Text;

[onerous]

What is it that keeps you living? Why? What makes it worth it to you?

[That’s, uh. That’s it. That’s the message. There’s no follow-up explanation or anything.

She’s just curious and doesn’t seem to see how alarming a question like that out of the blue might be]

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Text; cw: suicidal ideation

[onerous]

[She doesn’t answer for a long moment, considering how to word it or how much to say]

Sometimes it feels like walking on the edge of a cliff. My balance is good, but I don’t know if I'll fall at any moment. And if I do fall, I don’t know which way I might go.

Someone important to me back home asked that I keep living. I’ve just been thinking about that promise lately and wondering what helps other people.

I have other things I live for too if I think about it, not just that promise, but I was curious.

[fineprinted]

So you've had thoughts like that as well.

[ this is hitting way too close to home, though. but he can't just leave this be, so - ]

All of us have different reasons to keep on living - some out of spite, some want to make the world a better place for everyone - and you seem to be getting a lot of interesting answers on this post, but...

Have you tried living for yourself?

[onerous]

[Oh.

Hm.]

Living for myself? [That seems... strange. It probably shouldn't be, but she's not sure how she feels about it]

I don't know if I like myself enough for that. [Ouch.]

It seems easier to live for other people and their feelings, when I don't care as much about my own. [At least she's honest?]

perma private

[fineprinted]

Yuri-chan...

[ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa let's take this to private dm's for both their sakes. ]

It may be easy to fall into that mindset, but other people might not think the same way. But if all else fails... there's a saying that you can fake it until you make it. Until you yourself can finally believe.

It may take a while, but some of us are definitely here for you. Even one person who believes in you can be a saving grace.

perma private

[onerous]

Back home, I had Hisoka. She the one who asked me to live a while longer, so I suppose I'm staying alive for her.

But making connections with others is a little frightening. Because if I end up falling the 'wrong' way, then it'll hurt a lot of people and I don't want to do that.

But for me and here I'm from, falling the 'wrong' way isn't really a choice for me anymore. There's something important I have to finish, and the outcome of that may lead to that 'wrong' end in order to help someone...

[She pauses, huffs out a breath]

I guess that doesn't make a lot of sense though, does it.

[fineprinted]

In all honesty, I'm not sure which exactly is the "right" and "wrong" way to fall into. I'm awfully obtuse that way.

But since you're in another place for the time being, I think it's about time to step out of your comfort zone a little. Making new connections can be frightening like you said, but they may save you from going down the wrong path. If anything, the fact that you're aware that you shouldn't go down that path is already a huge step for you.

You can continue to live for Hisoka-san, but... There's no harm in finding out new things to look forward to when you wake up and live for another day.