foolishjustice: (It's not as though I care...)
Goro Akechi ([personal profile] foolishjustice) wrote in [community profile] prismatica2019-08-21 12:30 am

Text - Anonymous

I have a question, that...you'll probably understand my reasons for posting anonymously once you finish reading.

The local culture is very open and laid back about sexual interest. It's different as hell from my own home, where men who show sexual attraction are viewed as disgusting perverts and assumed to be dangerous, while people don't even fucking think about women having an interest in sex beyond wanting to have children. Some of the posts I've seen here would get everyone involved labeled sexual deviants for the shit they talk about in the open.

My question is, how do people adapt to it? I'm here doing my damn best to keep my mind out of the gutter because I've been taught thinking about anyone you don't want to date like that is disrespectful as hell and fucking creepy, but then I turn around and see people openly asking for hookups or rating each other's asses, and instead of people calling that shit skeevy, they either go along with it or treat it like a funny joke.

I know it's not prudishness, believe-you-fucking-me, my life would be easier if I was just naturally shy or reserved or whatever. It's an extreme form of culture shock, and I wish I didn't end up feeling like a dick constantly over the kinds of mental images I get from both the way people act in public around here and some of the things the prismals hand out as fucking party favors.
wearingguess: (and new parchment and)

un: 1stQadrMargaFan

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-21 05:27 am (UTC)(link)
Is there not anyone here you want to date?
wearingguess: (yes this is arm)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-21 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
So the issue is that there are people you enjoy thinking about even though you wouldn't date them, and also that by some standards you have not been dating your date partners long enough for it to be all right that you are also having sex.
Is that right?
wearingguess: (titus titus)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-21 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
Then it really seems as though your fear of being judged is groundless.
If anything, doesn't it sound more like you are the one judging?
wearingguess: (just because you've got)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-21 06:15 am (UTC)(link)
So people who said those things were portrayed as deserving to be hit.
Did you also agree that they deserved it? If so, do you still feel that way now?
wearingguess: (so i can do you)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-21 06:46 am (UTC)(link)
Hmm

I think it makes sense to want to do whatever you can to avoid becoming the kind of person who does not care how they might upset others, especially if your father is like that.

But I wonder whether having sexual thoughts is actually that directly connected to it. That is, maybe there was a cultural focus on that particular type of disregard for others, but is sexual desire really the root cause of the problem?
wearingguess: (it would promote a feeling)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-21 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
I am not sure about "easiest"... that may be culturally dependent as well.

Still, you know what kind of behavior it is that you truly find abhorrent, regardless of what you were told to find abhorrent. And perhaps if you look closely at the types of harm you fear causing and how they are connected to the reactions you find yourself having, you will be able to come up with strategies for keeping yourself from going down that path.

And then, of course, if it ever turns out you didn't cause any harm at all, perhaps it would help to acknowledge that somehow! For example, keep a tally of all the times you had a thought or feeling that made you feel guilty, but did not actually end up doing anything wrong because of it... or something like that.
wearingguess: (depending on what attracts us)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-22 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
To be honest, I think it sounds like you are doing fine as it is.
It's not that the inner turmoil it all causes you is not a big deal, but
You have people you are close to, and it sounds like you all treat each other well. And despite the way it makes you feel about yourself when you inwardly respond to things the way you do, you didn't mention that you have acted on any of those impulses in a way that troubled anyone else. So rather than worrying about ways to change your feelings or let go of the lingering shame all at once, maybe you can just focus on
well
Keeping up the good work!
(And at the same time, of course, you can wait and hope the local mindset rubs off on you.)

wearingguess: (ass)

[personal profile] wearingguess 2019-08-24 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
Congratulations!