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[darkcharge]

I don't know how you losers manage to get anything done. Before I didn't really understand why people didn't just do what they needed to and then move onto the next thing.

It's because of all these stupid emotions. Not only are they distracting, they just enable weakness. You sit there and think and process before doing something productive. Then you have to process some more because you had feelings over what just happened.

How do you even live with yourselves.

Excuse me, brother, but I want a refund.

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[darkcharge]

Making decisions for me now?

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[purport]

I suspect you'd rather this "brother" not be able to read along.

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[purport]

Or do you prefer otherwise?

[darkcharge]

[ . . . ]

All right. You've got me on that.
A little underhanded with calling me out like that.
But I'll let it slide.

[purport]

Lucifer's the fair one, for reference.

I'll have something waiting, when you arrive.

[He won't say coffee, but Vanitas can fill in that blank]

[darkcharge]

Yes, I am starting to see that.

[ Yes he doesn't need this bird to tell him what's going to be waiting when he finally arrives at the coffee shop. ]

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[purport]

I might be concerned otherwise.

[Indeed he doesn't need to specify. Sandalphon's not difficult to spot, having taken a table with an easy view of the doorway. Two steaming cups of The Obvious are already on that table, one in front of him, and the other directly across from him along with a vacant chair.

He had to fight people off to defend that chair, better appreciate it, Vanitas]

[darkcharge]

[ Actually he might appreciate that chair more if he could have seen Sandalphon fight people off for it. Then at least he'd get to see a little bit of a show. As it is right now the only reason that Vanitas is even agreeing to this is because the guy's already witnessed one of Van's spells. A moment of weakness that he regrets but hadn't been mocked for.

Sandalphon and his friend might not be horrible and suffocating to be around. They also don't seem to have any ties to anyone from where Vanitas hails from so added bonus there. Or maybe Vanitas just is suffering from being around people too long and now he's also becoming a little too accepting.

Whatever the case he plops down in the chair, looking tired and miserable. ]

[purport]

[If he'd enjoy seeing Sandalphon stick a leg out real far, slam his boot down on that chair, and drag it back in as noisesome a manner as possible each time someone grabbed at it, well.

He'd best move faster, next time.

When Vanitas slumps into that chair, Sandalphon eyes hin for a good moment. Whatever change occurred, it isn't an affliction of the moon, as the boy had put it. Judging from his language, it seems harder to bear, and more lasting]

Did you say before that you were accustomed to negative emotions?

[He knows he did. But the question allows Vanitas to steer the conversation, rather than asking him directly what happened to him]

[darkcharge]

[ Well first thing's first. Vanitas is going to take a nice, long drink from that cup. When he's done with that he sets it down and just glares at the cup.

Vanitas knows he's blurted that out already. Sandalphon is just leading into the conversation. He snorts. ]

My brother and I were once the same person. Our Master fractured our heart. The half of light stayed with Ventus and I was born from the darkness.

[ Context. Context is always important. How can he explain anything if the other person knows nothing? It's not a secret. Vanitas doesn't care who knows about it and is willing to talk about any of this rather freely. ]

So, yes. I am negativity and darkness given form.

[purport]

Dividing one person into two sounds like nonsense to me.

[He won't mince words, but neither does he discount the possibility. There's nothing to gain from making up such a story, not to mention, some primal beast out there might well have the ability to rend an individual in such a way.

Lesser primals seem as numerous as stars, at times, but far more varied]

You handled yourself well enough before.

[From what he'd observed, anyway]

[darkcharge]

[ Vanitas can't help it. His laugh is harsh and has a little bite to it. ]

It does, doesn't it? I don't think Xehanort expected anything like that to happen. A "useful" miscalculation, more than likely.

[ It's fine not to mince words. That just makes things easier on Vanitas. No expectations or trying to coddle him either. Sandalphon wouldn't say something just to ease Van's discomfort. ]

A small sample, I suppose. You saw me have my little breakdown so I didn't handle it as well as others were. [ He takes his cup and moves it about in his hands. Playing with it. ] And I wasn't whole all those days ago.

[purport]

[Xehanort. A name he hasn't heard, but the language applied to him brings the Astrals to mind. Perhaps that's simply experience talking. He sets the thought aside]

You remain separate, it seems...

