four 💕 anonymous text.

[dereban]

so, once again, iiiiit's your local prismanon asking for some advice!

it's almost the end of the year, huh? like, ten months deep. i've been here for like, what? almost half a year now? that's kind of shocking to be honest. and it makes me wonder. who here misses their homes? but more so than that...

we're getting 'older' here, right? like, if your birthday passes, you count that as a +1 to your age, right?

so, the real question i have here is simple: if you start getting older than all of your friends back home, isn't it kind of sad? you spend all your time here, getting to know people, maybe making new friends. but you're aging. you don't know if your world's time is moving. like... i'm the only one from my world here, tbh. it's lonely! ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

the other thing ig i wanted to ask is...

if the person you care about the most is back home, how do you deal with that? how can you just bear waiting to figure out how to get home -- when you've been in this world for so long that you've almost given up hope on the idea that maybe, one day, they'll show up here. or even that you might actually go back?

Comments

[dereban]

it's easier this way

[resenting]

You're not wrong. You've been in this world a lot longer than I have, but if there's one thing I've learned, the worst thing you can do is to trust the wrong person.

[dereban]

i know that.

and i definitely don't want that sort of shit to happen. not now, not ever.

[ The people she trusts the most aren't here, so she's a little more wary. ]

[resenting]

Smart. Smarter than I was, at least.

That said, if you can find at least one person you can believe in, it does help. I probably wouldn't have even survived otherwise.

[dereban]

i take pride in that. won't say that i'm perfect, though.

[ She still has issues trusting others. Even if she's changed a lot thanks to the people around her back home... she feels like she's backpedaled a bit once she showed up in this world. ]

well, people rely on each other, right?

that's how it is in all worlds. you don't just live simply to doubt, or hate, or detest other people. nobody can survive like that.

ofc i'm not saying to like... cling to people. to overrely on them. bc you need to do certain things on your own. make your own decisions. be your own person and not live passively.

[resenting]

I can't go that far, I don't trust anyone until they've proven themselves to me.

All I'm saying is to find the people who can prove themselves, until you can find your way home.

[dereban]

i get that.

not trusting anyone...

[ She's like that, too. But it's different for her. She couldn't trust anyone. Not even people who might have 'proven' themselves to her -- like her friends, her family. The people who she was supposed to care about. ]

isn't it lonely like that though?

[ Maybe she's projecting a little bit.

But she knows that it was like that for her. Because she couldn't trust anyone, her life was simply suffering because she saw everyone as her 'enemies'. And many times she thought that maybe it'd be better, that it'd be so much easier if she just outright hated people.

She doesn't, though.

She still wants to have friends, even here. Even if she's away from the rest of the club-- her friends from back home. The people she cares about the most, arguably speaking. ]

it just seems kind of sad to think that way, personally speaking.

like... sure, you can't just trust everyone blindly. that's also stupid. but going as far as to 'test' them, to prove their worth...

isn't that conceited?

who are we to judge people? on what scale? we're not gods.

[resenting]

It's not like I think you're wrong, exactly.

I'm just never going to let myself get used the same way, ever again. If that means I have to be concieted then I'm fine with that.

[And there's his bottom line, really. He puts on a cool, logical front but the bitter truth is he's just angry, down to his bones. Angry at the people who crossed him, angry at the world itself- any world, really.]

[dereban]

[ She actually stares at this message for quite some time, mostly taking in the implications and sighing a little -- mostly at herself, but also this response. It's enough for her to frown as she's typing, honestly relieved that she isn't actually saying any of this aloud because she's certain her own frustrations about this mindset would bubble up. ]

you sound like you have issues that you just can't let go of.

i'll be a little blunt here: it's not a bad thing to want to protect yourself. hell, self-preservation is a hell of a lot better than recklessly throwing yourself at shit and potentially getting hurt and possibly accomplishing absolutely nothing.

but if you're putting people on a scale, constantly judging them, how the hell are you supposed to enjoy your life like that? it just looks like you're just sticking yourself in the past instead of being in the present, much less thinking about the future.

[resenting]

Look, I don't dislike you or anything but you have no idea what I've actually gone through.

I get what you're trying to say but it's not that easy when you're still dealing with the fallout.

This new world is the first time I haven't had to deal with it, and I'm not gonna waste that by letting my guard down.

[dereban]

[ Her response is thankfully not immediate, because she's actually

of course i don't. i'd be assuming too much there. although i might just be, a little bit.

i guess it's just the kind of thing that might take time for any sort of change to happen, maybe?

[resenting]

Yeah, maybe. Probably.

[If he were to really stop and think about it, he has come a long way already. Who knows?]

lmao shit i somehow forgot words in the brackets in my last tag oops

[dereban]

...probably.

anyway, i don't really have much else to say on this topic.

It happens!

[resenting]

Fair enough.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time in this world.

[He's. Trying?]

[dereban]

it's not something you should apologize for.

not your fault.