video (feat. one annoyed snek and one sassy car)

[whateternityis]

[The feed opens on a positively gleaming vintage car, parked in the shade under some leaves. It's black, it's expensive-looking, and it's obviously very well-cared for.

It's an interesting juxtaposition to the supremely annoyed hiss that's the first thing out of Crowley's mouth.] Ssssssssssso. If anyone else happens to want to bring something big here. Say, your car. Minor complication.

[At that point, he reaches into the frame and picks the car up, revealing a perspective trick that had been making it look reasonably-car-sized. He'd set it down under a bush, for the establishing shot, because even while VERY UPSET that his precious Bentley is about the size of a remote-control car, there was no reason not to show it off.]

Gonna have to have a word with that shop guy later this month, see if there's anything to be done about it. Meantime, I guess I'm stashing this inside somewhere.

[At this point, it becomes apparent there's a faint noise coming from the car; Crowley, still off-camera, sighs.] No one asked you. [The music continues, and he cuts the feed before the song can really progress.]

Comments

[foolishjustice]

[And that just makes him laugh even harder.]

I see it has a mind of its own.

[whateternityis]

No one to blame for that but myself. Spend 90-odd years getting your car used to the way of things and it picks up a few tricks of its own along the way.

[For all his annoyance with the situation and music-box-ified color commentary, he's clearly very fond of his car.]

[foolishjustice]

I have to say, you're looking very good for your age.

[whateternityis]

One does one's best.

[foolishjustice]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you're not human, then.

[whateternityis]

Decidedly not, kid.

[foolishjustice]

I don't think you're a nation, either...at least, I haven't heard anything about them being able to change sizes.

[whateternityis]

Nation? That's a new one. [So no.]

[foolishjustice]

Gijinkas - er, anthropomorphic manifestations of the concepts of various countries, there's a few of them around. They're all I'm immediately familiar with that can pass for human, though, aside from Prismals with more subtle animal features.

[whateternityis]

Interesting, but not me.

So, fourth time in a month I need to explain what a demon is, or do you have that context already?

[foolishjustice]

I've studied a bit of Judeo-Christian theology after running into relevant terms back home, even if it's not adjacent to my own...original beliefs.

[He's starting to suspect that things back home are...a bit more complicated than any single religion suggests.]

[whateternityis]

I was starting to think Aziraphale got the only one of you with anything close to context. Not your fault any more than it is mine, but still.

You probably have the basics, then. Lucy threw a fit and invited his friends to camp in Mother's basement, so on. By and large, that covers it.

[foolishjustice]

...Ah, one of you must be the one who explained it to Satonaka-chan. Unless there are other people here who don't just assume the Bible was right about men being closer to God's image.

[whateternityis]

Green jacket? That was me.

[foolishjustice]

That's her. She mentioned someone telling her about a version of the Abrahamic God that's female, and also a huge jerk.

[whateternityis]

[There's a longish pause before Crowley sighs.]

Is She setting out to be a jerk, I don't know. But that's the problem. She went bloody uncommunicative. If you have all the answers and can't be arsed to explain things to anyone, it amounts to the same thing.

I'm also not exactly unbiased.

[foolishjustice]

I'm not either, considering the influence a certain deity has had on my own life.

[whateternityis]

That bad, huh?

[foolishjustice]

He chose me to be his proxy in a bet for the fate of the world, designated me as the side representing destroying it and starting over, and manipulated events so that I would be isolated and desperate enough to make choices that pitted me against the proxy representing preserving the world.

...The other proxy is also currently my rival, close friend, and romantic partner.

So yes, that bad.

[whateternityis]

...Yeah. That fucking bad. There's some shit you don't do to kids, and putting the fate of the world on you like that is one of those things.

We at least gave the Antichrist a chance to say he didn't want any part of Armageddon. [Partly by accident, but who's counting.]

[foolishjustice]

He didn't even bother to tell me that I was the harbinger of the apocalypse. I didn't find out until I got here and found out that my rival is from later than I am.

[whateternityis]

Now that's just rude.

Granted, I don't think anyone planned on telling Adam what was what, either. I just didn't think Earth was a price worth paying for a celestial pissing contest.

[foolishjustice]

He probably figured I'd refuse to play along if I knew. I'm not exactly happy with Japan, but I also had some people I cared about enough to protect.

[whateternityis]

Who would want to play along, at those stakes? Doesn't sound like he was all that confident he'd win.

[You can at least say that for Heaven and Hell. They were both confident they'd win.]

[foolishjustice]

Someone who...has nothing left to lose, and wants to lash out at the world, I'd guess. But I don't think he was confident at all, no. I don't see why else he'd give me a three year head start.