prismatica | Text - Anonymous

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Text - Anonymous

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.

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They aren't a random person they're one of the few people I've met here who feels weird and awkward a lot here too ok ok u don't know what it's like for me ok ok trust me u don't.

Edited 2019-08-23 03:47 (UTC)

[There's a bit of a lull and maybe Chie thinks he just dropped the convo. But then:]

"i guess maybe it helps no one would want me"

u rly think i dont know how that feels?

[He switches the chat to private at this point and he drops the text speak.]

It's what my Shadow talked about, actually. That and some other stuff, but that was part of it. And I know my... weirdness and stuff means you think I'm actually all for this place but I'm NOT. It's... it's weird. It's really weird and awkward. I've hooked up with a couple people but it's not like we're dating and like that makes me feel like a sleezeball even though I know the others were okay with it and have these open relationships but like...

Well, yeah. So, I get it. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like you were alone in this or something.

[Yeah, she's dropping the anon now. He knows it's her anyway. And maybe she'll make some more visible effort at not doing so many run-on sentences and not shortening the word 'you.']

Oh.

It really is weird and awkward and I don't know how people do it, Yosuke, I don't know how anyone here just hooks up with people, especially strangers. I've only been with Souji and Hifumi and I've been in love with Souji for most of a YEAR and even with Hifumi I'd been good friends since I got here. We ended up finding each other when we were lost on the moon and we got picked up by the Prismals together and she's just been really important to me. And I still didn't kiss her until she turned into a really pretty dragon.

But then you hear about other people having crazy moons where they're just banging everyone they meet and they don't seem to have the problem and then you have to wonder if maybe you're the big prudish weirdo.

And sometimes I worry that Souji is going to... I dunno. Find people who're better than me. And spend more time with them. And I'll be lonely and left behind. I know he likes me back but there are a lot of really Special people here.

And we both know I'm not.

Hey, don't talk like that.

You're special, and I'm NOT just saying that, okay?

But... yeah, I don't even have a girlfriend or anything to fall back on. It just... sort of happened and I mean, it was fun at the time. Obviously, no bones about that. But now that I'm really thinking about it, I just feel weird about it. Then yeah, I feel like some prudish weirdo. Especially because doing the whole PDA thing is already a bit too much for me. Just casually having sex? I don't know either.

But I can say this, Partner wouldn't just leave you. Not like that, anyway. He's with you because he likes you too, Chie. That much is obvious. But he is being a lot more uh... open about this than I expected and maybe it's something you should talk to him about since you're worried? I'd like to think I know him well enough to help you but even that threw me off guard. I can try and talk to him about it too, though. The whole... sleeping with other people a lot, if you want?

I don't know how people do it either, Chie. I'm not sure how I did it, aside from just... going with it, I guess. But now I feel odd about it since I've always just really wanted a relationship, you know? Not just a hook-up. But this place just makes everything all screwy and out of whack.

Maybe I am, but if I am it's not in a good way, like any of the other girls. It's because I'm a giant tomboy freak who isn't even cute.

When we talked about this stuff right before we did it, he said that he didn't date me when I first confessed back home because he wanted to be with all us girls and it wouldn't be fair to any of us? But I guess something changed since then. Besides him forgetting Marie.

Also I dunno if you've noticed but some of the people here were somewhere else that they wanted you to have sex all the time before they got here, only they were a lot more heavy-handed there. Like there's someone even talking about it in the anonymous post. And based on how he's been here + forgetting Marie I am PRETTY SURE that the something that changed was that Souji was probably one of them. He'd definitely had sex with people before me.

Edited 2019-08-23 04:38 (UTC)

OMG stop. I’m going to go over there and kick your ass and not even partner can stop me if you keep talking like that!!! I wouldn’t have wanted to see you in a bikini if I didn’t think you’re cute because you are, okay? So what if you’re a tomboy? Look at Kanji! He knits cute shit and is even doing sexy lingerie now but he can also kick your butt to next Tuesday if he wanted! If someone cares that much that you know kung fu and stuff then they aren’t the person for you, okay?