[Whatever process was involved, it seems that must be the cause of Vanitas' current state. He gestures to the counter to bring more coffee, but he knows the service here by now; it won't be instantaneous]

What makes you whole, then?

[darkcharge]

[ Vanitas nods. He frowns, feeling the familiar hot sting at the corners of his eyes. What is it THIS time? ]

Yeah, there's no way we can become one now. Ventus never wanted it, even when I did. Someone else filled in the space I left behind. Gradually, over the course of time, his heart healed. Now there's no space for me to fit into anymore.

[ But they are still connected all the same. Vantias always knows where Ventus is. Knows what he feels, sometimes. His eyes flicker to the gesture for more coffee. He probably doesn't need more than this, but like hell Vanitas is going to turn down more. Just to take his mind off things. ]

He and someone else are binding their heart to mine until it also heals. Though in the process some of Ventus' light transferred to me and to him, some of my darkness.

[purport]

[This heart business really is nonsense. Good thing they're agreed on that. Sandalphon takes a sip of his own coffee, taking in the explanation. From what Vanitas is telling him...]

This light, then... Is that what's giving you difficulties?

[Although Vanitas is clearly a being of elemental darkness, it seems to be something beyond that. If darkness is bound to negativity, is like the opposite, wherever he hails from?

A strange notion for a being wrought of light who caused the Cataclysm]

[darkcharge]

A little. Ventus might have cultivated some darkness on his own, but I likely never cultivated any light in return.

[ As every full heart is comprised of both light and darkness. Sora has a bit even as bright as he is. Chances are that Ventus now has some of his own that's not remotely tied to Vanitas. A strange thought for him to have and he doesn't know how to feel about that.

He rubs at the corners of his eyes, frowning. Seems like there are waterworks for every little thing he feels that isn't "negative." Could it be the result of repressing them all this time? ]

It's the emotions. I don't know what half of them are and there are too many and I can't get rid of them. I know how to expel my negative ones but I don't know what to do with any of the others.

[purport]

[Expel them... Those little creatures, he imagines]

They're difficult, because they're not rational.

[Sandalphon opens his mouth to continue, but a barista sweeps by with a fresh cup, setting it down in front of Vanitas. He waves if off when she reaches for his cup. It'll take him a good while to finish, at this rate.

Once she hurries away, it's back to the matter at hand]

What you do with them is a matter of who you are. I don't think I'd do you any favors with platitudes about time. I'm ancient, and I still have difficulties.

[He doesn't know if it will do Vanitas any good to have someone empathize, but it has to be better than pretty words]

[darkcharge]

[ Vanitas watches the girl come and go with only a little bit of wariness. He still doesn't really like being around a crowd or around a bunch of people. Right now it's a little worse than normal because he doesn't feel as put together and in control as he normally is. And he perceives that as people seeing him at his worst. his weakest. ]

They're not. None of them make sense to me.

[ But it makes sense that it doesn't. Even that old man Xigbar said that Vanitas has no frame of reference for these emotions. Nothing to associate them with to make heads or tails of them.

Though from what it sounds like, he's not the only one that struggles with how to deal with them. Maybe Sandalphon doesn't think he's being helpful, but Vanitas breathes out. How he handles these things is a characteristic of who he is. So how he deals with them is a piece of the puzzle in figuring out who Vanitas is now. Now that he has the freedom to find out, that is. ]

I thought those losers might just be trying to give me a false sense of hope.

[purport]

In one respect, I'd agree with that assessment.

[He pauses to sip his coffee again, and to shoot a sharp look at someone who seems to be hovering just within earshot. Once that nuisance has cleared out, he sets his cup back down on its saucer with a faint clink]

In my experience, optimists believe what they say. [Vanitas knows the type. Protagonists and all that] There are emotions worth experiencing, and they become a part of how you define yourself. But no other can determine how or what you decide is of value to you.

[And as one of a race of beings bound by purpose, and tormented for so long by the emptiness of not having one, he considers it wrong to set terms for a vital part of another's existence]

From experience...those who try first to understand you are worth having around.

