SEX ED PART 2 THE RECKONING | video; un: fantasma

[teaserving]

[Abbacchio is sitting in his apartment, looking cozy as hell while he's petting a chicken in his lap. Said chicken looks like she's just nested and not going to move for awhile yet. Sanguis is in effect, so he has horns and his hair is just a mass of wool.]

What's up, assholes. It's that time again to reveal my fountain of wisdom.

It's occurred to me that some of you are having a dilemma. A goddamn sexual crisis, if you will. To some of you, this probably makes no sense, so I'll summarize: in most human cultures, opposing genders getting married and popping out babies is considered the norm, and if you don't then old people piss themselves in rage. Or something like that. Everyone's got a difference experience and some people don't care. Fucking cool.

Anyway.

So you came to Lunatia and thought to yourself "nah I definitely like the other gender I'm straight as hell", but now you're confused. Someone of the same sex has bewitched your genitals and heart, and now you're thinking maybe it's not that simple and now you're having a freak out.

[He pauses to have a sip of tea, then goes back to petting Prince the chicken before she starts fretting.]

First off, calm the fuck down. You got a case of bisexual and it's not life ending. I get it, you're discovering new shit about yourself every day. Hell, I didn't think I'd be caught in furry cuddle moonland, but here we are. I promise you no one's gonna give a shit if you suddenly figure out that maybe tits are great after all or that the dick isn't so bad. Or maybe you just wanna hold hands and kiss a little, I don't fucking know. I don't know your life.

But I do know this: it's totally okay. So the question is, how do you figure this shit out? Well, sometimes you gotta experiment. Go on dates, see how it clicks for you. Watch some porn and see what turns you on, that kind of thing. At least, in my experience that's kind of the only way I figured out jack shit personally.

So if you're an alien or from some fantasy land where no one gives a shit about what gender you date, awesome. This doesn't apply to you and it's probably funny that some of us have to deal with this crap. The rest of you that this might apply to, feel free to ask your questions and I'll try to answer.

You're welcome.

Comments

text, un: nevercrywolf

[starmark]

wait a minute

YOU'RE that guy from the pumpkin patch?????

[Guess who never had the opportunity to put two and two together, and connect "fantasma" with "that guy who got pissed at him for making the hugbugs cry". Until now, that is.]

[teaserving]

Surprise, asshole. [SLOW SIP OF TEA]

No hard feelings. I got a better idea of where you're coming from now.

1/2

[starmark]

yare yare

well ok i guess i'll let you off the hook this one time
but just for avdol's sake

[starmark]

anyway
don't you feel weird about talking about stuff like this
just out in the open?

[teaserving]

Hey, I wasn't the asshole making little guys cry. If anything, I'm letting you off the hook.

Not really. I don't give a fuck what people think about me, especially in terms of who I date.

[starmark]

i wasn't talking about what people think
that's not what i meant

i meant it seems like it should be hard to talk about
it's not like talking about a hobby
or a book you read
it's a lot more complicated

so you can't just


talk about it

[teaserving]

I guess that's the thing. People over complicate it, and I've been dealing with this shit since I was a kid. I had a lot to figure out and nobody to hold my hand about it.

So it comes more naturally to me than probably others.

[starmark]

right
that's exactly it

like what are you supposed to do
how are you supposed to know who's supposed to do the boyfriend things
when both of you are the boyfriend

you can't just ask someone that
it's weird
so you have to just figure it out for yourself

and it's not like there are guidebooks or anything
they don't teach classes on that shit
so what do you even do

[teaserving]

Okay, now you're overthinking it. C'mon. You both do things for each other, obviously. It's not like "I'm the man, you're the woman." That's fucking stupid.

[starmark]

what about on valentine's day
that's a girl-only holiday

do you just skip valentine's day
do you both do it
do you both have to do white day too then

[teaserving]

Slow down.

What the fuck is White Day.

[starmark]

march 14th

[jotaro you asshole you know that's not what he meant]

[teaserving]

Great, that's a date! Now explain what it is. Is this some kind of Japanese holiday? I'm from Italy, Jotaro.

[starmark]

now who's the guy answering questions, huh

[THAT'S NOT EVEN A GOOD ONE-LINER YOU FUCK]

on valentine's day girls make chocolates and give them to guys they know
it's stupid and annoying to have to deal with

anyway then a month later it's white day and guys who got chocolates are supposed to give stuff back to those same girls

that's why you need to know who's who

[teaserving]

What the fuck does that have to do with sex ed.

[JOTARO STOP]

Yeah, see, I don't have to worry about shit like that. Mohammed and I aren't from Japan. So unless he wants to celebrate White Day too, then it's not my problem.

If you get a boyfriend, I guess sort it out yourself. Or just gift each other on Valentine's Day like everyone else.

[starmark]

i'm not talking about sex ed
i'm talking about things that are hard to talk about with people
especially people you're

whatever, involved with

i'm just saying it's complicated
and sometimes there are rules or whatever that nobody spells out anywhere
which is bullshit

[teaserving]

Sounds like a personal problem to me, then. Romance is a partnership for me. You either talk it out with your partner, or you fuck it up.

[starmark]

[congratulations on correctly determining exactly why his marriage will someday go down in flames, abba, a+ precognition skillz]

don't make it sound like it's so easy
maybe it is for you but not for everyone

[teaserving]

Guess you better work on your communication skills. Or get lucky that someone can read your mind.