Geez, I shouldn’t have to be telling you this, all of you are all special. I’m just this mediocre kid out in the boonies and I’ve only just come to terms with being okay with that.

[There’s a pause as he considers the next bit. It’s a lot.]

Yeah, I heard about it. Something definitely did change and I can’t tell if he knows or not. Or maybe he does and he doesn’t really care? But that doesn’t really sound like him, especially when wanting to be fair to you and the other girls. I think a talk is in order, even if it’s gonna be so awkward and weird, especially coming from me. Of all people.

I can barely figure myself out here.

Souji’s good at listening, sucks at talking though. It’s like pulling teeth and he probably won’t say anything unless someone does, so.

I’ll talk to him. I need to anyway.

Edited (Grammar and stuff IM SORRY) 2019-08-23 14:54 (UTC)

Yosuke, I am boring to look at. Maybe I'm not fat or ugly but people's eyes just slide right off me and they did even before we started hanging out with a literal idol singer. And maybe I figured you just wanted to see me in a bikini because you wanted to see live girls half naked and it didn't matter which ones. So no, I never thought you thought I was cute! Why would I?

And yeah, I know you guys don't care that I'm a tomboy, but doesn't it matter that I can't do literally anything feminine right? Like at all? It's not just having a little bit of trouble with cooking, it's pretty much all that stuff. If I can't do anything right as a girl, I might as well be a boy. At least Kanji can do SOME boy things right. I can't do any girl things right at all.

I guess though if I'm a failure as a girl, it might not be a bad thing that I'm not pure anymore. Not like it would be with someone else.

But it's not that I'm miserable with Souji or anything. A lot of the time I'm happy with him! And honestly when we first got together I was just happy to finally be with him. The truth is that if we had dated back home I would have probably slept with him by Christmas. Because I wanted him that much.

And maybe it's bad but part of me would rather have this newer, sluttier Souji who WILL sleep with me and kiss me and cuddle me and go on dates with me than the old Souji who couldn't choose between the human women in his life and so didn't do anything with any of us (except probably Marie but goddesses don't count.) Because even if New Souji is doing that stuff with other people, at least I'm getting SOMETHING from him, you know?

For now, anyway.

It's not that I think he'll leave me behind completely or anything. I mean, we've been dating with the idea we can both do things with other people for months and he hasn't been neglecting me. I know we can handle normal alien space moon things? It's always super weird and awkward and sometimes I feel uncomfortable because I can't just go to bed with someone like most people here do and that might make the weird sex stuff easier? But I mean this isn't the first time things that are easy for other people are super hard for me. I'm used to that. And we've gotten through all this stuff together.

But now RISE is here.

She's here and she's living with us and it's a ticking time bomb to when she gets with Souji and when she does, it'll all be over. Not because Souji will stop caring about me, but she's RISE. You know how she was when she wasn't even dating him! Once he's dating her too I'll never see him again! She'll take up every little scrap of his attention and time and he'll be too busy screwing her to screw me, because even if he likes me too, if there's a choice between screwing a real live idol and your normal, boring girlfriend... well, that's not really a choice, isn't it?

I don't know what I'll do when that happens. Maybe move in with Hifumi and try to give them space. If even she wants me long term.

[Well damn, he didn't expect a novel. Although he probably should have given how long the "typing" signal was going for. He has to take his time and he's thankful that they're using text though.

It actually allows him to think before speaking when he's able to slow his roll and type, especially since he's not using the usual shorthand he does.]

Chie... look, I can't... undo all this stuff that you're thinking about in yourself. I really wish I could because I wish you'd be able to see yourself the way me and the others do. You're spirited and strong, you kick ass, and you're ultimately a really nice person to be friends with. I'm sorry I didn't actually tell you that you're cute, I thought you'd just kick my face in if I did or something. No offense but you kind of find any excuse to do that to me.

