'd get shit for even thinking of going back home?

text (sn: notahero)

[sympathyforadevil]

Maybe I'm just weird because I was always taught that sex is just... sex. It's fun, it's a great way to blow off steam or pass time with a friend or whatever. As long as everybody's on board with what's going down and you're not actually causing anyone lasting harm, then it's not like it matters too much.

You were taught differently and that's probably not a bad thing. You do you, find someone who's willing to stick to what you're comfortable with. If they're not willing to respect your boundaries, they're not worth your time.

[foolishjustice]

It's not really about my partners, it's about me.

I'm polyamorous, and my partners don't give a shit what I do with other people. I also have a high sex drive, so there are people I'm on friendly terms with that I end up having dirty thoughts or dreams about. Then I feel like shit, because I was taught that wanting sex outside of a romantic relationship makes you a gross creep and that anyone who isn't also a gross creep would want nothing to do with it.

text;

[ringlette]

It was not too difficult for me to adapt, due to my belief that love is universal and it takes so many forms which I would wholly embrace. In that respect, I am glad that I landed in such a world where people have enough freedom to express their own sexuality however they please.

There is also free agency to never interact with any of those elements, too. You are not forced to feed yourself Chroma beyond hand holding. I understand the culture shock you are going through, but I do hope it's not going to be detrimental for your emotional stability.

[foolishjustice]

Just holding hands is actually a lot where I'm from. We're taught to never touch anyone except our lover and maybe our closest friends, unless we actually have to.

But the ability to not interact with those elements is why it would be a lot easier if I really was reserved or uninterested. I keep being tempted by it and then feeling like an asshole.

text;

[dereban]

To be honest, 'adapting it' is just being myself. I'm from a place that does the same - physical affection is just not common back home, even myself or my friends do it sometimes.

It's definitely a huge form of 'culture shock' even if I'm personally aware that other countries back home do a lot of physical affection.

In the end, adapting to that sort of thing was more or less 'act the way you want to' over 'what society wants you to act'. Do what you want to do rather than just copying what everyone else is doing. It's not like anybody's trying to shove it down your throat. Although if they are handing out weird shit, you probably should tell them (politely or otherwise) that's not the kind of crap you're into. Or just don't take them.

[foolishjustice]

Acting the way I want to instead of the way society wants me to is...something I'm not very good at. I had to do a lot of going along with what was expected just to fucking get by, since I got no end of shit for sticking out.

Maybe I need to work harder on unlearning that. It's made me pretty damn miserable in other ways, too.

text: un; nyerd

[pidgeypidge]

1. There's nothing wrong with you for having thoughts about people you're not romantically involved with. I'm pretty sure we've all had a case of gutter mind. If you were going around jumping everyone you're having those thoughts about, that would make you a creep. Having them does not.

Compared to other places I've been, this one seems kind of tame. Aside from, y'know, the Prismals being single-minded about what they want us to do. Nobody's being manipulated or threatened into do it, unless you count Iris' unfortunate little side effect. But I'm pretty on the fence about that, considering it's less manipulation and more like a natural occurrence in the animal kingdom (albeit an amplified one).

2. I mean. None of us are being forced to interact with the network. Maybe don't look at every single post. Or filter out posts by people you're not friends with. I don't know. There's probably an easy way to do that.

3. Maybe try talking to your friends and whoever else. Don't necessarily go into explicit detail if you're not comfortable being that honest, but maybe try to explain the situation and request they tone it down a bit, at least at first. If they're not willing to even do that much, then it might be time to ask yourself if you really want to surround yourself with people who can't even take a moment to consider the fact that you're uncomfortable.

Private

[foolishjustice]

[...He takes a moment to consider, then logs in and opens a private message.]

What do you mean by manipulated or threatened? If you're comfortable talking about it, anyway.

The first point is more my problem. I have those thoughts even without seeing people talking about suggestive things, it's just harder not to when I see someone I'm already attracted to doing or saying something sexual.

Also, um...I hope you don't mind my language up there. It was easier to get this out by shoving my entire filter aside.

text (un: strawberryshortcake)

[lifehacker]

i'm an extreme outlier and should not be counted
my horny ass is so far off the scale i've ascended into galaxy brain standards
i'm not normal even for like, the US, where i'm from
but i'm like, white dude raised on video games, violence and anime
so a parody of that
while also being true to the actual like, people out there

basically just do you
but get off my dick when i'm out here doin my thing

[foolishjustice]

As long as you're not hurting anyone, I don't actually care.

I don't get the appeal of fucking someone who probably doesn't give a shit what you're getting out of it, but all I really care about is that nobody's being taken advantage of.

Which is actually another bit of culture shock, but one I'm having an easier time with. Sex work back home is exploitative as hell.

text (un: otacon)

[codecmoment]

I understand what you mean.

