Text - Anonymous

[foolishjustice]

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.

Comments

[dereban]

To be fair, I totally get it. I'm from Japan myself, and I know that if you don't conform or "fit in" or whatever, you tend to get into more trouble or even have a lot of issues than if you just go with what everyone else wants. Obviously there are limits of what you can and can't do - especially if you want to be a good person, but placing limitations on a person's individuality is pretty bullshit, to be honest.

I think that sort of thing can be unlearned, especially if you're up for change and want to live your best life, so to speak. Life's too short to keep yourself miserable all the time, you know?

[foolishjustice]

I'm from Japan too, so that's the exact situation I'm coming from. I'm also an orphan, so I've never really had anyone who would support me even if I did get into trouble.

I have to wonder how many people there give themselves shit for not exactly matching the mold, without realizing that other people are putting on just as much of an act.

[dereban]

That's pretty unfortunate. I'm sorry. Honestly, I could never fall back on my parents in the off chance of trouble - they're kind of the strict type that doesn't like the trouble, so I don't tend to purposely get into it, even if I'm trying to be me. Usually, I just fall back on my friends.

Although I think a lot of people do?

At least, I knew quite a bit that did.

[foolishjustice]

I didn't have any friends to fall back on either, since my parents weren't married. Nobody wants to spend time with some bastard child.

[dereban]

Well, people who would judge based on that alone are assholes.

[foolishjustice]

I know, but there are a ton of assholes like that back home. And anyone who might not have cared must have been too afraid of getting shit for being nice to me to actually say anything.

[dereban]

That's unfortunate.

And fear is also an unfortunate factor, too. People don't want to get too close to others that the majority might judge them on because they might get ostracized. It honestly sucks a lot. I don't have that issue myself, but I have friends who did. It's kind of bullshit.

[foolishjustice]

It makes it pretty easy to believe that the only way to be accepted is to hide anything that might make you stand out.

[dereban]

Yeah.

And it's stupid sometimes. Like I know other countries sure don't do it, although those other countries have their own completely different set of problems.

[foolishjustice]

I've actually always liked the idea of traveling for that reason. Though, now I'm starting to realize that the habits are a bit too ingrained for just going somewhere else to be the entire solution.

[dereban]

"Going somewhere else" is kind of like running away, so I guess you could say that yeah, it's definitely not going to work out very well. Or at least, that's what I think. It won't solve everything.