Then again, I don't really go out of my way to do anything like tell you nice things to you either so, guess it's both our faults on that one.

But, take it from the most boring guy around... it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether you can be a guy or a girl right. Yeah, Kanji can do some guy things right but no one else seems to care because he knits. We both know people are pretty hard set on the whole what boys and girls do, it's generally one or the other. I always thought hugs were for girls only. And then partner went and gave me a hug and I didn't know you could do that? And be okay with it? I'm not gonna lie, I needed the hug at the time and it felt so good. And I think that's when I realized that it's okay to, you know, be a guy and show your emotions in other ways than bottling it up. Honestly, I'm surprised partner doesn't get crap over cooking all the time.

I think the person who likes you for who you are, pure or not, is gonna be the right person for you, Chie. If they don't, then they weren't right for you to begin with.

[Speaking of partner, he needs to think hard on this one.]

I... don't know what's going on in his head right now. I wish I did and it makes me mad that I don't. I'm kind of finding out that he's not telling me everything but I'm gonna ask him later. So, I don't really have an answer for you on this whole... old vs new Souji.

But what I can say is this, Chie. Don't settle. I know you wanted his attention and to be with him, but if you're that concerned over this whole thing, about your relationship with him, about whatever is going on with him, then you need to talk to him just like I'm going to talk to him, okay? Yeah, it's gonna be a sucky conversation and uncomfortable all around but I think it's high time we had some kind of talk. It hasn't felt the same lately and it isn't going to be the same until we do talk. A new world is one thing, but we're also going against our comfort zones a lot too and all of this is super personal.

As for Rise... Partner doesn't think like that. He never did and you should know that, Chie. He never cared that she's an idol, hell I don't think he even knew she was one and even after he just rolled with it. It's not gonna be about choosing between an idol and a boring girlfriend, but choosing between two friends who happen to be girls. If he even makes that kind of choice at all, which I don't think he will? Mainly because I don't think Rise would put him in that position. You should give her more credit. When he was available, sure she was all over him but if she knows you two are already dating, I don't think she's the type to be some kind of homewrecker.

[He's hoping this doesn't sound like he's biased. Because he's really trying to be objective here and not let his own crush on Rise get in the way. But she really does seem too sweet to get between people like that. He stops here for the moment, to read over his words and hope they're okay. Aside from a few corrections, they seem okay and if he flubbed anything... well, it wouldn't be the first time his words didn't come out right. It's all a sensitive topic, after all, and one he's not exactly comfortable or well informed on.]

Chie. Just... let's just take it easy for a bit, okay? Kanji wants us for dinner, we can talk more about this then. I think you need to hear whatever it is Kanji has to say. The big lug is surprisingly insightful when you give him the chance. And if you...

If you want, you can come over to my place if you wanna chat some more. Or watch some dumb action movie or whatever. Promise, no pervy stuff.

Edited (html) 2019-08-25 18:40 (UTC)

The thing about Rise is that if Souji is dating both of us, which I assume is what he'll want to do, then it's not Rise being a homewrecker. It's just Rise being selfish with his time. I don't think Rise would be a homewrecker, but I can super easily see Rise being selfish with his time. Super, super easily. Because I had all those months with him before she got here, right?

She wouldn't do it to be mean or on purpose. I just think it would happen anyway.

[It's sad how easily Chie can picture it happening.]

It's getting close to when my anonymous friend said they'd be here. So you're right. We can talk at Kanji's.

I suppose you have a point there. Still, talking about it with partner might help with that. I dunno. I think we just also need to figure all this out as we go along too.

Anyway, yeah, hopefully you're not running late. Uh, have fun, I guess? And I'll see you later.

See you then.

Yo.

Both of your asses are coming over for dinner. Tonight. 8. Got it?

WAT Y?

nvm fine ill be there

[How does a text from Kanji make him feel like he’s in trouble and he’s about to be scolded by his mom?]

Okay????

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