SEX ED PART 2 THE RECKONING | video; un: fantasma

[teaserving]

[Abbacchio is sitting in his apartment, looking cozy as hell while he's petting a chicken in his lap. Said chicken looks like she's just nested and not going to move for awhile yet. Sanguis is in effect, so he has horns and his hair is just a mass of wool.]

What's up, assholes. It's that time again to reveal my fountain of wisdom.

It's occurred to me that some of you are having a dilemma. A goddamn sexual crisis, if you will. To some of you, this probably makes no sense, so I'll summarize: in most human cultures, opposing genders getting married and popping out babies is considered the norm, and if you don't then old people piss themselves in rage. Or something like that. Everyone's got a difference experience and some people don't care. Fucking cool.

Anyway.

So you came to Lunatia and thought to yourself "nah I definitely like the other gender I'm straight as hell", but now you're confused. Someone of the same sex has bewitched your genitals and heart, and now you're thinking maybe it's not that simple and now you're having a freak out.

[He pauses to have a sip of tea, then goes back to petting Prince the chicken before she starts fretting.]

First off, calm the fuck down. You got a case of bisexual and it's not life ending. I get it, you're discovering new shit about yourself every day. Hell, I didn't think I'd be caught in furry cuddle moonland, but here we are. I promise you no one's gonna give a shit if you suddenly figure out that maybe tits are great after all or that the dick isn't so bad. Or maybe you just wanna hold hands and kiss a little, I don't fucking know. I don't know your life.

But I do know this: it's totally okay. So the question is, how do you figure this shit out? Well, sometimes you gotta experiment. Go on dates, see how it clicks for you. Watch some porn and see what turns you on, that kind of thing. At least, in my experience that's kind of the only way I figured out jack shit personally.

So if you're an alien or from some fantasy land where no one gives a shit about what gender you date, awesome. This doesn't apply to you and it's probably funny that some of us have to deal with this crap. The rest of you that this might apply to, feel free to ask your questions and I'll try to answer.

You're welcome.

Comments

[grilletto]

uhh
nothing
just that
this is definitely not about me

right?

[teaserving]

Only like a third of it.

[grilletto]

A THIRD???
WHICH THIRD????

[teaserving]

I mean, there's no real order?! I had to deal with a couple of people who got frazzled over not being straight is all.

[grilletto]

oh
good
i mean
not good that they were frazzled
but good

[teaserving]

I know it's hard to swallow, but my world does not revolve around Guido Mista.

[grilletto]

yeah i know that
but
i mean your timing
man
how am i not supposed to think
it's about me

[teaserving]

The part where I don't mention you, dumbass.

[grilletto]

i'm just saying
you know
that's all

[teaserving]

Yeah yeah, I get it.

Need any other bits of advice?

[grilletto]

i can't think of anything
i mean i kind of have some other questions but
i mean not here

[teaserving]

Sure. I mean, you can message me privately or whatever you wanna do, man.

perma-private;

[grilletto]

okay so it's less questions and more like
i think i fucked up
so that thing we talked about before right?
we tried to talk the next day and it got a little
i don't know heated or something?

[ haha almost an understatement ]

but you know i suggested what you said
like you know try it outside of the cycles
and we agreed
but i think
i'm not sure because no one said anything
but i think i kissed someone's boyfriend
i think he's got a boyfriend
what the fuck am i supposed to do?

perma-private;

[teaserving]

Well, it's not like you knew he had a boyfriend, right? So it's not your fault to begin with.

But you might wanna clear that shit up with the guy you kissed since he didn't tell you.

perma-private;

[grilletto]

well yeah i know
but hear me out because this is gonna
sound really stupid
what if he doesn’t know
he has a boyfriend
like what if it’s a boyfriend from the future?

perma-private;

[teaserving]

God, that sounds so stupid but perfectly plausible. This is some love triangle bullshit.

Maybe you should see what this guy's deal is. This supposed boyfriend.

perma-private;

[grilletto]

okay hold on first
not a love triangle
all we did was make out a few times
and some other stuff

but the guy asked me
if i wanted to smash him
and at first I thought he meant
like do you want to kick his ass
but then he said hit that
and even i understand hit that

perma-private;

[teaserving]

Okay, okay. Calm down.

Well? Do you?

perma-private;

[grilletto]

shit
i don’t know
i didn’t start thinkin about it
until he asked
there was some stuff that was like
really good but i just wanna
do more of that first

perma-private;

[teaserving]

Okay. Well, for starters, there's no hurry and you don't even have to think about that stuff. Second, you probably wanna try to figure this shit out with them and see what's up. I kinda get where you're coming from though.

Do I know them by the way? You don't have to tell me, but figured I'd ask.

perma-private;

[grilletto]

yeah
i’m pretty sure you do

perma-private;

[teaserving]

Okayyyyyy, are you gonna tell me who they are?

perma-private;

[grilletto]

only if you swear
not to get like
all judgy or laugh or something

perma-private;

[teaserving]

[SQUINTS but:] Okay. I promise on my nonna's soul, may she rest in peace.

perma-private;

[grilletto]

j

[ that’s it, that’s the text because he got nervous and freaked out a little ]