You're not wrong with how you feel or think. Absolutely not. It's not for everyone, and people come in all ranges and orientations. A close friend of mine is asexual - meaning they simply don't have sexual feelings or attraction at all. And yet, they're here.

The thing is, we were brought here against our will, and the Prismals and all the locals are kind and giving to us because they want the Chroma we generate via touching each other - and the bigger and more intense the touch, the better. We're their batteries, so if sex is how we give them the most efficient, effective and largest quantity, they'll push us to do it.

This is not your fault. It's nobody's fault. And you do not have to change or anything. Hook-up apps and websites exist for folks who are a bit more open and willing. There's a sex positive movement where I'm from, but culturally the entire world is different. On an individual level, people's comforts are different.

I don't like how people are pushed to act like this, though. The changes make them act differently. I was abused as a teenager, so I take it really seriously when I see younger folks (especially teens) who are Moonblessed. It feels predatory at times.

[foolishjustice]

I might be lucky, since my Moonblessing just brings out traits that are already there.

I just worry about my impulse control, since I feel more like going along with my own desires.

But the point is, I've never really felt pushed into anything, just...tempted. And it's the fact that seeing people I know talking about sex shit leads to mental images that bothers me.

It's a problem with my own libido, or at least how I think of it.

Text, un: notsopreparedhitchhiker

[tookashirototheknee]

Culture shock is a bitch, especially when you go from 'oh, different kinds of humans on Earth have different views on sex' to 'this is a fucking alien species that might not even be carbon-based, and sex is just something they do on Friday nights with whoever they see'.

... ok, I exaggerate. But in all seriousness, it is hard to try to see things the way an entirely different culture sees them, especially if it's so damn foreign to what you're used to.

I don't know if I have that much advice, other than don't be so hard on yourself? Everyone's had thoughts, and people make mistakes. What matters is what you do with it later. Even at home, I had a couple major crushes on people who I really really shouldn't've, and I've gotten myself into a couple things here that might have been a little quick and a little dumb. But. It's all worked out. Oddly.

[foolishjustice]

It's the complete fucking opposite of what I'm used to. Just the concept of polyamory was a shock, even if learning about it made me feel a hell of a lot better about having three different crushes here.

Maybe part of it is that there's a lot of pressure back home to keep this shit under wraps, so the only people you see admitting to it are the assholes. It makes it easy to assume nobody else thinks like that, except the assholes you don't want to be like.

[champagnetower]

I will consider this a shout out! I'm famous now!

[foolishjustice]

I don't think one person who didn't participate remembering your game counts as famous.

anon.

[yumenope]

( given the anonymous ability of the network, perhaps it’s time for some honesty. for once. not like it could ever be traced back to him. it’s — harmless. )

It’s annoyingly pervasive, yes. I imagine each person is handling and adapt differently. You just likely aren’t seeing the turmoil, given most people choose to internalize it.

I wouldn’t say I’ve adapted to this culture.

[foolishjustice]

People are trying to say to ignore it, but I don't know how the hell I'd do that without shutting myself away.

If I was the kind of person who could just ignore it, I wouldn't be having this problem in the first place. Is it the same sort of thing for you?

un: piercedyourheart92

[piercedyourheart]

this is going to be the most cop out answer, but it gets easier with time.

this whole place is...a lot. a whole lot more than where i come from. the other day, someone told me to go buy an...aid, i guess, because of iris. it freaked me out a little bit because no one's ever been that honest with me about sex before.

then again, i'm in college so hearing about people hooking up and talking about sex is unavoidable. it's something you get used to. maybe you've just gotta give yourself a bit more time?

[foolishjustice]

It's actually been feeling harder, but people's replies have had me thinking it's actually a bit more than just culture shock.

I've known a lot of selfish assholes, and not many actually decent people. My perspective might have just been fucked to begin with, and it wasn't as obvious back home because of sex being a fairly taboo subject.

text

[chainlinks]

Wow you are the 'fucking' worst at sounding anon, anon.

Private

[foolishjustice]

[Yeah, he...knew there was a good chance Ren would figure him out. He's not even going to bother staying anon here.]

Shut the hell up. This wasn't meant to fool you.

anon.

[foolaround]

honestly i just never listened to the people who tried to teach me that.

i'm sorry you ended up taking it to heart, but they were the wrong ones! not you. attraction is normal and okay. its not like i was super experienced before i came here or anything, i always just--

i guess to your other question i decided a long time ago that even if life is terrible, there's plenty of good to focus on too! and tons of fun to have

i always chased what i wanted as long as it didnt hurt anyone. so this place has been... weird? but not bad for me

[foolishjustice]

I'm starting to wonder if I'm not quite as out of the ordinary as I thought, but never realized it before because it's a subject people are expected to not talk about.

un : takamaki

[panthered]

The difference between perving on someone and asking to hook-up is that in second situation, you're asking them for permission, and the other you're just doing it without their consent. If you're told no and you don't let it go, that's a completely different problem than being casual about it.