[darkcharge]

[ Vanitas gives a little smirk beneath his cup as Sandalphon shoots that glare at someone. Better someone else than Van. He might also enjoy the way that the person realizes they were caught and quickly tries to hide their face as they go, clearly intimidated.

And as Van gives another look back over to the weird angel thing across from him? Yeah he supposes that there is reason to be intimidated. A little. ]

Some do. [ Because Vanitas definitely knows the type that the guy is referring to. ] For others I wonder if it's a conditioned response.

[ Yet he grows quiet again as the other continues to speak. Others can't define him. He can only define himself. That pretty much goes against everything he's ever known to be true. He sits there and glares as he takes another drink, clearly struggling with the concept. ]

The only thing of value to me was to become complete again. There was nothing else.

[ So this lack of having anything of value to him is also making everything just too much for him to deal with on top of everything else. Maybe Xigbar had been right: Vanitas really has too much thrown at him all at once to handle it in a graceful and healthy manner. Not that he would know what that is. ]

...There's at least one person who says he wants to try to understand me.

[purport]

[Sandalphon can understand, at least on some level. He had a single, driving focus for millennia, when he thought he had nothing. It's not so different, in some fashion. But he quickly decides he won't mention how he spent just as long living under the burden of how someone else deemed him worthless.

Some things, he's assuredly learned the hard way. And quite a lot of that, he'd made hard for himself]

I had a singular focus, for millennia. Even if it destroyed me, I didn't care, because that was all there was.

[All he'd held onto for two thousand years. But this isn't about him, and he shrugs the statement off without difficulty. The point is that he gets it, and that's all]

Someone who wants to understand you on your terms is better equipped to help you, because they won't impose. Or, if they do, they may see something in you that you're unable to contend with on your own.

[Like Lyria calling him out on not actually being a cold monster and just wanting senpai to notice him to matter to Lucifer. Those circumstances are unique, because she saw his memory, but his point stands.

The right people, right now, are ones who will try to steady Vanitas, not steer him]

[darkcharge]

[ Oh how Vanitas could relate to that. Maybe not for such a long period of time, but he can certainly understand not caring if it destroyed him. Because without being complete what was the point? If he is going to continue to be in pain and spew out those gross monsters then why should he continue his existence? That's nearly the point that he had been at when he had been handed a defeat by Sora and Ventus.

He doesn't say much. Just stare at his coffee and also Sandalphon's. Chances are he doesn't need to say anything. His silence is probably telling enough. ]

See something in me? What do you mean.

[ Vanitas doesn't quite understand what Sandalphon is getting at. What could people see that he couldn't contend with? ]

[purport]

[It may be something too abstract for Vanitas to understand right now. However, Sandalphon has already opened this door. There's nothing for it but to stroll right on through]

Sometimes, there may be people who see something about you more clearly than you can. And you may benefit from their perspective.

[That may be a long ways off for Vanitas, though]

More importantly, have you considered breaking down what you're experiencing into simpler terms?

[darkcharge]

[ Kind of what like Riku was doing on the network. For everyone to see - not that this really bothers Vanitas overly much. It is just kind of uncalled for. After all, Riku had pointed some things out and so had Kairi. Some of these things Vanitas already sort of knows about himself, but hearing it from someone else makes it even more real. Even if he wants to deny it. ]

What if I don't like what they're saying.

[ Or maybe that's a conversation for another day. Instead his head snaps back up to look at the bird across the table. Breaking down what he's experiencing into simpler terms? ]

Like focusing on one at a time? Or...

[purport]

You don't have to like it. What I'd do with it would depend on the person, and how I evaluated what they had to say.

[Everyone has opinions. Hearing and considering them is one thing, but agreeing is another entirely.

But back to his point]

It may seem elementary, but perhaps begin with something easy. Identify what you like, or don't like, for instance. Or what you do and don't want. You've always had opinions, I'm sure.

[And from there, Vanitas can make associations with emotional responses, and it may help him parse his reactions. Sandalphon doesn't have firsthand experience with being new to this. He was always emotional, always grappled with it, and adored one person above all else.

None of that has really changed. But he thinks those connections might let Vanitas start to connect with his feelings, without drowning in a sea of new information]