Text - Anonymous

[foolishjustice]

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.

Comments

[foolishjustice]

That's a good way to describe it. A thought process that always kicks in whenever I catch myself having certain thoughts, and tells me the person I'm having them about would be pissed or uncomfortable if they knew.

Maybe I need some sort of mental block block, some sort of reassurance to use whenever I realize I'm judging myself by what people would think back home.

[ringlette]

You might have to find that sort of anti-block within yourself first. Gain that bit of confidence necessary to stride up to someone and interact amiably with them, or even asking for a bit of moonlacing, without being burdened by shame. I am sure that the majority of people who ended up here have easily warmed up to the idea, or are less wary of strangers than one would think, even without the moon's influence.

In other words, just try to be more confident and think positive! Without being forceful, of course. Reading other people's intentions may be difficult, but even if you get rejected there is always something to learn and improve about how you put yourself out there.

[foolishjustice]

I have managed asking people to dance before...though, it's a bit different at a party with a dance floor.

I think confidence is part of the problem, though. A friend once told me that I shouldn't assume people won't be interested, and that might be the root of the problem. Assuming that the only people who wouldn't be insulted are the ones I'm involved with.

[ringlette]

It is, indeed, an assumption that should have no reason to exist. We may not have met yet, dear anonymous, but I would never be insulted by a request of yours! As long as confidence does never turn into arrogance and entitlement, I am utmost sure you are going to be alright.

[foolishjustice]

You remind me of someone I've talked to a couple times, but I'm not sure I can bring myself to un-anon with an acquaintance, given the topic.

[ringlette]

I do not mind whatever decision you make! If you are not comfortable with de-anoning, I will neither push nor insist that I know of your real identity. That would be significantly tactless of me, much as I may inadvertently act that way sometimes.

[foolishjustice]

Maybe eventually. I am trying to be less fake, but I have a lot of habit to break down. It's a work in progress.

[ringlette]

Baby steps, dear anon! Your safety and emotional wellbeing come before anyone's curiosity. I would be elated to know that I have at least contributed to help you feel better about the situation, along with the other people who have replied to you.