( VIDEO. ) | JAN.4TH | PEOPLE YOU MISS THE MOST SMELL THE WORST

[naturallywavy]

Hey, it's your favorite protagonist, Monkey D. Ichigo here.

_{[ What. He moves right along without blinking at eye at his own joke. ]}

It's come to my attention that there's people here who still need jobs. I'm a boss who is in need of help myself. I'm looking for two subordinates. Ah, could it be you..!? Could it be your lucky day..!?

Don't get too excited. I'm looking for specific qualifications. Replacing people ain't easy, especially when you have 77 volumes of memories with them. Moving right along..

First off is the straight man, the guy that really brings in all of the jokes. A virgin, a loser. 95% glasses, 3% water, 2% garbage. Your love life should be absolute trash and you idolize idols. Bowl cut is nice but not mandatory. Must answer to Pattsuan.

Second slot is for the cheap heroine. Most unladylike, flat-chested and graceless. Charming and cute in her own way, but could kick your ass. Having the appetite of a whole horse is required.

Ah, I almost forgot.. bonus points if you look anything like this.

_{[ Here, he holds up a drawing. Clearly, a masterpiece: ]}



Thanks for your time.

_{[ BUT.. HE NEVER DESCRIBES WHAT KIND OF WORK HE DOES?? ]}

Comments

video.

[tensasai]

You again.

So you want people to openly admit they have these bad qualities you're looking for to-

[wait.]

You didn't even say what this was about?!

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Without even looking up at the screen: ]}

You're hired.

[tensasai]

Consider this my resignation!!

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Deadpan: ]}
I require a two week notice.

_{[ Back to the screen: ]}

Man. I just don't know. You're really suited to be a Pattsuan but you've got the look of a heroine.
Anyway you can fill both roles at once?

[tensasai]

[Man, this place really is cursed, she'd been talking about looking at jobs just the other day and now... vague gestures at all of this.]

Can I be some combination of gluttonous virgin for whatever vague things you need that kind of person for?

No.

[naturallywavy]

Great.

_{[ She's just amping up her straight man act enough. Gintoki flips his drawing over and clicks the back of the pens against his neck, jotting something down it looks like. ]}

What's your availability?

[tensasai]

[Too bad it never gets her anywhere, always ignored so the exuberant shenanigans can continue.]

Never and never. You still haven't explained what this is about.

[naturallywavy]

_{[ He can't help but push her buttons, but very well. He can't keep her guessing and guessing. ]}

Well, it's.. you know.
I do stuff.

_{[ Kind of. ]}

[tensasai]

I'm aware of the stuff you do.

[She is way too skilled to be a cashier at a failed kissing booth.]

Not interested.

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Oh boy. Here it comes. ]}

Not interested in finding a person's lost pet? Not interested in reuniting a mother with her long lost son? What about improving a young man or woman's self esteem? Proving someone's innocence who was wrongfully found guilty? Protecting someone who is weak?

Aaaa, Tenten-san. I thought for sure you would be someone who would want to partake in things that only those that are pure of heart are worthy of.

My job is to help others, no matter what it is. That's all that is in my job description.

_{[ Oh, man. There's nostalgia in his eyes. Something about this seems surprisingly sincere. ]}

[tensasai]

[Wow, that's playing dirty and she's an underhanded sneaky ninja.

WITH THE WILL OF FIRE.

Mostly. God she misses stabbing people. The love of her life, the flying guillotine, still sits unused and unmarred by the blood of her enemies in a scroll. That's the real tragedy here not the sob story he's trying to sell her on.]

I'm Cordis. [Ah, negotiations. Without Neji around to enable her bad attitude she's gone soft. Too many youth speeches.] Can you even afford to hire me?

[Feed her and stuff her with chroma or no deal.]

[naturallywavy]

Oh. Well.

_{[ He scratches the side of his face, writing something else down. It's a good thing that Tenten can't see his paper because he's just.. doodling a drawing, but when he writes it makes him seem professional. ]}

I did say a girl with a large appetite, didn't I?

[tensasai]

[Does he truly understand just how much a Cordis fueled taijutsu user can pack away?

Whatever. His wallet's funeral.]

If you really, really [EMPHASIS!!] get involved with those sorts of things, then fine.

But if you use those kinds of descriptions to talk about me to other people or try to make me get some run away pet out of a tree you'll need a lot more than a busty nurse to kiss you better.

[So casual. She'd just maim him a little, it's fine.]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Maybe he'll learn some cool ninja tips with her around, who knows. ]}

Yeah, yeah, yeah..

_{[ Still doodling writing, he finally looks up from his paper. ]}

You currently living with people or what?

[tensasai]

[The curiosity over whatever notes he kept taking about her (probably) was reaching a boiling point- she didn't really handle keeping her nose out of things very well.

Gonna try anyway-]

Why, is tucking you in at night more stuff you expect me to do?

[By being an asshole.

If he'd asked in a few days when their shared moon was in the sky she would have gladly...

maintained intense eye contact while pushing all of his stuff over onto the floor. Paws or not.]

[naturallywavy]

Well, if you're taking Kagura-chan's role, she typically slept in the closet.
_{[ Apparently he expects that out of Tenten. ]}

Though, if you're taking the role of Shinpachi-kun's, he never moved in. He just came over a lot.
_{[ Phew. ]}

[tensasai]

[Was that literal or some kind of weird insinuation underneath the underneath? Not that she had ever heard that sort of use back home but here... people said really weird things when they meant something else entirely.

Either way.]

I'm not leaving my apartment or my roommate to sleep in your closet. Or anywhere else around you.

[She lives with a Disney princess that bakes all the time her Cordis ass ain't going anywhere.]

[naturallywavy]

Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

_{[ Even though Gin is being extremely picky right now. ]}

You can come over as frequently as you like. Just don't drink my strawberry milk.