prismatica | Text - Anonymous

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Text - Anonymous

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.

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The difference between perving on someone and asking to hook-up is that in second situation, you're asking them for permission, and the other you're just doing it without their consent. If you're told no and you don't let it go, that's a completely different problem than being casual about it.

But I guess my views might be pretty skewed nowadays? Where I'm originally from, people aren't open about it, either. Even looking different is enough for people to assume you're easy and will do it with just whoever. Your home sounds a lot like mine, honestly.

Anyway, I don't think anyone is going to come after you for having your thoughts in the gutter if you aren't being a mega creep about it. Just don't treat them any differently than you would normally. There's nothing worse than being treated like a piece of ass.

Speaking of asses, that rating post was seriously messed up. Pretty sure I saw people posting others without their permission. Not okay.

I know how much it sucks to have people obsess over your looks. My own are a bit uncommon where I'm from, and most of what I hear when people talk about me is them fucking going on about how hot I am. It creeps me the fuck out when people who don't even know me act like I'm some kind of walking dakimakura.

I saw that, too. I was even checking it myself to make sure nobody posted my picture. People can show off their own bodies in that kind of space if they want, but only an asshole would post a picture of someone else's ass without permission.

I get that, too. It happens a lot in my line of work, kind of disappointing when people don't notice all of the effort I put in and instead focus on things that are out of my control. I didn't ask to look like this.

But I'm also not ashamed of myself, either. I used to be, a little. I wanted to just fit in with everyone else in school, and look the same as they did. But I think if I did that, I would've lost part of who I am. I like the way I look, now. People still look at me like I'm a piece of meat sometimes, but I've also got a lot of people around me who like me for me. The way I look isn't even a factor to them. So even though I'm still not a fan of being treated like that, that's not all I am to everyone.

I think it's easy for some people to forget that other people are... actually people. Not objects. Sometimes we like being admired... sometimes we just want to be left alone.

But, I mean, you seem to get that. You don't like it when people do it to you, so you try not to do it to them. Sounds like you might be giving yourself way too hard a time.

That's exactly how I feel. My line of work takes a lot of effort, maintaining my looks was supposed to be about first impressions. But people ignore what I do in favor of how I look, and it gets frustrating as hell.

I can say from experience that you're right to be glad you didn't manage to blend in. I managed to learn to act exactly like society wants me to, but I forgot how to really be myself. I'm still working on re-learning that, and even figuring out who the hell I really am anymore.

I have reasons to have trouble not comparing myself to a creepy piece of shit, though. Just thinking about him pisses me off, but it's easy to think in terms of even innocuous things we have in common being the start of something worse.

Does it hold you back at all? It can be frustrating, but... I'm trying to work as hard as I can to show I'm worth more than that! So, maybe that could work for you, too? They may only see the way you look at first, but then you can just impress their socks off with how amazing you are?

That can be tough... but if you have people around you that you don't feel you have to pretend with, that can be a big help.

Maybe you can use that to your advantage, though? Like you've seen what they're like, and you know you don't like it, so now you have a good example of how not to be. And if you feel yourself tipping too far, you or someone you trust can always pull you back.

For the record, though, I don't think having something in common with someone who's awful doesn't have to mean anything. As long as that thing isn't something bad, of course.

I actually originally got media exposure for my skills, but once I started doing interviews and shit, people went crazy about my looks. Now I can't even do work in public without people pestering me to gush or ask for a date. About the only good thing I get out of it is people being willing to let me bend the rules on paperwork, or fast track my requests.

In the case of the asshole I keep comparing myself to, we're related, so I do have reason to worry about what else we might have in common that I just can't see.

That's kind of an advantage, but I can see where that would be pretty annoying, too. It doesn't feel right to be rewarded for something you didn't work hard at.

It's a tough one. It's not fair for you to stop doing interviews because of how other people see you, but I don't know how you could go about making people stop, either.

I don't think you have to be the same just because you're related, either. A friend of mine... his father was a total abusive asshole who would take his anger out on him and his mother. But my friend is nothing like that! He has a little bit of a temper, sure, but what matters is that his heart is in the right place. He couldn't be further from that person if he tried. They have that anger in common, but, what matters most is how he channels it. He'd never hurt anyone... not unless they deserved it.

Not that I don't try to maintain my looks, but I put much more effort into my career. I really do wish people's focus was the other way around.

I've taken to spending my time in out of the way places, like small cafes or basement jazz clubs. People in places like those tend not to be too focused on the other customers.

I wish I could say I can't imagine myself hurting someone who didn't deserve it, but I know I do have the capacity to lash out and hurt even someone I care deeply about. That makes it a little harder to tell myself I'm completely different from my asshole relative.

I like those kinds of places, too. Not having people paying attention to you is nice, but the atmosphere, too. They're kind of a win-win in your situation. Plus it's easier to get to know the people there.

But... the difference is that you obviously feel bad about it.

That's the thing about real assholes. They don't ever regret anything. No matter who they hurt, or how much they hurt them. All they care about is themselves.

The food and drinks tend to be better, too. The busier a place is, the more likely they resort to pre-packaged ingredients to keep up with the demand. A small neighborhood cafe is much more likely to use freshly roasted beans than a major chain.

I guess I...haven't really thought about it in those terms. Only one person who's hurt me has really felt bad about how it turned out as far as I know, and what happened between us was just because we fucked up on communicating and he didn't realize how much I cared.

But now that I am thinking about it, there was something recently. I'm Cordis, and someone I met during the play thought I smelled really nice, even after I told her what the pheromones could do to someone. It made me pretty uncomfortable, but once she realized it was bothering me, she apologized. It felt a lot better to know she was only doing it because she didn't realize how it was making me feel.

That's true! The place I visited the most at home always had the freshest coffee. And it smelled so good... even if you don't like to drink coffee that smell is just too good. You never really get that at chain places.

It sounds like you've had a lot of jerks in your life. Someone who actually cares cares about you being hurt, too, even if it means they have to swallow their pride and apologize.

Most chain places also exclusively use percolators, which always turn out shit coffee. It turns bitter and loses all the individuality of the blend, so it doesn't even make a difference what beans you use.

I've...mostly known people who either looked down at me or saw me as just a pretty face to obsess over. It's only pretty recently that I've known anyone who gave a shit about me.

Honestly that's probably why I only have coffee at one place anymore. Anywhere else I can drink juice or something!

Aw... well, there's that at least, right? You have them now.

Everything can change if you have even one person in your corner. I know that firsthand.

I'm pretty spoiled to a specific place, too, but it was unfortunately too far out of my way to stop at when I had work. I know some other good coffee places, though, so I've managed.

Having support has helped a little, but...it takes time to undo the damage being alone for so long did. Especially since I've had relatives say some pretty shitty things, and even convince me my own mother didn't care.

There are also some things I'm not sure ever can change.

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