But I guess my views might be pretty skewed nowadays? Where I'm originally from, people aren't open about it, either. Even looking different is enough for people to assume you're easy and will do it with just whoever. Your home sounds a lot like mine, honestly.

Anyway, I don't think anyone is going to come after you for having your thoughts in the gutter if you aren't being a mega creep about it. Just don't treat them any differently than you would normally. There's nothing worse than being treated like a piece of ass.

Speaking of asses, that rating post was seriously messed up. Pretty sure I saw people posting others without their permission. Not okay.

[foolishjustice]

I know how much it sucks to have people obsess over your looks. My own are a bit uncommon where I'm from, and most of what I hear when people talk about me is them fucking going on about how hot I am. It creeps me the fuck out when people who don't even know me act like I'm some kind of walking dakimakura.

I saw that, too. I was even checking it myself to make sure nobody posted my picture. People can show off their own bodies in that kind of space if they want, but only an asshole would post a picture of someone else's ass without permission.

anon

[fineprinted]

I think you're perfectly valid for airing this out - I don't think you're the only one who's initially uncomfortable with how this planet encourages being more sexually active. But think of it as teenage hormones growing more rampant than usual, I guess? At least that's how I've thought of it lately.

Or maybe it all depends on our circumstances growing up. I live in Japan for one, and that country is a lot more conservative than most if you don't take a peek at the less savory parts of a certain entertainment industry. For some of us, it's rather liberating to partake in that kind of intimacy after being withheld from it for so long, due to many reasons.

[foolishjustice]

I'm from Japan too, and I can't say the number of Japanese people here hasn't made me worry about the things I've already managed to loosen up about. It makes me pretty damn nervous sometimes, being openly bisexual and polyamorous.

That certain entertainment industry is another of the things I'm having to work to adapt to. I'm not used to thinking of it as something that's actually respected enough to have some decent fucking regulations to keep the workers from being exploited.

UN: HaganeNoBanchou

[fridgeninja]

I think it helps that the last place I was was much worse.

Sorry, that isn't that helpful.

But, in that last place, I experienced the same thing... I just tried to take my cues from the people I had the most in common with; be sincere, and if I was uncomfortable, I didn't hide it.

It's better to be honest about this kind of feeling.

[foolishjustice]

Was it that hellpit with some bullshit about a deceit gene?

Does being honest help you feel better about having the feeling in the first place? I tend to feel...pretty shitty over having sexual thoughts about someone I don't feel romantic chemistry with.

Anonymous

[betheirstrength]

Women aren't really considered to have a desire for sex where I'm from, too. Like, it's just not even thought about, at best.

Or you're a tainted slut or worse.

I don't really remember when I started hating that, but it's been awhile. It would be kind of refreshing to be somewhere where I'm allowed to actually express that and like, be allowed to have a sexuality, but, I dunno, it's complicated, right?

I had to face down my own desire to be a sexual person in a big way, and accept that about myself, but in order to live the way I wanna live, I still had to really hide it, you know?

I don't really know what the point in saying all this is, except that I understand where you're coming from, I think, but instead of feeling like a dick I feel like... hmm. You know all the bad things they say about girls who "like sex" I'm sure. I feel like I'm betraying myself, too, like I'm letting myself be a piece of meat. But I do want that kind of attention, and I know that about myself. It's not new. It's just suddenly... relevant.

I hope both of us can learn how to be honest about that part of ourselves and be okay with it.

I didn't expect to say so much in response to this. Guess I needed to get it out.

[foolishjustice]

I think I needed to get this off my chest too, so I understand completely.

I also understand your worries about people judging you. I'm an illegitimate child, and I learned a lot of insults even I won't repeat from people hurling them at my mother. I don't know how she managed to not assault any of the fuckers for the things they called her to her face.

But I think there's a difference between flaunting and letting yourself be a piece of meat. The latter implies a lack of agency, like you're just letting people treat you like an object. Showing off is on your own terms, so you're in control of it. Hell, the only reason I dress modestly as a general habit is because I've dealt with so many creepy assholes acting like taking care of my appearance gives them permission to invade my personal space, so I understand being proud of your body and liking attention.

It's a bit different for me, though, being male. Guys who think about sex outside of a relationship are considered creepy assholes, and assumed to be pieces of shit that'll cheat on their girlfriends. It makes it even worse that I'm poly, since until I got here, I thought that I was that shitty because I'd be interested in more than one person at a time.