prismatica | anonymous text #2

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anonymous text #2

If someone was dead before being brought to this place, have they been resurrected?

It seems that there are numerous individuals that remember dying before their arrival here

if you are one of those people, if you are “dead”, i would like to ask you a few questions.

And if someone is dead in their own world, that raises the question of what happens when we “go back”

is this just purgatory before the final death sentence

wonders never cease, i guess.

Please reply if this applies to you or if you have any relevant information or opinions on the matter.

Thanks.

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i was dead before i came here. i know some other people who were, too, but my situation was different than most people's, i think.

i died years ago, but i didn't go to heaven or anything. i didn't move on, i mean. i was about to right before i got here, but then i wound up here instead.

this is different than it was back there, though. back there i knew i wasn't alive. here i'm breathing and i have a heartbeat and everything, so whatever this is, it's different than it was before.

Are you saying you were some kind of ghost before, but upon being brought here, you’re fully alive?

Is that a relief, or were you hoping to “move on”?

i think the word is revenant? ghost works fine, but i'm pretty sure i heard the other one somewhere once. it means someone who didn't move on, because of unfinished business.

actually it's pretty hard, to be honest? because i finished the business that had made me stay behind. so i thought that was just going to be it, but now i'm here and i don't really know what i'm supposed to do with myself.

i don't really feel like i'm supposed to be alive, but here i am anyway.

i feel the same way.

Not that i’m a ghost or anything, in fact i don’t believe my world even has an afterlife, and if it does, I certainly don’t remember going there

but the feeling of not knowing what to do with myself now that i’m here in a place that i feel i do not fit or belong

It all feels kind of pointless sometimes.

yeah...i know exactly how that feels.

i have friends here who are really great, and they want me to treat being here like a second chance. make up for all the things i didn't get to do back there, you know? and i know they mean well, and i love them all, but sometimes it's just...

sometimes i don't know how to put into words how it feels, to always kind of feel like this isn't "for me". this isn't part of my life because my life ended when i died. it's not that easy to just pick up where i left off and pretend like it's all the same.

”make friends” “enjoy yourself”

people tell me these things without knowing the first thing about me or what i’ve been through

I don’t feel like myself in this place.
It feels wrong.

and i don’t know how to deal with it, just like i don’t know how to deal with knowing that my existence can be snapped up at a moment’s notice.

It’s pretty awful. If someone very important to me didn’t happen to be here as well, i don’t know what i would do

you have a person like that too, huh...

are they the most important person in the world to you?

Yes.

I would do anything for her.

that's how it is for mine, too.

but i think...

because of that, sometimes it's hard to be my own person, a little? do you ever feel like that, too? because so much of who you are is tied up in that person, so it's hard to know who you are without them.

[there’s hitting the nail on the head, and then there’s that.]

Yes.

[typing that single word makes her feel...hideously guilty.]

Not that I mind, I mean...like I said, i don’t know what i’d do without her, she’s my entire world

But...because of that, i don’t always know who i am, outside of what she needs from me

And when she’s not around...my dependency on her instruction leaves me feeling isolated and listless

Lonely

It’s probably rather pathetic

i don't think so. i'm happiest when i'm with my important person because when i'm with them, i...feel like i know exactly who i am. what i'm supposed to be doing.

but then when i'm on my own, i think about how lonely i am, too. because it feels like the world left me behind, a little. almost like...like everything else is moving, but i'm just stopped.

but i think i owe it to myself to figure out who "me" is, even so. even if i have to try a hundred things and none of them are right. because you're more than just a part of that person. and i think...

i think

how will that person ever see you as a whole person, either, if you can't stand on your own two feet without them?

I died at home and woke up here.

What are your questions?

depends who you ask

[ facebook status: it's complicated. ]

pretty sure i'm supposed to be dead though

Vague.

Some tell you you’re dead, yet you don’t remember it?

I was dead for a while before coming here. It's all something of a blur.

People have died and been resurrected in my world before, so it's more or less confirmed that there's an afterlife, at least on our universe.

It's generally difficult and very expensive, and you can only raise someone whose soul is free and willing, but it's been done. You can even travel to those planes yourself if you wish, but it's dangerous without careful preparation.

I could see why someone might view this place as a sort of afterlife.

It's alright. I think a good chunk of people here all had lives far from normal, so being in a place relatively mundane must be a shock to the system for more than just us. We don't even know how long we can all be here for, to be honest.

Do you have friends here? So that you're not completely alienated? I've found that I enjoyed being here a lot more once some of my friends arrived, since my worries were alleviated and I could focus on them, instead of just...Thinking. At any rate, distracting yourself somehow might be beneficial, and before you know it, you'll adjust little by little without realising.

You may be right.

I don’t know how she can respect me when all i can do is cling to her and rely on her to provide me with agency

It’s always been a bit scary though

Without her to tell me what to do or how to act or to act as motivation for me...
Sometimes i wonder if there is even a “me” without her at this point

Maybe i should find out

i think there must be. the you without her is the one who feels lonely. and even if it's a bad feeling, it's still yours.

i told a friend of mine once that i wasn't sure if my life would've even amounted to much, if i'd lived longer than i did. and he said, who cares whether it would've amounted to anything or not, because it would have been yours. you still deserve it. it's still yours.

so i think maybe that's something that could help you, too. even if it feels like without her, that "you" won't amount to much of anything...that doesn't matter. you still deserve for there to be a "you", whether you do anything with it or not.

Resurrection is a good term. I did die on my world, although my spirit became the wind and I still had awareness as the wind. Then I came here and my body was fully restored.

[“It would have been yours”

Oh.

That...affects her in a way she didn’t expect. It takes her a bit to reply.]

I always felt disposable compared to her.

So, knowing that I died, I thought...”that’s okay.” Better me than her.

Wanting to live for myself, I hadn’t even thought about it until I got here.

[It hurts. A little bit.]

whoa
that's pretty heavy. are there really people here that were dead back in their own world?
kinda makes me wonder how this place decided they're a good source of chroma

[And... also worry about some of her own, very highly incredibly specific circumstances brought about by the whole world-hopping thing and what she was told back in the world before this one, but she is so not about to air that on a public post.
Sorry, Mukuro. Maybe someday.]

okay, here's my thoughts
if we get to the point that the lunatians can send us home, that kinda implies they made something to do it, right
so maybe once that happens, people will get a choice?
maybe you'll get to pick if you want to stay here or if you wanna risk going back to your own world
and if you do risk it, since there's apparently tons of timelines and versions of our own worlds and whatever
all that stuff, i don't get it THAT much, but
maybe it'll plop you in a timeline where you lived?

but i'm just spitballing, really

My sister is here. Without her, I’m not sure what i would do.

I never had friends before i came here, but i did meet one person that i enjoy being around

I just don’t think i know how to distract myself or relax
Being with my friend only reminds me how stupid and weird i am

It can be very frustrating
The only time i feel comfortable, when things make sense is in battle

isn’t it a little selfish to only act in the interest of my own happiness?

It is selfish, yes.

But is there something wrong with being a little selfish every now and again?

First of all, is dying the last thing you remember?

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