video (feat. one annoyed snek and one sassy car)

[whateternityis]

[The feed opens on a positively gleaming vintage car, parked in the shade under some leaves. It's black, it's expensive-looking, and it's obviously very well-cared for.

It's an interesting juxtaposition to the supremely annoyed hiss that's the first thing out of Crowley's mouth.] Ssssssssssso. If anyone else happens to want to bring something big here. Say, your car. Minor complication.

[At that point, he reaches into the frame and picks the car up, revealing a perspective trick that had been making it look reasonably-car-sized. He'd set it down under a bush, for the establishing shot, because even while VERY UPSET that his precious Bentley is about the size of a remote-control car, there was no reason not to show it off.]

Gonna have to have a word with that shop guy later this month, see if there's anything to be done about it. Meantime, I guess I'm stashing this inside somewhere.

[At this point, it becomes apparent there's a faint noise coming from the car; Crowley, still off-camera, sighs.] No one asked you. [The music continues, and he cuts the feed before the song can really progress.]

Comments

[dj_jiraiya]

[Yes it is, don't make him say it yet. He's working up the nerve to tell his friends so, shhhh.]

I-

[Then the car chimes in and Yosuke can't help but laugh at the rebuke the car gets. It actually helps, thanks Bentley, even if the song choice was probably not what he needed right now.]

Yeah, you're right. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. [Being a confused teen sucks though.]

So uh... if you're not human, can I ask what you are?

[whateternityis]

[No need to make him say it when it's easy enough to work out from context. As for the car, well, at least it made the kid laugh.]

A demon. Which may or may not explain things at all, the rate things are going around here. [Gonna depend on Yosuke's grasp on the Judeo-Christian mythos.]

[dj_jiraiya]

[Not very much, considering he's Japanese.]

I mean... it doesn't not explain things? The age thing, for one but uh, if manga and anime taught me anything, there's a lot more kinds of demons so that's just very vague but also pretty cool?

[A demon just gave him relationship advice. Seems like a cool guy.]

[whateternityis]

Less vague to the west of you, kid. I'm gonna get really good at explaining this, if nothing else.

By and large, demons decided Lucifer was on to something when he announced God wasn't the boss of him anymore and invited his friends to camp out in Her basement.

[dj_jiraiya]

West of-ooooh. Okay. Okay.

[Christianity, gotcha. Only not really because it wasn't like he knew much about the religion. Just that it existed. That counts, right? Still, he appreciates the sparknotes version of it.]

So you're from hell? Duuuude.

[He's kind of not sure what to think of that.]

[whateternityis]

If I'm from anywhere at this point, it's probably London. Been on Earth the whole time it's been around, give or take recently.

Not to mention, 'maybe don't destroy the planet over your celestial pissing contest' was a weirdly unpopular opinion.

[dj_jiraiya]

London would be so cool to visit though.

[Snort.]

Gods sure do love to do stuff like that, huh? Izanami wanted to know humanity's greatest desire and basically made an elaborate game out of it. Sooo much fun.

[At least she accepted her defeat gracefully. Not a sore loser, that one.]

[whateternityis]

It's a bit of all right, yeah. [He mostly stayed because it's where Aziraphale put down roots.]

Ah. Heard a bit about that the other day. This was more... everyone else assuming the plan the whole time had been to destroy Earth and get on with whether Heaven or Hell had superior firepower. Not sure it was ever not about humanity, but when one of us each had any kind of insight on what they were doing that whole time...

[dj_jiraiya]

Did you? Who told you?

[It saved more explanations, at least.]

Well uh, thanks for not letting the world end. I'd like to live until old age.

[whateternityis]

Six millennia of observation, more than anyone actually saying anything. God stopped sharing with the class ages ago and no one else cares.

Most of it came down to the Antichrist deciding he wanted no part in Armageddon, but you're welcome, I suppose.

[dj_jiraiya]

Fair enough. [He probably should have realized that but it was easier to assume someone just told the guy.] Still, it's good to know, I guess.

Anyway, I should let you go. Thanks for answering my questions and uh, my name's Yosuke. I'll look out for your car if you ever get it to normal car size!

[whateternityis]

Crowley. See you around, kid.

[Because he will get his car back to regular car size, even if he has to miracle it there himself.]